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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset at parents and in-laws inconvenient holiday dates?

26 replies

claraenglish · 20/10/2007 21:58

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kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 22:08

No, not unreasonable, especially in the circumstances.

Are your parents/inlaws still working, so that they have to fit their hols around other people?

My PILs were on holiday when I had DS (also in a new home miles away from friends and relations) but my mum took unpaid leave and flew over to be with me.

Rowlers · 20/10/2007 22:10

I think if it's your first, you may well be suffering a bit of panic here - I did! Terribly.
In fact, you may well be extremely glad they all clear off and leave you with baby. It's quite daunting but very quickly you will appreciate time alone with you and the baby.
Just don't expect to be superwoman. If the house is a mess and the cupboards are bare, so what?
Good luck. Hope all goes well.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 20/10/2007 22:11

ynbu think its nice to have family around when you have a baby

MerlinsBeard · 20/10/2007 22:12

i think YABU, you are overdue so baby could be born tonight, its not their child and believe me when baby is born you will want time alone.

I actually think its perfect timing

motherinferior · 20/10/2007 22:17

I think it depends on your relationship with them, frankly. I personally could just about stand a couple of visits from my parents and/or DP's mum when I'd had babies. The idea of 'having family around' made my blood run cold.

kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 22:17

Yes, time alone is fine but in my situation I really needed help. I had a 2 yo, no friends or family and ended up having a CS (not planned) and had PND. I would have been lost without my mum.

I am not saying that this will happen in your case Clara (and apologies if I make you feel even worse) but it made me more relaxed to know that if I needed help, it was there.

With my DD I lived near my PILs and it was really helpful to be able to go around and get fed, my MIL helped by doing the ironing the first couple of weeks etc.

Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 22:23

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littleducks · 20/10/2007 22:28

clara, im a bit worried by the 'wont see a soul' comment, could you not arrange coffee with a friend or pop into town?

i know its hard to believe atm and yoyu must be so eager to actually have the baby but you will still have a life with a newborn albeit a more tired one!

3andnogore · 20/10/2007 22:33

How much physical support would they have given you, if they would be there?
Are they near by, so, could have given you regular support in small doses, would they have come for a long visit, and how ouwld you have felt about that?

I can understand why you feel how you feel, and must admit, as unusual and weird as it may sound to many people, but it was so lovely when my mum came to stay with me for 6 weeks, just before es was born...and therefore had 5 weeks after he was born with some homehelp (she was good in letting me deal with es for most of the time, and just got involved in the care when directly asked, but she kept things tidy and stuff)
However, I know for msot people that seems to be the worst case scenario ever, lol!

Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 22:34

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Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 22:38

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3andnogore · 20/10/2007 22:43

Clare, it's not unatural at all, imo, to feel the need for support...I know in our society it isn't the most common thing anymore, BUT to that is a real shame...in other cultures, other women take over and look after everything, giving the new mohter time to look after her Baby...and I think that would be somehting we could all do with!
Is there anyway you could emply a Postnatal Doula maybe...

Blu · 20/10/2007 22:48

Clare - there is no time like new -baby time for making new friends and contacts.
Get in touch with your local NCT branch and do it now - their tea groups are exactly about enabling new Mums to make friends who are also new mums - for mutual support.
Also, ask your midwife for suggestions for groups etc. At about the time your parents and ILs go away you will be just right for venturing to a group, perhaps! (if you give birth any minute now, that is!).

Blu · 20/10/2007 22:49

Start looking up baby massage groups and drop in groups...and go to everything as soon as you can!

Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 22:49

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Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 22:52

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3andnogore · 20/10/2007 22:53

clara, here is the Doula UK website that has some Info, might be worth doing a seperate thread about Postnatal Doulas...I am sure people that know more about it will come along....

3andnogore · 20/10/2007 22:54

Clara, NCT also does Postnatal groups, and bumps and Baby's coffeemornings, etc....

3andnogore · 20/10/2007 22:55

I have actually ust started as a Postnatal Supporter Volunteer with the NCT...so, they possibly have those in your area...whilst there isn't much hands on help involved, they will be able to get you into contact wiht the right people in your area!

bozza · 20/10/2007 22:58

I think it depends on how much support you were expecting to receive. In my case, it wouldn't have made any difference tbh.

Original poster
claraenglish · 20/10/2007 23:00

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kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 23:08

I do not know what is available in UK, I applied for a "family help" that was paid for by our health insurance. This is not uncommon here, when a mum needs help. She came in daily for 2 weeks and helped me loads.

And I agree with the others, find out about groups that you can join. I did that with DD and it helped get me out of the house.

Blu · 20/10/2007 23:20

"who has that sort of confidence! "
People just like you!
It's easy -ll you have to do to make someone like you is admire their baby! And you will have your baby to show off! And they will be interesting and mixed, and nervous, and know that the whole point is getting to know people and make them welcome!

3andnogore · 20/10/2007 23:21

Clare, do contact NCT about POstnatal Supporter, and that Postnatal supporter will maybe be able to help you get that confidence to join a group, by being there, aswell, etc...so, you would only have to get to know 1 person first and that would help whe walking into new territory

cat64 · 20/10/2007 23:55

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