My friend didn't get my a present ,aibu to think it's cheeky?

[hatbatcatxx]

My friend celebrated her 30th birthday in November,I bought her a 3 gifts and spent about £40.
One was a special present (a engraved grandma pic as she died last year )
She said for your birthday I've seen the perfect gift your going to love it.
This morning we met for a quick lunch as we were exchanging Xmas gifts.(the only time we could meet before Xmas )
We decided for Xmas we would make each other a hamper.
Pjs,face masks,slippers,face wipes and chocolates.
It's my birthday Boxing Day.
Handed her over her gifts.(all of the above )
Got home and opened mine and it's literally a pair of primark pjs,nothing else.
No birthday gift or birthday card.
I feel a bit miffed tbh
Aibu ?

[stschiap]

Is your birthday also a 30th? Or is it just a random birthday - like 28 or something?
I'd never expect any of my friends to buy me stuff for my birthdays and I wouldn't buy them things either. It's just the way we are - but for my 40th quite a few people bought me something and similarly I buy for "big" birthdays.
If it's your 30th on Boxing Day then maybe she is going to surprise you with something then.

Also I don't get the point of exchanging hampers. Just get yourself some stuff if you want to. Maybe I'm miserable as sin but all this exchanging hamper business and secret santa type things are just a pain - everybody ends up with stuff they probably don't really like and want and then you get the threads on Mumsnet "Should I re-gift these primark pyjamas?"

You do sound more generous than her though, so maybe scale it back a bit. You could also suggest no presents apart from big birthdays.

[LaceyBetty]

This seems so childish. I couldn't imagine keeping track of gift giving like this. Give it you want, but not everyone does. Plus, your birthday is still 3 weeks away! Plus, I assume you are an adult.

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

Blimey, competitive grabbiness on here today. I'm glad I don't celebrate Christmas. I give nice birthday presents though. Sometimes. If I remember. Fortunately I have friends who don't keep score. And I get nice birthday presents too. Sometimes. If I'm seeing people, and if they're not broke or have other things on their mind. But fortunately I don't keep score either.

[BrumBoo]

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague

Blimey, competitive grabbiness on here today. I'm glad I don't celebrate Christmas. I give nice birthday presents though. Sometimes. If I remember. Fortunately I have friends who don't keep score. And I get nice birthday presents too. Sometimes. If I'm seeing people, and if they're not broke or have other things on their mind. But fortunately I don't keep score either.

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague, have a . You really are Top Present Martyr of the thread. Shared with the person who only gives a gift to her horse so can't expect anything back...

[coconuttyhead]

I would be miffed too - her idea about the hamper, 1 item is not great for hamper contents! plus no Birthday present. If the reason is not limited finances then she is taking the piss.

[Bonsai49]

I personally don’t like gift giving exchanges with friends . I have a group of friends where we all contribute an equal amount and buy each other something as a group. They are a little more glamorous than me and like nice things - where as my needs and wants are quite basic . They obviously all get a lot out of having a little treat from friends though - so I just go with it . I do think being bought something I don’t need or want is a bit of a waste and am wondering whether to ask them to make a charity donation on my behalf next year... Just a slightly different perspective on gifting with friends

[katy1213]

It all seems a bit pointless. Just buy your own pyjamas in future.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

God the hillier than thou attitude on here really does my head in.
Its not grabby to expect a gift when you've been told your getting one, when you've put a lot of effort into getting one for the other person and when they have agreed on the things that will be in the gift.

OP don't buy her anything else. You ARE NOT being grabby.

[JacobMarley]

You should wait for your birthday date to pass before complaining you didn’t receive a birthday gift.

[Lovemusic33]

I don’t think YABU to feel a little pissed off. You discussed make hampers and she hasn’t done this, hopefully your birthday present is being delivered, if not then just don’t bother getting her as much next year. I love buying gifts and sometimes spend a lot more then was the recipient spends but that doesn’t really bother me, although it’s nice to have a gift that thought has gone into (rather than money).

[Azif]

You’re too grabby. Never give to receive

[TheAirbender]

I always find threads like these odd on mumsnet, I don’t know any adults who exchange birthday gifts. Go out for meals and drinks etc and I paid for a weekend away for my best friends 50th, but other than that...no. But then I only give Xmas gifts to family too and that seems to be unusual on here.

[damnthatanxiety]

@TheAirbender

I always find threads like these odd on mumsnet, I don’t know any adults who exchange birthday gifts. Go out for meals and drinks etc and I paid for a weekend away for my best friends 50th, but other than that...no. But then I only give Xmas gifts to family too and that seems to be unusual on here.

So you did a thing for your friend's 50th but are criticising the OP for having made a deal out of her friend's 30th and not having even a card given to her on presumably her 30th? Huh???

[randomer]

Are you 8 years old?

[ClaireP20]

@Amira19

We stop buying friends Christmas gifts and birthday gifts when we all children op. Sounds like its time to knock it on the head.

I agree with this - it sounds like she is thinking that the gift buying needs to be knocked on the head (a token is fine, but a hamper for each other for Christmas seems a bit excessive).
I am wondering if the idea to buy each other a hamper etc was your idea, and she feels embarrassed to tell you it is a bit much now you are entering your thirtues. Don't say anyhing, next year just get her a nice bottle of wine and chocs x

[mycatlovesmenotyou]

OP, YANBU if you discussed it and agreed what you were going to give each other, then it is NOT grabby to expect what you had talked about. If she couldn't afford it, she could have messaged you and said sorry I need to cut it back, and then its up to you if you continue with the bigger gift from you.

I don't understand why people say you are being grabby when you clearly explain that you had both agreed on what to gift each other!

[TheAirbender]

I didn’t mean to be critical, I apologise if it came across that way. I just don’t know any adults who exchange stuff like PJs and I find it strange, and I’m sharing that 🤷🏻‍♀️

[CorianderQueen]

@Strangedayindeed

Grabby.

NOT EVERYTHING THAT INVOLVES MONEY IS GRABBY.

Op and her friend agreed to make eaChother lovely hampers. She got one item. This makes other friend 'grabby' as she knows she'll be getting way more things.

Op got pal a present and pal made reference to OP birthday present. Op gets no present. Pal was thoughtless.

People are allowed to have expectations of friends when those friends have made you believe that something will happen.

Fucking hate this 'grabby' accusation that's used to make women feel they should be trampled on and have no feelings.

[BrumBoo]

@randomer

Are you 8 years old?

Its hilarious that you of all posters are suggesting someone else sounds immature...

[TurquoiseDragon]

CorianderQueen I totally agree.

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague have a star. You really are Top Present Martyr of the thread. Shared with the person who only gives a gift to her horse so can't expect anything back...

I mean, very witty, obviously, but ... wtf? I give presents. I get presents. I just don't hold a gun to my friends' heads until I've extracted presents to the desired value and then post on mumsnet grizzling because I seem to have blown a hole in all my relationships.

[LaceyBetty]

My take was that OP was mostly miffed about not getting a birthday gift. Her birthday is weeks away! I wouldn't even be thinking about my kids' birthdays that far in advance, let alone a friend's.

[GingerbreadTinselpears]

I have a few people in my extended family who I think have narcissistic traits. One of the traits is that they are very poor gift givers because they find it difficult to show empathy and compassion to others and can't think beyond themselves. On the other hand, don't buy them something meaningful and expensive and you'll soon hear about it.

There are 2 women like this in our family. In 30 years I have had about 2 or 3 gifts off them in total, which were totally thoughtless. However, for their birthdays and Christmas you should see the strop if they are not bought expensive, luxurious gifts. It's madness.

Maybe your friend has narcissistic traits?

[LaceyBetty]

[quote ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]**@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague* have a star. You really are Top Present Martyr of the thread. Shared with the person who only gives a gift to her horse so can't expect anything back...*

I mean, very witty, obviously, but ... wtf? I give presents. I get presents. I just don't hold a gun to my friends' heads until I've extracted presents to the desired value and then post on mumsnet grizzling because I seem to have blown a hole in all my relationships.[/quote]
100% agree.

[LuckyAmy1986]

I could not be doing with this. Arranging to swap hampers with the same stuff in for each other? Save the money and effort and just buy yourself something next year that you actually want/like.