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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I feel sorry for myself, or could this actually be depression?

8 replies

Marrowfatpee · 04/12/2020 11:18

I gave birth to my first baby in February, 5 weeks before lockdown 1.

What should’ve been a time spent with family and friends introducing our new baby, was a time locked away, anxious and lonely.

When lockdown ended, my husband was back at the office.
I’m the first of my friends to have children so they were also all at work and I was at home with my baby.

Local baby groups were closed so we spent most of our days in the summer going for walks, alone.

I do have a lovely group of Antenatal friends but due to the rule of 6, we haven’t all been able to meet up.

I’ve always been in a Tier 3 are (even when lockdown 1 ended my area and as high in cases) so I’ve been limited to what I can do.

I’ve taken my son to zoos & parks etc but always on my own, unless it’s a weekend and my husband will come with us.

I’ve restored to spending my days eating which has resulted in a 3 stone weight gain.

I feel utterly rubbish about myself.

Prior to this I was such a social person, I loved eating out, meeting with family & friends.

I feel so fed up that most days now I start the day off In tears because my days feel like Groundhog Day.

I barely speak to anyone. We go to the same few parks most days, walk the same routes.

We’ve had no social gathering with friends except one or two in the summer.

I haven’t been to a shop, supermarket or restaurant since before my son was born.

I can’t go for coffees or food during the day as I have no one to go with abs by husband isn’t home until late so it’s always our sons bed time and not time to eat out.

My clothes are now all too tight. I can’t stop eating because it’s the only thing that makes me feel happy.

I’m such a massive lover of Christmas but even that just feels half hearted this year.
Like what’s the point.

My parents don’t want to bubble up with us because my mum is in a high risk job so feels like she’s putting us at risk, and my husbands mum is extremely vulnerable so doesn’t want to take any risks being around us.

My son won’t get to see his family on his first Christmas.
I can’t take him to any grottos or Christmas activities that we had planned.

I’m starting to feel anxious now about my own risks since my weight has soared and my BMI is now over 30.

I just feel so so fed up and most days I have an overwhelming sadness.

I miss being around people, having things to look forward to and plans to enjoy.

I feel like I’m failing my son.

He goes to nursery 3 days a week when I’m back at work in April and I feel like he will be better off there than stuck at home with a miserable mum.

OP posts:
Twistered · 04/12/2020 11:23

You're not failing him. You're in a shit situation not your fault and you're trying to make the most of it as best you can.

Just hold onto the fact there is light at the end of the tunnel .... You'll be back to work in April so both and your wee one will have a change of scenery and around that time as well hopefully with the vaccine rollout the country will have some semblance of normality back.

Being a new mum can be hard. During a pandemic and lockdown restrictions makes it even harder. Hold on in there you are doing your best Flowers

Corner13 · 04/12/2020 11:24

We’re all in the same boat OP. Things will get easier as we head into spring. You’ve made it this far so well done you Smile

Marrowfatpee · 04/12/2020 11:26

@Corner13

We’re all in the same boat OP. Things will get easier as we head into spring. You’ve made it this far so well done you Smile
@Corner13

Do you really think things will get easier in spring?

OP posts:
Twistered · 04/12/2020 11:29

Yes they will get easier in spring. And it will be good for you being back in work and your wee one in nursery. You WILL get there x

lyingwanker · 04/12/2020 11:30

It's so hard and even at the best of times being a new mum can be very very isolating and lonely. Have you got Homestart in your area? I volunteer for them and usually we would come round to your house (or whenever you want) and spend time with you, being a friend or support or just a listening ear. At the moment it's over the phone but I feel like I've gained a friend with my new mum that I talk to and we can't wait to meet up.

Things that helped me in your situation was going out for a coffee or lunch anyway just me and baby. It was a change of scenery, a nice treat but I would also try and chat with people whilst out too. Even if it was just a 2 minute convo about the weather haha. Book an appointment for the weekend just for yourself too, I love getting my hair or lashes done so I would always always make sure I had appointments booked.

Marrowfatpee · 04/12/2020 11:33

@lyingwanker

Book an appointment for the weekend just for yourself too, I love getting my hair or lashes done so I would always always make sure I had appointments booked.

I have an appointment booked next Friday for my hair, first time I have been since last year! (Normally go every 12 weeks!!)

I’m just considering cancelling as I’m getting too paranoid about Covid now.
I just feel all this time alone is making me anxious.

OP posts:
BarryFromEastenders · 04/12/2020 11:51

It must be really hard and isolating to have a newborn in all this. Having my first child was isolating and challenging even outside a pandemic! Your whole world is new, and you’re having to get used to a completely new experience and sense of self (and body, for me, too!) even discounting covid! You are in a really tough bit but it sounds like things will change soon. And I’m the meantime would it be possible to meet with just one person from the antenatal group and go for coffee/walks and try and build up a bond there? I can see how disappointing Christmas is seeming, but if it helps, try to remember that your baby just likes being with you: she/he doesn’t know what Christmas is yet, and wouldn’t be able to grasp all those Christmassy pleasures yet. There’ll be lots of Christmases to enjoy in the future: hang in there. I’ve been where you are. It’s hard and your feelings are totally valid, but not permanent.

lyingwanker · 04/12/2020 12:13

No, make sure you go to your appointment. Salons are extremely COVID secure, they don't want to risk having to close again. You need to have a little bit of "me" time as much as you can. Even if it's only a bath totally in peace or whatever.

Also, if you enjoy shopping usually then get to the shops. Wear your mask, sanitise your hands frequently etc and you will be safe. If I still had a baby I would use the rain cover as protection for baby if I was worried as well.

Honestly, you are doing an amazing job in such difficult times

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