Not getting alone with anyone.

[bubblegum7474]

Posting on here for traffic. Sorry

I had a baby about four months ago. Dm has been horrifically unsupportive. Basically argued with me about things she's been unhappy about two weeks after I gave birth. I was distraught with some of the selfish things she came up with. Db and Ds were in support of her as they are young adults, they seem to love pleasing her because (i feel)as I am
15 years their senior , they loved seeing her go into me like she did.

Dm and I have always got along but for the past few months some of her comments really get to me. Things like she hates that Dh and I are a unit and apparently I tell him too much. Constantly going on how I should be raising my kids. So many other things I can't really say on here.

I can't quite explain but I've been feeling quite unpleasant lately. It seems when I think about something random it's always negative. So if I think about my childhood, how much I missed out on or what could have been. How my Dm never really put me first. Or how I was treated unfairly in the past and that I should have done something about it. How friends have let me down in the past. How unintelligent I am
In comparison to my DH and Family. It's all this negativity that really is getting me down. I really don't need to think about all this right now. But it's almost as if it just comes to me.

I've done a quiz online about pnd and it may be likely that I suffer from it. I don't want to think I'm going crazy. Am I?

With all these thoughts, I don't know if it's just me or if people around me are just mean. I've normally been able to not let things bother me and I never used to think about these things. But it seems I do now. What can I do to help?

It sounds like a tough situation. It would be difficult in normal circumstances, the fact that you have only had a baby 4 months and dealing with yhis is so unfair.
I think it is motivated by jealousy on your Mum's part.
You've got a husband and you obviously tell him things, why wouldn't you?
Your Mum seems to have had her nose put out of joint, by the fact that you're not discussing the ins and outs of your relationship/ life with her so much.
I would try and keep contact to a minimum for a while. Give yourself a bit of breathing space. I'd have a chat with your Health Visitor about how you're feeling
I genuinely hope things work themselves out.
Take good care OP x

@Groovinpeanut

It sounds like a tough situation. It would be difficult in normal circumstances, the fact that you have only had a baby 4 months and dealing with yhis is so unfair. I think it is motivated by jealousy on your Mum's part. You've got a husband and you obviously tell him things, why wouldn't you? Your Mum seems to have had her nose put out of joint, by the fact that you're not discussing the ins and outs of your relationship/ life with her so much. I would try and keep contact to a minimum for a while. Give yourself a bit of breathing space. I'd have a chat with your Health Visitor about how you're feeling I genuinely hope things work themselves out. Take good care OP x

Thank you so much for replying. I've never seen that side before so it's really got me down. It's just such selfish behaviour. She even mentions things like how it was worse for her and I apparently have it easy. I believe Everyone has it hard in their own way. It's just plain rude to compare like that

Oh op your mum sounds horribly negative and unkind. I mean what sort of mother ha an argument with their child when they’re only a couple of weeks after giving birth!!

I wonder if you are thinking about your childhood more now that you have your baby. Comparing what you experienced (which doesn’t sound great) with what you hope to provide for your child.

Your mum sounds quite manipulative and controlling. My mum was similar and when I had kids I had to have clear boundaries and Lowe the amount of contact I had with her.

Might be worth talking to someone about PND if you are thinking you might be experiencing that. It also sounds like your family have just been unpleasant too and that bounds to make you feel rubbish!

@AIMD

Oh op your mum sounds horribly negative and unkind. I mean what sort of mother ha an argument with their child when they’re only a couple of weeks after giving birth!!

I wonder if you are thinking about your childhood more now that you have your baby. Comparing what you experienced (which doesn’t sound great) with what you hope to provide for your child.

Your mum sounds quite manipulative and controlling. My mum was similar and when I had kids I had to have clear boundaries and Lowe the amount of contact I had with her.

Might be worth talking to someone about PND if you are thinking you might be experiencing that. It also sounds like your family have just been unpleasant too and that bounds to make you feel rubbish!

It's true. I am comparing. Eg. How could she possibly not put me first in certain situations. It's not a good look and I do t want to because she didn't have a lot back then and times have changed but I can't help but.

I do wonder if it's also her feeling like she's losing territory and of me always asking her for opinions as I do what I feel is best for my children.

I'm glad to feel more like it's not me. I need to somehow manage her and expectations. She has even had the audacity to ask me to do things for her (order this or that) because apparently her other adult children 'don't know how to' when I barely have time to take a breather myself.

My Mum was quite awful when I had children, It was unsettling to realise after having children how un-maternal my mother has always been. I cried so much when I found out I was having a girl because of my relationship as a child with my mother. Her idea of a wonderful compliment is to tell me I’m a good mother which is a suprise because I was a awful child. Your DH and DC are what’s important now, your mother is probably feeling that. She seems very controlling.

@Frannibananni

My Mum was quite awful when I had children, It was unsettling to realise after having children how un-maternal my mother has always been. I cried so much when I found out I was having a girl because of my relationship as a child with my mother. Her idea of a wonderful compliment is to tell me I’m a good mother which is a suprise because I was a awful child. Your DH and DC are what’s important now, your mother is probably feeling that. She seems very controlling.

I am surprised that they forget how it's like after having a baby. Dm has also been going on about the amount of weight I put on. 'Your stomach is huge and you're so fat'. I used to be a size 10 and now a size 12.

I don't know how to beat these comments.

The comparing thing can be painful. I know I think back to things my parents did or didn’t do when I was a child and it hurt that they acted the way they did. It still makes me sad at 35 that they aren’t able to be more emotionally responsive or helpful.

I have found having strict boundaries helpful though. I also found that it was when I had my first child I started being better at having boundaries with them, because I absolutely wouldn’t let them ruin how I wanted to parent and take over my life.

Sounds like you need to think through ways you can maintain boundaries with her. I would suggest you learn to say no.....I thought I had learnt to say no, as the last 8 years ish things have been better. However I am currently doing everything for their house move so obviously I haven’t 😂

I think as we become parents we do naturally question the parenting we received as children. I certainly have. Sometimes it hurts because we realise what we missed out on. I’m sorry you are going through this. You could have PND and should talk to a health professional if you are concerned. Counselling could also help but I would talk to someone about PND first.

Also, your mother’s comment about your weight is just horrible. Concentrate on you, your child and husband. Sending you

Also you aren’t going crazy. Child birth floods your body with different hormones and sometimes these become a bit out of sync. Keep talking about how you feel. That’s very important too