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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do teachers ever expect Christmas gifts?

50 replies

MerryChristmas9792 · 02/12/2020 18:19

Not just this year but every year? Growing up my mum would always make us take gifts in. I started doing the same when DS started school - much to my husbands annoyance. He says it’s not needed and just send a card or an appreciative email.

Anyway. I now have 2 at school. This means 2 teachers and at least 6 teaching assistants that work on varying days.

Do they expect it? I do really appreciate all they do but 8 gifts seems a stretched - even at £5 each that’ll be £40. We’ve just had a heavy month - car repairs and out heating has just gone wrong which cost us nearly a grand to fix on top of Christmas.

Is a card (written by dc) and a verbal thank you from enough! Maybe I’ll leave the gifts until the end of the year?

OP posts:

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 19:03

@ThisIsMeOrIsIt

Never expect gifts. If I get a card it's lovely, nevermind anything else.

That said, the best present I ever received was from a boy who barely spoke all year (Reception). He had speech and language difficulties. But he got me a pack of sticky ninjas from the pound shop! His dad said he'd seen them and said my name so they got them for me. Best present ever!

That is lovely!

BraveBananaBadge · 02/12/2020 19:05

Glad I read this - our mums WhatsApp whip round asks for £20 each every Christmas and end of term, I always thought that was well OTT.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 02/12/2020 19:10

@BraveBananaBadge

Glad I read this - our mums WhatsApp whip round asks for £20 each every Christmas and end of term, I always thought that was well OTT.

That's a ridiculous amount of money!

GameSetMatch · 02/12/2020 19:12

I usually give my sons teachers a gift but this year I’m not impressed with his teacher, he just seems to be on an iPad all day and she’s not stretching him, so I’m not bothering.

rc22 · 02/12/2020 19:15

No. We really don't.

FamBae · 02/12/2020 19:19

Wow my dc's teachers got a box of Maltesers back in the day in fact our local Co-op used to order in extra stock of them. My DD is a teacher she never mentions presents but always proudly shows me the hand made cards her pupils make her.

ThisIsMeOrIsIt that is so lovely.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 02/12/2020 19:20

At my previous 2 schools, class gifts and/or individual presents were the norm from most classes and/or families.

At my current school, very few families gave any gifts or even cards last year! I'll admit, I was a bit surprised, tbh, especially since the teaching staff really does go above and beyond with so many needy and challenging children.

notanothertakeaway · 02/12/2020 19:24

@DinosApple

The best cards are the ones when a little child draws a picture of the teacher. They always make me

@DinosApple That's adorable. Wish I'd thought of it when my kids were in primary

Ispini · 02/12/2020 19:27

I used to get a lot of gifts when working abroad but not so much in the UK. I love a handmade card or a bar of chocolate, something small or a a nice note means a lot.
The expensive gifts I got in ‘posh’ schools were bought by housekeepers and kids had very little to do with it. A lovely picture or cupcake meant far more to me.

ImPrincessAurora · 02/12/2020 19:36

@BraveBananaBadge

Glad I read this - our mums WhatsApp whip round asks for £20 each every Christmas and end of term, I always thought that was well OTT.

Our ‘suggested donation’ is £15 each child. I have 2 in school and can’t run my business during lockdown. But donations are not anonymous and we aren’t allowed to sign the card if we don’t contribute.

echt · 02/12/2020 19:39

No teacher expects a gift.

specialcase123 · 02/12/2020 19:41

card only/email please!

I won't be taking presents from your child's covid infested hands. if I do it'll be sprayed with chlorine first and then probably won't taste as nice.

I'm kidding - but seriously just an email saying thanks for your hard work is nice. it very rarely happens in secondary, but means a lot when it does.

GuyFawkesDay · 02/12/2020 19:44

Card or email is plenty!!!

Best gifts as PPs have said: box of choccies or biscuits for the staffroom. They're inhaled in seconds as all teachers exist on tea/coffee and sugar.

Tiredforfive45 · 02/12/2020 19:50

I love an email/ card with kind words.

I work in a school where collections are the norm and I hate that parents may feel expected to contribute!

We have put out a message this year asking that rather than giving staff gifts, they buy treats to donate to a local food bank, should they wish. We had 3 emails of complaint about this!

myfatiguehastiredness · 02/12/2020 19:51

No and as secondary and in special needs rarely get one. Quite often it is the pupil for whom I have done the least from whom I get a present and the one whom I have spent hours and hours and hours of time dealing with then nothing but I am paid so I shouldn't get gifts. A card is lovely. Biscuits or chocs a week or two before end of term = fab. We are on our knees at the moment. I am almost sobbing with tiredness and am not sleeping due to stress. At this point in the term UTIs are rife as we don't have time to go to the loo. I had twenty minutes break today and have just finished parents evening. So chocs, biccies. I personally want to do something for our fabulous cleaners. So much mud being tramped in at the moment. Catering staff too are just amazing and keep us all fed. Thank you if you work in school support - you are fab and we can't manage without you in these difficult times.

Brightbluebell · 02/12/2020 19:55

I have worked in a number of primary schools. At the schools which served the most deprived communities, staff expected nothing and if a child brought in a card they were delighted and if they gave them a box of Maltesers, they were incredibly grateful, touched and overwhelmed. At the schools where the communities were more affluent and the parents were professional and wealthy, teachers did come to expect that they would receive many, generous gifts. This could include class collections to the value of £350 each for vouchers for Amazon/spa days etc. It did become a little unpleasant how very entitled and expectant some (not all) of the teachers were about presents from the children and the comparisons in the staff room were quite difficult to listen to. I always struggled with the excessive nature of it all.

So, yes, some teachers do expect presents but most don’t, in my experience.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 20:03

@Tiredforfive45

I love an email/ card with kind words.

I work in a school where collections are the norm and I hate that parents may feel expected to contribute!

We have put out a message this year asking that rather than giving staff gifts, they buy treats to donate to a local food bank, should they wish. We had 3 emails of complaint about this!

That's a good idea.

user1471598758 · 02/12/2020 20:04

I always send something because I like my kids to be involved in making/choosing/giving as many gifts as possible so that their experience of Christmas isn’t all about receiving. This year I’ve got some cellophane sweetie cones and a big box of celebrations; the kids have filled up each cone with chocolates, decorated in in stickers and tied it up with ribbons, and will give one to each teacher and ta with a handmade card. It’s only cost me a couple of quid for 8 teachers and the kids have had a few hours crafting enjoyment, and hopefully the teachers will recognize the appreciation we have for them even on a tight budget.

DianeChambers · 02/12/2020 20:05

Im secondary and wouldnt even expect a card. That said, a got one from a year 7 today saying I was the best teacher. Im putting it on my CPDL documents as evidence

LittleRa · 02/12/2020 20:05

I’m a teacher in a deprived area, even if I was in a leafy suburb I would not expect gifts. My best “gifts” are cards from the children where they’ve drawn a little picture or written a little message. My absolute best gift would be if you emailed and rang my Head Teacher to say nice things about me (if you had something nice to say, that is!)

Curioushorse · 02/12/2020 20:06

No way do I expect gifts. In fact, now that I’m a parent I’m genuinely horrified at how much thought/ money parents put into this. The gifts that mean the most to me are definitely cards from the kids, or even an email from a parent. It’s a little embarrassing if they give loads.

Please don’t spend £40. That’s loads!

CarrieBlue · 02/12/2020 20:08

I get a wodge of Argos catalogues, expected presents circled and handed out to every child in my class.

NailsNeedDoing · 02/12/2020 20:12

No, it’s not expected. Back when my children were little I thought the whole point of teacher gifts was to show them that it was nice to be kind and thankful to their teachers who did so much for them. It’s not about the teacher receiving a card or a present, it’s about the child taking the time to do a kind thing and say thank you. You don’t need to spend £5 to achieve that.

KatherineOfGaunt · 04/12/2020 08:22

@DianeChambers

Im secondary and wouldnt even expect a card. That said, a got one from a year 7 today saying I was the best teacher. Im putting it on my CPDL documents as evidence

misskatamari · 04/12/2020 08:25

I taught secondary, so gifts were rare. It was lovely when pupils did give me some, but honestly, having an appreciative card was the best gift. It's a thankless job a lot of the time, so reading that you are appreciated and have helped a child learn etc, really was the best thing I could have gotten.

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