I gave birth to my first baby in February, 5 weeks before lockdown 1.
What should’ve been a time spent with family and friends introducing our new baby, was a time locked away, anxious and lonely.
When lockdown ended, my husband was back at the office.
I’m the first of my friends to have children so they were also all at work and I was at home with my baby.
Local baby groups were closed so we spent most of our days in the summer going for walks, alone.
I do have a lovely group of Antenatal friends but due to the rule of 6, we haven’t all been able to meet up.
I’ve always been in a Tier 3 are (even when lockdown 1 ended my area and as high in cases) so I’ve been limited to what I can do.
I’ve taken my son to zoos & parks etc but always on my own, unless it’s a weekend and my husband will come with us.
I’ve restored to spending my days eating which has resulted in a 3 stone weight gain.
I feel utterly rubbish about myself.
Prior to this I was such a social person, I loved eating out, meeting with family & friends.
I feel so fed up that most days now I start the day off In tears because my days feel like Groundhog Day.
I barely speak to anyone. We go to the same few parks most days, walk the same routes.
We’ve had no social gathering with friends except one or two in the summer.
I haven’t been to a shop, supermarket or restaurant since before my son was born.
I can’t go for coffees or food during the day as I have no one to go with abs by husband isn’t home until late so it’s always our sons bed time and not time to eat out.
My clothes are now all too tight. I can’t stop eating because it’s the only thing that makes me feel happy.
I’m such a massive lover of Christmas but even that just feels half hearted this year.
Like what’s the point.
My parents don’t want to bubble up with us because my mum is in a high risk job so feels like she’s putting us at risk, and my husbands mum is extremely vulnerable so doesn’t want to take any risks being around us.
My son won’t get to see his family on his first Christmas.
I can’t take him to any grottos or Christmas activities that we had planned.
I’m starting to feel anxious now about my own risks since my weight has soared and my BMI is now over 30.
I just feel so so fed up and most days I have an overwhelming sadness.
I miss being around people, having things to look forward to and plans to enjoy.
I feel like I’m failing my son.
He goes to nursery 3 days a week when I’m back at work in April and I feel like he will be better off there than stuck at home with a miserable mum.