To ask how you deal with this

[87Shadow87]

I'm sure every parent with a child 10Y or over has been there with this one.

The "But all my friends are allowed"

After checking that all the friends ARE actually allowed, or the majority.. are you more likely to cave and let them or stand firm with your original 'no' answer?

Depends what it was. If the parents that I thought were ok and on my wavelength allowed something I would give it some consideration after maybe talking to them about it.
Mine are 18 and 21 now but remember a phase in middle school where it was constantly about computer games age limits.

Usually its not remotely true that everyone else is allowed. If it really was, I miht change my mind on it. Depends on what it is

A quick text to another parent can establish how true it is.

After checking that all the friends ARE actually allowed, or the majority.. are you more likely to cave and let them or stand firm with your original 'no' answer?

I wouldn't even check. I make my parenting decisions on what I think is best, not what the other parents think.

I wouldn't check either
Classic attempt at manipulation

I would be interested to hear why the parents that allowed it did. Then decide after talking to DH.

I think we need to know what it is though!

“Well that’s nice, but I’m not their mum”

And if pushed

“Ok I’ll just drop a note to the mums WhatsApp group to chat about it shall I?” Given with a hard stare.

Works every time.

Depends.

If I fundamentally was opposed to it, regardless, then I wouldn't care about "everyone else" and would expect to explain my reasoning to them.

If I was just a bit on the fence, or hadn't thought about it past a knee-jerk reaction, I'd do a bit of research and then - if I was still on the fence - weigh up whether it would help my child socially or with some less nebulous aspect of life in general.

Depends what it is, smoke weed? No, I'd question the parenting of their friends. Play an 18 rated game? No, I'd explain why I dont think its suitable for them and why I think they'll benefit from not having access to it. Go on a bike ride further than I'd have liked, yes, if they're with friends who's parents are confident in them and I'd explain what to do if something went wrong and give him a mobile phone to call me if he needs me.

Make your decisions based on your information, your kid and your family values. If it's borderline tell them when you will look at it again. Explain your thought process and reasoning and they will understand it's not just a "no"

Yes I have been there. I would normally explain that you as a parent set the rules for the house, and that what happens in other households is not relevant. Having spoken to parents elsewhere I tended to find that kids had been creative on what was allowed elsewhere. So I was not totally surprised that other kids were not allowed to game until midnight, or that other kids were not allowed to constantly eat burgers and chips. You will actually get a sulk and the why questions, when you say no but set the rules and stick to them.

I must confess that DC2 had access to things purely because DC1 who was 2 1/2 years older did, and looking back he was 'allowed' to venture much further than DC1 was at the same age.

I remember DC2 being allowed wherever he wanted in town, but one of his mates could only go as far as the chip shop, one of the others couldn't go further than the library etc.

I think that if, for instance, your dd has got to the age of 11 and was begging to have her ears pierced, and her whole friendship group actually did have pierced ears, then why would you be so bloody-minded as to say no?

But if it was to stay up chatting away on social media till midnight on a schoolnight, then it would be a no.

I'm quite lax on lots of things, but others I'm inflexible about. Even as an adult there are things I don't think are a good idea for adults that a lot of kids do with impunity. I'm very wary of social media. My eldest would happily put herself on Tiktok, YouTube, etc. But it's a hell no for me!

I think there are some things that are unique to a child though. You can have two children the same age one of whom is perfectly capable of looking after their own ear piercings, and another who is still being supervised to make sure they brush their teeth

Your family your rules.

I don't care what other families are allowed.

End of.

Really depends what it is

I’d usually only say no if I had a problem with the thing, so it wouldn’t matter who else allowed it.

Mine is a bit younger but uses that line sometimes. I know that occasionally it's true, but that's irrelevant.

My go to answer is
"What x does is her parent's choice. She's not my child,you are.I don't care about x,I care about you and I don't agree with/to this" and explain why I'm saying no. 9 out of 10 times she'll agree that it probably is unwise and I also agree to talk about it when she's older.