*TW* was this assault?

[livinlavida]

Please be gentle - reeling from this entire year.
When I was 17 I went to a house party, got very drunk, and had sex with an older lad. All was
Safe and consensual which I am certain of, I remember this even though I was drunk.
After this took place I went back to the party, carried on drinking, and then everything blacks out from that point, until I woke up.
When I woke, I was lying on a mattress, naked from the waist down. There was someone laid behind me, touching me intimately. I didn't know who this person was, I didn't remember how I got there, and In fear I froze. After a couple minutes, he hadn't stopped, so I coughed and he stopped, stood up and scurried out. I only saw the back of him, I know it wasn't the same person as earlier as he was much larger and taller.
I couldn't find my clothes, when I did I went and shut myself in the person I went withs car and sat there until the morning. I didn't tell anyone, and never have until this year.
I have struggled with my mental health and this hasn't helped. I had the courage to tell a few close friends, Dh and my mum. All were
Fantastic, apart from a couple people who I'm not as close to, who I decided to confide in. They basically told me not to dwell on it, that it wasn't rape, etc. I don't remember, or know if he had full sex with me. I was unconscious and woke to him touching me. Therefore, I don't know if it was rape. I don't even know if it was a big deal? I don't know the entire story, and after bottling it up and finally letting it out I feel a bit like I've made a fuss over nothing.
I confided in my Gp this year, when I got horrendously upset during an exam in that area. She wants to refer me to counselling for sexual assault victims, and part of me thinks I should but the other part feels like I'm a fraud and it's nothing. If my Dh lays behind me and I wake up with him too close I panic and start to cry. I hate anyone being behind me at all.

AIBU to class this as sexual assault? Or am I just being silly and need to let it go as it's been over a decade?
Thanks for reading if you got this far ❤️

I think your GP is right, and you should consider counselling for sexual assault
Whatever happened, or didn’t happen, it continues to affect you, understandably.

@Schmoozer

I think your GP is right, and you should consider counselling for sexual assault Whatever happened, or didn’t happen, it continues to affect you, understandably.

Agree completely with this.

Be kind to yourself, there is nothing here that makes you a fraud. We shut bad things out, when they come back it's like they're a brand new experience, just because this is a decade in the making, doesn't mean the pain is a decade old.

It was sexual assault and do take up the offer by your GP. Be kind to yourself and a big hand hold and hug from me

I share your confusion- it feels as though it doesn't really make sense for these things to have such a huge impact on us.

But they do. They lurk in corners of our mind and leave us feeling uncertain and vulnerable.

It was assault, you have every right to feel affected by it, and I'm glad your gp is suggesting support for you.

Whatever happened it has resulted in trauma that is impacting your life now. You don't even need to give it label just yet but you do need to speak with someone who can help you unravel the feelings you have and help you recover.

All the best OP