Are you seeing any of your family?

[Catsandkittens638297]

I'd just like to start by saying since the start of lock downs iv followed the rules, not been out unless it's for food shopping or a walk in the local woods to get the kids out the house. I don't know anyone where I live so haven't seen anyone.

My mum is 41 no health issues, completely healthy she works at a school. My stepdad also completely healthy runs a take away.

My stepdad told my mum she's not allowed to see us at all over Christmas because he doesn't want to get his mum and dad Ill & they have to spend Xmas at his mum's in her back garden.

I asked my mum if she'd take my eldest on the weekend (not seen in since the beginning of lockdown),as DH doesn't get paid till the week before Christmas & we need to go get their presents because we don't want to risk delivery not coming. I said I would get a covid test to put her mind at ease. I said I could bring him to her house or she could pick him up but she won't.

Aibu?
Please don't be abusive or rude

I thought childcare was allowed? You mum and step dad are exposed to some risk anyway through their jobs so I don’t see why he’s being so dictatorial now.
Is your stepdad using this to be an arse?

@Finfintytint yeah he's quite controlling with my mum, also the type of guy to ban the house from eating tin tomatoes because he watched something that said they give you cancer 🤦

I’d try and support your mum and let her gradually come to her own conclusion that he is being unreasonable. You may not win the childcare battle this time but you need to think beyond this corona crisis and encourage her to start thinking for herself based on facts not his declarations.

Sorry OP - your mum has a DH problem, as they say on MN. He sounds like an arse.

No, YANBU. He is.

Your stepdad sounds like a controlling arsehole.

If he is concerned for his parents health then I understand that if he sees them regularly. If he works in a takeaway he will be (hopefully) wearing a mask as will the majority of his staff/customers so less risk there. What age school does your mum work in & what position? How old is dc? If she doesn't have a teaching role I could understand also why he sees less risk there as she wouldn't be coming into direct contact with the children at the school so less risk there also. BUT what I'm confused with is if it is a case of not wanting dc because of risk to his parents....you said they are sitting outside in garden? If they aren't in the house then chances of catching anything are slim so why say it's because of them he would rather not? Makes no sense. Can't work out if he is being an arse or not....

I've not seen any of my family. Done all my xmas shopping online already.

I think no one is being unreasonable here. It’s fair enough to ask for childcare help but it’s also fair enough for them to say no.

Yes no one is BU. Agree with above poster.

Yeah.. im seeing my parents, and have done all along. mother has dementia and will probably be in a home this time next year and my father would have probably cracked up if I'd not been around to keep him going... yeah I've seen them cos there's more immediate and urgent problems to deal with than the possibility
of covid, would you believe?

I disagree and think stepdad v unreasonable. So your mum works in a school but can't see her grandkids?? Hell would freeze over before any man stopped me from seeing my grandkids

She's works as a teaching assistant so is in contact with the kids! Iv not seen my mum for Christmas since I was 15 because he's always made her go to his parents. She was crying down the phone to me because she wanted to see us. My DS is 3. He never goes into their house from what I gather and is always out side (since covid anyway). He's got to see all his family members, brothers, cousins etc.

Does she have any support if she wants to leave, or does she feel like she is stuck with him?

@Thelnebriati she's wanted to leave for a long time but she's scared hel take their kids away from her

Meeting up with my family for a socially distanced country walk half way between our homes (we’re far apart) in mid Dec- we’ll swap presents then. We’ll see them again for another walk probably on 28th or thereabouts.

Can’t get to DH’s family as they’re in north wales- so too far to meet up in a day and there’s no way we want to travel in the 5 day window or stay in anybody’s home. I’m afraid I think it’s very dangerous.

Nobody in our family will be alone however- if they had been we would have done it differently.

Sorry OP- I totally misread your post.

Your stepdad sounds horrible :( definitely try and see your Mum and any family- she’ll need the support. I hope it’s all ok.

Your step dad sounds awful. I think sadly you will have to discount any help from your Mum as she won't be able to provide it. Re Christmas presents I just started ordering mine on Monday (waiting for pay day!) and some has been dropped off today. That's with standard delivery so no extra charge. You might be surprised how quickly you can get things. Also places like the middle isle at Lidl are great for presents. They have loads of Harry Potter stuff at the moment plus branded toys plus their own really nice wooden toys. Worth a look while you are shopping. Christmas is stressful. Hope it goes O.K.