To keep contacting BIL and SIL?

[Conkergame]

DH’s brother and his wife never invite us over or ask us to meet up them and their 2 DC. To make sure we keep up a relationship with them all, we suggest meet ups every 6 months or so and they usually agree. When we’re together we all seem to have a lovely time and get on well, so I’m not sure why they never instigate meet ups, I think they are probably just very busy and don’t get round to asking us (although I have to admit we are very busy too, so maybe they just don’t place the same importance on family relationships?)

They are not in our “Christmas bubble” as they are seeing SIL parents this year, whilst we are seeing PIL. I mentioned to DH that we should contact them to make sure we see DNiece and DNephew in the run up to Christmas and give them their presents (would have to be an outdoor meet-up, we are both in Tier 2), maybe a walk around a park and an outdoor coffee stop or lunch.

But DH has said he’s sick of it always being us doing the chasing and them never asking to see us. He is therefore refusing to contact them and is going to wait until they ask to see us. I’m worried we’ll be waiting a very long time for this (they have actually never suggested a meet up!) and I miss DNiece and DNephew so want to make sure we see them (last time we saw them was August). But I don’t want to go behind DH’s back and message them separately as it’s his family, not mine.

So what would you do? Go with DH’s plan and risk not seeing them for many more months, almost certainly missing them over Christmas, or would I be unreasonable to insist we park the ego and contact them to keep the relationship going?

I would respect your dh's wishes, it's his brother/sister after all. Not all siblings are close. My ex sil and bil were like this. They really didn't care if they saw us or our dc. Not much you can do about it and personally I wouldn't want to push for a relationship with people who obviously weren't that interested in either me or my children.

DH is right.

I'd respect your DH's wishes and post the kid's presents.

Anyway, meeting up in Winter and eating lunch outside in the cold would probably be pretty miserable for the kids.

Some people are not instigators. Perhaps they aren’t. Maybe see what your dh thinks about that? They might be waiting for you to suggest something. If they are otherwise nice, it seems silly not to contact them because of this perceived issue, that may actually just relate to them not being instigators.

Respect DH wishes. Why keep a relationship going if only one half is bothered about it? If it was a romantic relationship you wouldn't keep chasing a clearly reluctant partner would you- be open and happy if they do contract you, but that's as far as I would go

Some people just aren't investigators and some are. My sisters, cousins and I are all crap at arranging get togethers but adore each other. We always finish by saying things like "must do this more often", but life takes over!

It's not your place. Respect your dh wishes. They may be crap at instigating but that isn't a good enough reason.

I’m not sure, sometimes people can just be a bit lazy with this sort of thing and don’t necessarily realise they are. Some are more proactive and organised.

And is it you or your DH who actually organises catch-ups? Because if it is really you, your DH hasn’t got a leg to stand on in this discussion.

Maybe DH’s brother just doesn’t bother with family admin stuff and leaves it up to SIL and SIL doesn’t because sees it as DH’s side of the family thing so he should do it if he wants to.

But at least if you’re doing the organising and you do want to see them you can make catchup suggestions that suit you!

Agree with pp - let it go, DH is right.

You need to respect your husbands wishes here.