My friend didn't get my a present ,aibu to think it's cheeky?

[hatbatcatxx]

My friend celebrated her 30th birthday in November,I bought her a 3 gifts and spent about £40.
One was a special present (a engraved grandma pic as she died last year )
She said for your birthday I've seen the perfect gift your going to love it.
This morning we met for a quick lunch as we were exchanging Xmas gifts.(the only time we could meet before Xmas )
We decided for Xmas we would make each other a hamper.
Pjs,face masks,slippers,face wipes and chocolates.
It's my birthday Boxing Day.
Handed her over her gifts.(all of the above )
Got home and opened mine and it's literally a pair of primark pjs,nothing else.
No birthday gift or birthday card.
I feel a bit miffed tbh
Aibu ?

[tallduckandhandsome]

I agree OP knows her ‘friend’ better than we do. There will be no present. Now OP just needs to stop giving any presents to her ‘friend’.

[Isthisnothing]

Zzzzzzzz I could have predicted the accusatory replies here.

The OP is not selfish or grabby. The friend suggested the hampers. The friend mentioned the birthday present she had spotted for OP.

Unless this is very out of character (and I suspect you wouldn't be posting here if it was) you are right to be miffed.

I most likely would simply stop with the big presents and spending. Next year when she brings it up I would say "I thought we weren't doing birthday presents anymore" and "this isn't going to be a repeat of the hamper suggestion again is it - ie you get one and I get PJs?"

[Hurtandupset2]

That's awful, @hatbatcatxx and I don't blame you for feeling hurt. It seems you're investing way more into this friendship than she is.

Has it always been this way?

I think the friendship is affected now anyway so you may as well be direct and ask her what happened to the hamper she was meant to be doing and when she'll be bringing your birthday gift around.

🌹🥀🌷⚘ for you

[GingerbreadTinselpears]

Just so u know I was referring to your friend as grabby, not you op

[Crystal87]

Well at least next year you'll know not to do it and save yourself the time and money of getting her a good present.

[hatbatcatxx]

I'm deffo not grabby or selfish.
I've bought toys for a local charity who give to children in our area who won't be getting presents.
I always put money in charity boxes.
If she genuinely had no money I wouldn't give two shits ..It's just the fact she asks for what gifts she wants then I get nothing.

[GingerbreadTinselpears]

I am so over the crap that some of us have to put up with at Christmas. My local food bank is crying out for stuff to give to families who can't even afford to feed their family this Christmas let alone presents. My local food support group went from 1,000 on their books to 6,000 in Lockdown 1. That is what they told me. It makes me sick that here we are talking about some grabby cow who takes but gives very little back.

I am waiting for my local supermarket to slash the booze prices and I am getting them a knockoff bottle of wine and if they don't like it, that is just too bad. I've really had enough.

[OverpaidT]

People are being really quite harsh on this. OP I understand your disappointment completely. I have a friend like you. Very thoughtful in gift giving. I'm not thoughtful and I really struggle to think of things she'd like. But I buy her a gift each year because I'm not a shit friend.

[mummmy2017]

Do send her a text to thank her for your Xmas gifts, and that once Xmas day is over then you can both decided what to do about your Birthday....
Right now you have nothing to lose by sending the message, and it will make you feel better.
Even if she kicks off, you will know to stop buying her things...

[Womencanlift]

For my birthday even

[AncoraAmarena]

@rottiemum88 Are you always so rude? And are you capable of reading a whole thread?

[Womencanlift]

@hatbatcatxx

It was her idea for the hamper.
So we got each other the same and didn't have the worry of "what if she gets me more etc"
We exchange gifts every year.
She was also the one who asked what we were doing for her birthday.
I'm not being grabby,I just get sick of getting the mick taken every time.

So why don’t you do the same and ask her what are we doing god my birthday?

[rottiemum88]

@hatbatcatxx

We always open them straight away.
We are both impatient.

Are you 12?

[hatbatcatxx]

I deffo don't give to receive but when it's gifts plus takeaway etc and the hamper it feels like a bit of a piss take.
She has no kids to buy for or partner and is deffo not skint.

[Crystal87]

I think yabu for expecting an extravagant present. There's more to friendship than that. I used to exchange gifts with friends but that gradually stopped as I had loads of family to buy for and it became hard work. I would stop putting as much thought into her gifts from now on.

[BrumBoo]

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague

And can you not see that what you have put here is the OPPOSITE of what the OP does?

Yes, I can see that very clearly. In fact that was more or less the first comment I made. I prefer my way. Less melodrama.

I think perhaps I'm too old for this thread.

Less old, more sanctimonious, but yes. The op wasn't asking how you do gifts with your friends, she was asking how to deal with a friend who actively expects gifts but without reciprocating.

[eaglejulesk]

Maybe wait until it is your actual birthday before worrying about this? If nothing turns up then simply knock the birthday gift buying on the head in future. As for the Christmas gifts, surely it's not a competition as to who gives the best gift?

[Isthisit22]

All the usual holier than thou shit.

Of course the OP is not being unreasonable. They agreed on gifts and the friend has taken the piss. That is what is upsetting. It's not about gifts, it's about the care taken (or not) by the friend. Anyone who cannot grasp that or claims it is immature clearly has low emotional intelligence not the OP.

[Sunmoonstars77]

Impatient being the operative word here, OP. It's not even your birthday for another 3 weeks or so! You've jumped the gun here. Wait and see! You never know, she may have got you something else !

[ConquestEmpireHungerPlague]

And can you not see that what you have put here is the OPPOSITE of what the OP does?

Yes, I can see that very clearly. In fact that was more or less the first comment I made. I prefer my way. Less melodrama.

I think perhaps I'm too old for this thread.

[tallduckandhandsome]

YANBU, she’s taking the piss. I wouldn’t get her anything again.

Can you text her saying ‘Oi where’s the rest of my present?’

[Maireas]

We can, Lady B'Stard! Not valuing friendship is such an awful thing. Especially if the friend is funny and kind!

[TheLadyOfShallnott]

maireas

Trust me my friend. Your presence is present enough for me ☺️

We can share the mn

[Katgolde]

True, you don't give to receive. However, OP's friend is clearly receiving to receive, which isn't good manners.

[TheWernethWife]

We decided for Xmas we would make each other a hamper.
Pjs,face masks,slippers,face wipes and chocolate

Cue a poster saying "she got you what you wanted" - no she bloody didn't. One pair of cheap Primark pj's, nothing else.