AIBU to want to know how NOT to want to run away from my problems?

[berrygirlie]

Not NCed because I think it's important I don't disassociate myself with my MH issues.

How do I stop wanting to flee every situation I'm in? Studying, relationships, hobbies, everything. I was reading a thread about self care and I realised just how often I want to go and live in a parallel universe where I've made alternate choices.

I tend to think of myself as happy, but I'm so incredibly compulsive and impulsive all of the time and it's a battle to constantly fight and think, "No, you don't want to drop out of studying", "No, you don't want to get in contact with your ex boyfriend", "No, you don't want to shave your eyebrows off again". I think from the outside I look insane, and I feel it on the inside sometimes too.

Anyone got any tips / experiences? Even if you've not got any advice, would be great to hear that this is an issue other human beings experience (and sorry this is barely an AIBU, mostly posting for traffic)

Sorry, no real advice. I've been in several situations where I felt overwhelmed or had to make a choice. For me, it helped to think of the outcome of the situation. If you ring Ex and they end up back in your life, will this improve or make your life worse?....if you shave your eyebrows off, will you feel relief or regret? Etc

I did have a friend who self-sabotaged on a regular basis and nothing I said made a difference.

I think we all have impulses, people just have different levels of control over them.

Start small. I used to be like this but I’m not now and anxiety greatly improves.

Start by only telling the truth so you never get caught in a lie. say ‘no’ if you don’t want to do something.

When you make a mistake out your hand up. Think if the solutions too.

I accidentally paid someone their entire annual salary once. I realised very quickly, went straight to my manager and told her exactly what had happened and how. It was fine. We fixed it.

‘Sorry - that might be my mistake - let me check and come back to you’

Stop hiding and you’ll feel like a different person.

Play the tape forward. How will this decision make you feel in 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 days? 5 years?

Take some time, distract yourself with something else. Revisit it when you are calm. Make sure to see to your physiological needs first, I make really bad judgment calls when hungry, tired etc. But honestly you'd be amazed how often making a cup of tea has saved me from an impending disaster.

Deal with the hard thing, then decide if you want to continue. So if you want to quit your job because you hate getting up for the commute, don't make that snap decision in your warm bed in the morning or on the train, make it after you get home in the evening. If your studying, decide once you've finished that deadly assignment or sat your exam.

Get the shit things done first, then reward yourself. Procrastination is prolonged stress, delayed gratification is prolonged joy.

Mostly though, practice. The first time you do something uncomfortable, scary or difficult it feels impossible (its not!) but once you've done it you know you can do it, and over time it becomes easier. You strengthen the pathways in your brain that make you act with courage and conviction, and weaken the pathways in your brain that make you hide or run away. Eventually being brave becomes the default. You no longer flinch from the hard bits in life, instead you approach life optimistically and not fearfully.

Work out what you want from the changes and maybe try mini versions. So if you want to drop out of studying because you're feeling bored or overwhelmed, take a day or two to do something else, plan a nice walk or a trip out somewhere (depending on what restrictions are like where you are) and give yourself what you need without derailing the long term plan. If you want to shave your eyebrows off because you're bored of your look then play with makeup, get some temporary hair dye or just browse pinterest for different looks. By giving yourself a taste of the change you can delay the need for later when you've had more time to think and dipped your toe in the water without diving right in. It may be some of those changes are right for you but at least you are more sure of your decision.

First, give yourself a break from thinking about the situation. Just do something distracting that you enjoy for half an hour to get yourself out of a panic frame of mind.

Then take whatever it is you are facing and break it down into smaller chunks. So studying for example, list out your assignments and deadlines. Take the most necessary one and if say I'll get the first 2 pages done today, 2 more tomorrow etc.

And don't be afraid to admit you need help, ask for extensions, ask for friends to help you get on top of stuff they can help with. Everyone has bad times so friends understand that and companies are set up to cut you some slack these days.