To think I have completely messed up in my new job?

[PandaCarr]

I am quite mortified to type this and i really just want the ground to swallow me up.

I have been working in a school and spending quite a bit of time helping one particular child who I have really grown so fond of in the last few months. Recently, this child has been violent towards me but she is young and I understand the challenges she faces.

Anyway, when she was being dropped off this morning, I spoke to her parent and for some stupid reason, when we were talking, I said, "I think she has reached a point where she is really very comfortable around me so will show the worst of herself to me." I didnt mean this to come out the way it did. I meant that she was so comfortable around me and that is why she had directed her anger towards me. From the look on her dad's face when I said it, I dont think anyone in the school has actually told him that she was violent towards me so he wont even understand the context of what I said. I am in my probation period and am now terrified incase he puts in a complaint about me. I am trying so hard in this job. I am truly giving it my all and I am just worrying that this could really come back to bite me. I feel so awful if i have caused his parent any upset too.

I am just sat here, alone worrying :(

YANBU. It is something that needs to be addressed.
I would have been very upset if my DD had been violent towards anybody and I hadn’t been told.

Sorry, that was as clear as mud.
IMVHO, you have done nothing wrong

Did you report her violence? If you did, did the school tell her parents?

I'm shocked the school haven't reported the violence to the parents. Are you sure of this?

I don’t think you have done anything wrong at all, you weren’t even criticising her, just saying that she is comfortable around you. Her parents should have been told by the school that she is being violent towards you and you should be getting support. The dad was probably just surprised which is understandable as he clearly has not been kept informed. I think you should stop worrying, it sounds like you are doing a good job.

You've done nothing wrong. Of course you would be working on the assumption he knows.
It's the school fuck up in not telling the parents not yours! How could you know they're aren't following what I would think is fairly standard practice in letting parents know when a child is violent at school. Try to relax op. And if you're confident enough address why the parents weren't told.

You haven't messed up! He might go home, think about what you've said and phone your line manager for more info. So make sure you let him /her know what happened so they are in the loop. Just a quick email, keep it factual and move on. The fact you are worrying about this shows you care!

Why would he put in a complaint? Is there some more background information?

Putting in a complaint is an unusual them to use in a parent/school staff context imo, have you had a career change from a hostile work situation?

I'm not involved in the child being collected so I cant say for certain if the violence was mentioned to the dad. Her parents know there are issues with her lashing out and hurting others but I just got the feeling that he was shocked by me saying about her showing me the worst in her. I mean, it was a very clumsy way for me to phrase it so he may have just been annoyed by that. I wasn't in a position to be able to elaborate as other parents started to arrive and it wouldn't have been appropriate.

Maybe it was slightly clumsily worded, depends on the type of parent, but I wouldn't worry about your job. It's not that bad at all!

If dad hasn't been told about the incident that's not your fault, he should know about it.

It may be that he’s unaware of the violence issue and you’ve just insulted him by implying that his own daughter isn’t comfortable enough with him to show her “true side”?

I think it was a weird thing to say to a parent of any child, let alone one you are working with in a professional capacity.

I can't imagine saying that about anyone. 'showing the worst of themselves'.

@SavoyCabbage yes - thats exactly how i feel about it! I cant believe I said it. It came out before I had thought about what I was saying, if that makes sense. Im normally a good communicator.

Try not to worry. Iv sometimes felt like iv been hit between the eyes with off handed comment from teacher or my child's assistant. Especially if you think things are going smoothly then you realise you didn't have full picture from the school - its difficult balance of keeping informed as a parent and knowing too much

Could you go to someone higher tomorrow and explain that it's been playing on your mind. You feel you've said something in the wrong context to a parent. I'm sure they will reassure you that you've done nothing wrong. Try not to worry op

@Freyaismyname I would worry that this would be dropping myself in it, if the parent doesn't mention anything to the school.

There is an excellent chance that dad will never mention this again, and you can go on being a great TA and, if you feel it's necessary, redeem yourself by supporting their child to the very best of your abilities.

If he speaks to you about it, or complains, then you clarify - you just said that you now have such a good relationship that they can relax and be themselves around you. There is nothing wrong with this. It is common for children to bottle up their emotions at school and explode at home, where they feel safe. You are someone this child feels safe with. I really don't think you need to worry about this.

Thank you @rawlikesushi. That really is exactly what I meant.

Good post Raw.

And make sure you say something positive about the child next time you talk to the parent.

Working one to one can be a hard job.

I don’t think you’ve said or done anything remotely likely to cause you getting in trouble. I’m a teacher too.

I understand exactly what you meant and I don’t think that’s anything to complain about.