17yo stepson has his test soon.
We have two cars, but DP works full time and clearly needs his.
I WFH so don't need it for work, but use it for things like shopping, taking supplies to grandparents etc.
My partner has said he's not going on his insurance as there's no point as he uses his car every day, and said it's up to me whether I put him on mine or not. I think he worded it like that to make me feel there was no pressure on me, but stepson is expecting to drive when he passes his test, and my car is the only option - bar buying him his own, which we can't really afford, and he won't get a job until he leaves college.
I don't want him to use my car because ..
- It's quite a new car, and I'm scared of him damaging it. He is quite a clumsy, careless person and damages things regularly. I'm not sure whether he would take more responsibility in an expensive vehicle.
- It'd cost more to insure. DP has obviously said he'd make up the difference and I don't know how much that would be, but we're not really in a position for any added expenditure at this time.
- He's incredibly messy and I just know he would leave wrappers, bottles etc in the car and it'd be a constant battle of getting him to take his shit out of it, which then causes an atmosphere.
- Even though I don't use it all that much, I want my car to be there for me when I do need it. I don't want to have to plan my days around college times, and certainly don't want to be without a vehicle at the weekend (my partner's car is manual and I can only drive auto) if I want to go anywhere. This will become more of a problem as things get less restricted with covid.
- I feel like he's had it too easy, and we aren't doing him any favours at the moment. He's getting everything done for him, getting lifts when he wants them, and I don't think it's good for someone to get everything handed to them on a plate. He will have no idea how much he costs to insure, or how much fuel costs, he just expects it to be there, waiting for him, like everything else has been in his life so far.
DP has told me not to worry about it, and that he'll just have to wait until he earns his own money - but stepson is pushing and pushing the point. He seems to think it's incredibly unfair that he's 'worked so hard' to pass his driving test (which he hasn't yet! Plus we paid for all of his lessons!) and I have a car sitting there doing nothing (it's not always doing nothing...) when he could be using it.
We've had so many discussions about this that I currently want to scream at him that it's my car, I've paid for it, and why doesn't he ask him mum for a car if he's that concerned? (She has the same opinion as us - he doesn't need one yet!)
It's so frustrating to hear some of the things he's coming out with about why we're unfair, when he's falling behind with his college work in preference to sitting on his bum playing games all evening, skipping college to walk round town with his mates during a lockdown and refusing to get a job because he couldn't possibly do that AND his college work!
DP is trying to make him take responsibility for himself as he fully recognises he's done too much for him over the years, but it's not easy.
I just need some perspective on whether IABU on this particular issue though, as I think past issues are clouding my judgement somewhat!