To not know what to do about DMs presents

[GrinchnotHinch]

For my DDs birthday this year I told my DM what I was getting her and when DD opened her gifts (DMs first as well) she’d bought her the same thing! So my gift that was meant to be the main big present was really disappointing for her. I don’t think she did it on purpose in fact she genuinely thought she’d come up with the idea herself. But just incase I didn’t tell her what xmas presents I got DCs.

She‘s told me what she’s got DS for Xmas and it’s identical to my main present for him she was so happy about how much he was going to love it, so I just decided to return mine and didn’t say anything, thought I’d get something else...

But now I’m having all sorts of issues with the return (accessing the website account, not realising the company was abroad, parcel being large) and basically I’ll have to either sell it, which I’m uncomfortable doing due to bad anxiety or give it away and lose the money.

I know I can be a people pleaser so should I have told DM to get him something else?

Is there anything I can do about presents in the future? I’d actually rather she just gave them gift cards but that would make her really unhappy

Give her a specific list of things they might want.
Why are you anxious about selling it out of curiosity?

Just tell her? Explain you are unable to return yours, can she return hers? Suggest an Amazon wishlist or a Pinterest board for ideas for next year.

We ask the parents what the kids would like. Your mum could do that.

In future I would tell her what you've got and if there's a clash say she will need to get something else. You should get to enjoy present giving too. Is your mum generally reasonable or a bit difficult over things like this?
What happened with your DD's present? Did yours get returned then?

I did tell my sister what I was getting so she could’ve told DM and then DM has thought she’s had a “great idea” again

But I can’t know that for sure

I would ask DM if she is able to return hers and offer yours to her to give DC.

The selling thing is just because I have really bad anxiety and find things like that hard, I overthink and stress myself out

Giving her a list to chose from is the kind of thing I need to do! Thank you I never thought of that, I worry if I tell her the things I’ve got in future she’ll think she’s had lots of good ideas

I’m so sorry, DM, I’ve got that too so you’ll need to return yours. If you let me know what you’re thinking of before buying in future, we can stop this happening again.

And then, as a Christmas EVE treat, he can open one present, to prevent DM getting in first on Christmas Day if she ignores you

She’s reasonable in that she would return hers but everyone would know how upset she was about it, not angry at all just... disappointed. I would be made to feel really guilty while she was still saying “no of course I’ll return mine”. So I suppose she does the right thing morally, but it comes with a price emotionally for me

As DDs present was a watch she decided she wanted to keep both and I let her have an extra treat for receiving duplicates

But DSs isn’t something you would ever want/need two of

I know I can be a people pleaser so should I have told DM to get him something else?
No. It was just coincidental.

Is there anything I can do about presents in the future? I’d actually rather she just gave them gift cards but that would make her really unhappy
Don't take away her pleasure from buying presents for her grandchildren. Perhaps put together a list of things you think your children will like and ask her to buy something from it. You buy something that isn't on the list.