Hi I’m new to mumsnet and just looking for advice recently my 16yr old DD got into her first serious relationship since she got with him a few months ago she has stopped taking care of herself,stopped wearing makeup doing her hair or wearing her nice clothes she has cut off all her friends and has started falling behind with her college work most of her classes are online due to the pandemic and whenever she has a class he constantly spams her phone with calls then she gets frustrated because she can’t concentrate.she spends all of her time down at his where they just lay in bed all day when she’s not with him ( which is rarely) he has to be on FaceTime to her she even has to sleep on FaceTime to him because he says he can’t get to sleep otherwise she has to prove she isn’t talking to other boys she has to screenshot her Snapchat and messenger to him and he even has the the password to her phone and checks it when he wants she’s come home from his twice sobbing her heart out but won’t tell me what’s happened I’m really worried that he’s controlling her or even worse hurting her. A couple of people now have pulled me up and told me that they’ve seen him shouting at her in the street also a mutual friend of his and my sons told my son that he had been putting her hands down his pants in front of everyone and trying to make her “do stuff “ to him .I don’t want to be that overprotective mum because I don’t want to push her away i’ve tried to be supportive I invite him round to our house for tea and movie nights etc but he refuses he just wants her down at his where there’s no one to keep an eye on them as his mums always out and when she is there she just lets him do what he wants. It all came to a head two weeks ago when I tried to set some boundaries i told her she’s not allowed on the phone to him while she has her online classes or when she’s doing her assignments and she can go down to his a couple of times a week and the rest of the week he can come round here so I know she’s ok and can keep an eye on her she’s down right refused and phoned her grandad to pick her up she has now been staying at her grandparents for two weeks who live 20 miles away.When she first went although I was upset and missed her I thought well at least she’s safe and it might do her good to have a little breathing space from him only for me to find out that he’s been getting one of his relatives to give him a lift over to her grandparents house nearly every day and her grandparents have been letting him stay at their house during the day while their at work and bringing her over here to his and letting her sleep over at his house without even telling me and after I’ve discussed my concerns with them . I keep trying to speak to her but she’s been so cold and standoffish almost disconnected it’s just not like her at all we’ve always been so close and she’s always been such a happy lovely girl I feel like she’s been brainwashed she keeps saying she’s happy with him and she loves him but she’s gone so far downhill in just a few months i don’t feel like her grandparents are encouraging her to come home and her boyfriend definitely isn’t she says she’s not coming home because she thinks I’m trying to “split” her and her boyfriend up but I’m not and haven’t even asked her to split up with him I’m just worried about her and want to make sure she’s ok.she says she wants to come home but only if I back off and let her make her own decisions? So would should I do ?