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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my sons nursery because of someone else’s opinion?

25 replies

Littlebeau08 · 04/12/2020 16:34

My son will be starting nursery in February when I return to work.

DS & I spent a while looking at local nurseries and we picked one we both really liked.

We liked the staff, the environment and loved that they have web cams which means we can log in and see our son if we feel we want to.

A few days ago, I was chatting (texting) to a work colleague and told her where I’m sending my son.
She was really opinionated and said she didn’t like it and wouldn’t send her daughter there.

I asked her why and she just said the staff were too young and she didn’t like the building.

It’s really knocked my confidence on my choice of nursery and I’m starting to doubt myself and think I should look at other options.

She told me where she sends her daughter and it’s a place we looked around but we didn’t like.
I didn’t tell my colleague this as i respect her choice and know we’re all different.

But since she said that about our nursery choice I just feel like I’ve made the wrong choice, but I don’t know why.

I feel uneasy now like maybe I’ve rushed and I should look at other places.

OP posts:

june2007 · 04/12/2020 16:36

Go with your gut. If your happy use it. Perhaps staff have changed since she looked round. Perhaps set up has changed. I have worked in the same nursery for 3 years and staff have changed, room layout has changed paticulalrly at the moment with extra covid restrictions

DrIrisFenby · 04/12/2020 16:39

But really she is just using you and your decision to justify her own choices...

Original poster

Littlebeau08 · 04/12/2020 16:43

@june2007

I thought I was going with my gut.

The nursery had a really gentle feel about it and I really liked the staff we saw.
I didn’t pick up on the building as I wasn’t overly concerned what it looked like, but my colleague was faulting the building and how it looked outside.
She said she didn’t like certain bits about the outdoor play area (all of which we thought were lovely)

OP posts:

june2007 · 04/12/2020 16:46

Well you are happy, so go for it. If you are concearned look around one or two others just to make sure it is right. (I went down child minder route myself and pre-school attached to the school which i wasn,t keen on but it was near and feeder for the school, so weigh up pros and cons.)

FelicityPike · 04/12/2020 16:48

Everyone’s taste is different.

Clockstop · 04/12/2020 16:50

Maybe she tried to get her daughter in there and they said no.

SionnachRua · 04/12/2020 16:50

Don't mind her. You like one place, she likes the other. Life would be dull if we all liked the same things.

I did at her thinking young staff were a reason to avoid it though!

user117226931 · 04/12/2020 16:51

You didn't like her choice. Do you think she should change her mind?

You need to trust yourself more.

MummaGiles · 04/12/2020 16:51

Maybe she made the wrong decision. Why would it have to be you?

Or. Most likely you have both made the right decision for your own families.

lyralalala · 04/12/2020 16:55

No, don't change your opinion based on her opinion.

I did once change nursery on someone else's advice, but that was because they said "Look, I feel like I should tell you, but I sent my kid there and happened and they handled it in and I had to remove them.

But not because someone said "Oh I didn't like it". What fits for one child and family doesn't fit another.

GreyishDays · 04/12/2020 16:55

All young staff can be a bit of a thing to watch out for as you wonder why they aren’t keeping hold of staff, but usually most are going to be young.
Also they might all look young but be 29.

I’ve had three children through nurseries and the best relationship any of them had was with a school leaver who was in college at the same time. She was absolutely fab. I saw her face light up when she saw my child, it was very sweet.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/12/2020 16:58

People can be really defensive about child related stuff (nurseries, schools, clubs... Even which swimming teacher your child has...). Most of the time, there's more than one right answer, and wrong answers are rare.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2020 16:59

[quote Littlebeau08]@june2007

I thought I was going with my gut.

Go with your own choice

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/12/2020 17:01

You found a nursery that you and DS really like. You're not going to do better than that OP, so why waste time looking at other places.

It didn't suit your colleague so she kept looking until she found one that she and her DD really liked. Her response seems a bit shady though. Stick with your gut and pay this woman's words no heed.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/12/2020 17:02

Some parents are really concerned about how nurseries look, that's why some nurseries are in grand old houses - I viewed one like that in a townhouse on one of the most prestigious streets in Edinburgh. Ended up sending my DS to a nursery in what looked like a bright blue portacabin, where he was incredibly happy for 4.5 years.

Different strokes for different folks. Also you desperately want to get this right, so it feels important that she's suggesting you're wrong. But you're not wrong, not at all. Trust your own instinct.

Lifeispassingby · 04/12/2020 17:06

I work in a nursery and we also recognise that all nurseries are different and different things will appeal to different people. If you’re unsettled, perhaps arrange to go and visit again in the new year? It’s a big decision and we actually encourage parents to view several nurseries in order to make the right decision rather than having to change it later on. Go with your gut but make sure you are happy as this will pass to your child xx

fabulousathome · 04/12/2020 17:22

Maybe yours is more expensive or the hours are slightly different. I found similar with secondary schools when people whose DC were doing well loved the school and vice versa.

Emeraldshamrock · 04/12/2020 17:27

If you have a good feeling go with it. I knew the right one with DD it was the third and definitely the right choice.
Younger staff wouldn't be a problem as long as there is good leadership. DS really bonded with one of the younger girls she was fun.

ArtemisBean · 04/12/2020 17:29

Everyone looks good different things. Imagine if there was a right and a wrong way to be a hairdresser. Everyone would go to the 'good' one and all the others would quickly be out of business. The reason there are so many nurseries is that they each appeal in different ways in different families.

CeibaTree · 04/12/2020 17:30

Different children suit different types of styles of environment. You've found one you like and she's found one she likes, and there's not really anything more to say. She was really rude saying that though. Ask yourself if her opinion really matters to you, and if not then who cares what she thinks :)

FWIW we are sending our eldest to a small nurturing school that suits him, not the outstanding primary near us that people move into the area to go to. Trust your instincts - you know what's best for your child more than a random work colleague does!

iano · 04/12/2020 17:33

Op we sent our son to a nursery recommended by friends. I felt uneasy about it but convinced myself it would be fine as they loved it. It was not a good decision. We all struggled and eventually moved him.
They are lovely people but their priorities were different to our's. Their choice didn't suit us. Go with the nursery you liked.

notdaddycool · 04/12/2020 17:35

We have about 8 families we know well who sent their kids to the primary behind our house, we were the only ones at the one they all turned their noses up at and our son is thriving. They are happy too, but you know your child and go with your gut.

GreyishDays · 04/12/2020 17:37

Also, your friend has just seen a snapshot.

I got a really bad first impression at the first nursery we looked at and came out nearly in tears. The impression I got was that the staff were just sitting around looking bored while the children played and they didn’t interact at all with them. I spent years with that impression. It only occurred to me recently that it would have been ‘free play’ time where they were meant to be playing on their own. The staff were keeping a good eye on them (sitting all separately, not chatting with each other) and that was absolutely what the nursery should have looked at at that point in the day. If only someone had just mentioned that in passing as they showed us round.

Brighterthansunflowers · 04/12/2020 17:37

Don’t disregard somewhere you and your child are happy with because someone else who has no say in the decision doesn’t like it!

People like different things in childcare settings just as they like different things in all other aspects of life. different places suit different children and parents have different priorities for the childcare they use.

Look at her issues objectively. The building isn’t really relevant as long as it’s child safe and clean. And young staff have more energy and enthusiasm, but either way will have the same qualifications as someone older.

Skysblue · 04/12/2020 23:49

Different children need different things. I chose a preschool that was very gentle with great staff, and my sensitive son loved it there. A friend’s very rough and tumble child didn’t like the gentle preschool and moved to a large noisy place that I (and my son) hated when we viewed it, but her son loved.

View it again to reassume yourself but I expect that you made the right choice for your family.

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