To have suggested DSs spend time with GPs today?

[BecomeStronger]

Boys, late teens.

For the last 19 years one or both of them has been to tea with my parents on a Friday. A continuation of when my dad was my childminder when they were little and then collected them from school and gave them tea once a week while I worked. They have a close relationship which everyone seems to enjoy.

Once they got old enough that I didn't need a childminder, they still went for tea and they still did right up until lockdown 1

Once lockdown eased in the summer they went for a picnic tea in the garden.

None of this has ever been compulsory. I've suggested it but they've always been free to say no and have done when they have other plans.

They obviously haven't seen them for a few weeks so today I suggested they contact GPs and see if they fancied a walk, which DS1 dutifully did and DS2 didn't refuse

Anyway, a friend has suggested this is odd behaviour and it's not normal for teens to want to spend time with GPs, that they must only be doing it because I "make" them, even though I don't think that's what I'm doing, I.e. they feel it's compulsory even if that's not how I intend it.

They seem to have enjoyed catching up with GPs and I often get snippets of their lives from grandma that they haven't told me.

Should I stop encouraging it? The way I see it, it's good for everyone, although it's true they probably wouldn't bother leaving their computer games if I didn't remind them.

I don’t think they should do it out of duty, they are old enough to decode for themselves now as and when they want to see them.

Yes keep encouraging them

I cannot even begin to describe how grateful they will be when they're dead - I've seen so many people over the years regret not spending time with their older relatives

My sons are now 28 and 24, the GP are no longer with us, but my sons would have done the same and would have wanted to see them on walks, visits in gardens etc.,

I encourage mine to visit, they probably wouldnt think to do it themselves but know they can and have said no occasionally

Maybe it depends on the grandparents; I used to love seeing mine but I know people whose grandparents weren’t great and they weren’t bothered about seeing them.

My grandparents were gone before I was born. I would have loved to have met them. I’m told many wonderful stories of them from my family. It doesn’t sound like your boys are being pushed into it and they are old enough to be awkward enough if they didn’t want to see them. I think it’s sweet that they have that relationship

My adult children do the same with their one remaining GP. How strange people feel able to criticise.

As soon as DS could drive he started to visit DMil on his own initiative - sometimes just for a cup of tea or to run a couple of errands - often they just go out in the car for a drive. It's lovely.

I would go and see my grandparents once a week most weeks for dinner. If they don't want to do it, I'm sure they'll say

They would just say no if they didn't want to. I think it's lovely they want to spend time with their gp's. It's certainly not weird to encourage it teens often don't think of these things until you say

Anyway, a friend has suggested this is odd behaviour and it's not normal for teens to want to spend time with GPs, that they must only be doing it because I "make" them

Your friend sounds like she has very little imagination! I know someone like this: everything that isn’t ordinary/workaday is “weird” and they have very strident views on “what kids like” (soft play, beige food and Disney). My kids do not like the aforementioned and have rather quirky interests. I’m sure she is secretly very disapproving of this! Your friend sounds a bit the same. Where is it written that teens don’t want to see their grandparents? Like all relationships, surely it depends?

You encourage your boys to see their GP. I encourage my DH to call his auntie, as I know she loves to hear from him. In neither case, is anyone being forced to do something they don’t want to - it’d just we can all do with a reminder to be thoughtful to others sometimes. (Your teens sound great, by the way!)

Honestly if all you need to do is ask them nicely and they go they clearly want to and its lovely they have that connection. GPs will soon not be here so I personally think this is what normal looks like, my own teen voluntarily plays scrabble and occasionally phones Grandad and I only encourage it to be honest he won't be here much longer and it tears me apart that he doesn't have much longer.

I don't think for a single second you feel you should stop encouraging it.

Your teens sound lovely if that's what you want to hear

Seriously though, it sounds like they're all happy.

@BecomeStronger I think some people don’t understand that families can be really close! I visited my grandparents every week up until my grandad passed away. I’d pop in for an hour on my way home on a Friday usually. I loved spending time with them. I still saw plenty of my friends and had a good social life.

My ds is 16. He has a great relationship with my parents.

LD1 when we could meet in lairs my dad use to come and walk with my ds. He asked and my ds loved it and then asked him. They took it in turns to arrange.

Now we are in LD2 and tier 2 ds is back at college but has 1 day off a week. Him and my dad still meet for walk or cycle.

They have the same interests and love each other's company.

It's nit forced but I did suggest to ds to text GD because they don't slays think to do it but doesn't mean they don't want to or it's forced.