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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so drained

12 replies

Draineddraineddrained · 04/12/2020 18:58

I'm very pregnant and had to come off my citalopram to become so (citalopram largely needed imo so I can live with the stress of DH's anxiety and compulsive behaviours). My DH has anxiety exacerbated by Covid and imminent baby. My 3yo is going through a difficult and very physical stage. We're having a bunch of work done on the house meaning we're confined to pretty much one room a lot of the time. Flipping Covid, in tier 3. And it won't. Stop. Raining.

I know IABU because I have brought much of this on myself, and it's all transitory and will pass. But nonetheless I am just so drained, exhausted, all I want to do now DH and 3yo have gone up to do bath and bed is lie down and cry.

AIBU to ask how you dig deep in tough times when it really does feel like you've got nothing left in the tank? I know tonight I have to find a way to be nice and cheering to my DH, I will almost certainly have to get up in the night to the 3yo at least once, there's a bunch of jobs we need to do tomorrow including getting the tree and setting it up in the front room which ought to be festive and fun but will in all likelihood be a stressful nightmare... I just don't know how I can do it all without bursting into tears at some point!

OP posts:
73kittycat73 · 04/12/2020 19:23

You have needs too and it's OK for them to be met. Perhaps tomorrow ask DH to watch little one for a while so you can go do something relaxing, like having a nice long bath? Or even if he will get up with little one and let you have a lay in?
I hope tomorrow goes OK for you, couldn't just read and run. Flowers

raspberryjamlove · 04/12/2020 19:27

I haven't got any advice but just wanted to say I totally hear you, it's hard to dig deep when you've already been doing that a while. I feel like each day is a week at the moment. I hope you manage a bit of time yourself this weekend as previous commenter suggested xx

Draineddraineddrained · 04/12/2020 20:39

Thank you ❤️ was fully expecting to be told I'm doing it all wrong, not kindness!

Since posting I actually think I might be coming down with something - so dizzy I fell off the loo! Grin so I think I might go to bed and see what tomorrow brings - may be a duvet day as if I can't I just can't. Partner is good, he'll step up if I need him to - just I know how he struggles and it's exhausting always trying to support him and anticipate his possible reactions to things that just wouldn't bother me otherwise, I feel anxious by proxy if you know what I mean!

Right, water and bed. Thank you both again x

OP posts:
userxx · 04/12/2020 21:21

So you take antidepressants just so you can cope with your husbands anxieties? No advice but that sounds tough, really tough. Get an early night and try and get yourself right, so many bugs doing the rounds at the moment.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 04/12/2020 21:29

You have to take meds just to cope with your DH's mental health issues?!!
Is he on meds/getting help?

Draineddraineddrained · 04/12/2020 21:49

Getting help (CBT) but tbh don't think he's finding it very helpful - gets anxious about the sessions which seems counterproductive! Won't countenance meds. I wish he would, helped me so much - but he's scared they'll change who he is as a person. Obviously can't really pressure him to take meds he doesn't want, but not continuing to seek therapy/other coping mechanisms is a deal-breaker for me and he knows it. He really is trying to get it under control; we did discuss beta blockers this week to control his physical symptoms and he's a bit more receptive to that idea... But hard no to SSRIs

OP posts:
Draineddraineddrained · 04/12/2020 21:52

And to be fair to him the fact I feel I need meds to cope is probably because I'm not brilliantly set up myself - feel very responsible for his feelings, so his anxiety sets me off rather than just washing over me as it should. Lot of mental health and parent/child reversal in my family, I have issues with taking excessive responsibility for others' happiness. Probably chose him in large part to recreate the familiar dynamic, v dysfunctional of course! But we do love each other and we are both determined to do better for our own kids than our folks did for us. Here's hoping!

OP posts:
Whatsnewpussyhat · 04/12/2020 22:06

He needs to try meds, it's completely fucking selfish of him to not even try them. Especially knowing it's affecting you so much that you need to take them.

How can you do better than your parents if he won't get help, and you have to take meds because of him? That level of dysfunction WILL impact on your children.

userxx · 04/12/2020 22:08

Op, it's exhausting being a saviour. You recognise it though which is good but in the meantime exhausting!!

stayathomer · 04/12/2020 22:10

Sleep, shower, fresh air, comedy of some form and just taking time to breathe is all that ever helped me. And you have not brought anything on yourself. Hope tomorrow's a better day for you op

Draineddraineddrained · 05/12/2020 08:15

So by a miracle DD slept through last night. I was asleep before 10 and didn't get woken up until 6.30! I'm still feeling strangely dizzy off and on but much better and able to manage today.

Thanks again for the support yesterday when I needed it ❤️

OP posts:
stayathomer · 06/12/2020 22:34

Excellent OP, hope you get more of sameBrewCakeFlowers

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