My partner's driving scares me!

[Charis1503]

Just had a huge row with my fiance about driving.

He has always had fast sports cars, just sold his Porsche and picks up a sodding mazarati at the weekend. He suggested a road trip to Scotland after lock down ect.

There is no way in hell I'm going. His driving absolutely petrified me. He doesn't really break the speed limit - but I feel he drives way to close to the car in front - he always seems to be slamming on his breaks. He pulls out in gaps my crappy nissan would never make in time - I just can't help being scared. Last road trip to Wales I physically threw up I was frightened so badly.

I spend journeys with my eyes closed and actually shaking.

He basically says I suck the fun out of driving and thinks I'm completely pathetic. I've tried to explain why I'm frightened i.e in my car I'd never be able to pull out in a small gap because I don't have the oomph like his car does.

I feel he makes NO effort when I'm in the car to drive more considerately i.e just leave a little bit more space between us and the car in front.

Am I a raving lunatic or should he accept I don't enjoy his driving?

[quote MrJollyLivesNextDoor]@CandyLeBonBon

Of course he is [/quote]
Not sure how you fit two kids in the back at a Maserati?

Ps I know you said it was fear but fear to the point of sickness is just so beyond my comprehension that I’m just slack jawed that he could scare you that much and not care. Did he possibly think it was motion sickness? If not, he’s a hideous person.

@ CurrentEvents
Have you reported him to the police for dangerous driving?

@IdblowJonSnow

Agree he sounds like a twat! No one behaves like this in isolation, it's indicative of wider bellend behaviour, selfishness, recklessness etc. Sooner or later he'll be in an accident- don't be in it too.

This ^^

@Charis1503 @CurrentEvents
It's a red flag as to someone's character, a car doesn't have magic powers to turn someone from a normal person to a dickhead who thinks their 'right' to drive fast trumps the safety of other road users.

Oh i had one of these. Just one of many risk taking behaviours that he inflicted on me. Horrible.

@CurrentEvents I don't know if he's genuinely nice apart from being an arrogant aggressive person being the wheel or if you're just used to him and his behaviour. I can't imagine that kind of temperament being exclusive to being in the driving seat and then getting out of the car and being a kind and patient role model for children for example.

I engaged in plenty of risky behaviour in my teens and twenties but fortunately grew out of it and accept I was lucky.
It's hugely unpleasant to be driving in front of an aggressive driver like that.
Let's hope he doesn't hurt or kill anyone else (or himself for the sake of your children). And please, please don't let him teach them to drive!

God my exh was like this! Not in a posh sports car - a completely ordinary crappy car - but he drove up close to others, racing gear changes, cutting of corners etc Really scared me. Then would have a go at me for looking scared / holding on to the arm rest or involuntarily gasping. Really hard not to when someone drives like a dick!

Look at “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft - using the car to scare you can be a form of emotional abuse in some cases - not saying it is in yours as I don’t have enough info to say!

One thing that’s helped exh calm down seems to be getting an automatic!

reminds me of a quote from the film Personal Services.
"BCSD?"
"Big car, small dick"

@Trumplosttheelection

He cares more about getting his kicks from pretending he's Lewis Hamilton than he cares about your feelings. Dump the fucker and make sure your handbag or coat button 'accidentally' scratches his car as well. That will hit the selfish bastard where it hurts.

Agree. He doesn’t care about your feelings.

My DH was similar, and early on in the relationship I asked him to drive more carefully with me in the car, so he does. I imagine he still drives like a twat when I’m not there.

I hope he’s a really good shag for you to be putting up with this.

Driving like that featured in my friend's list of unreasonable behaviours in their divorce.

It's reckless with peoples' lives and health and just plain nasty about your feelings.

It might not help

But w guy went into me at 45mph. When I had to do an emergency stop.

He caught me on the corner. I went up a kerb. Rolled 5 times and landed on my roof. I was knocked out on my steering wheel. It took the ambulance service 6 hrs to cut me out.

Now imagine that same scenario at 70. I’d be dead.

Now imagine there’s kids in the back of the car. The back of my car was a mess. I would of died had I been in the back.

The man who hit me. Was the first person to me. Obviously. He was in such a mess psychologically. I saw him a year later and he told me after seeing what he did. He never ever drove close to another person. I believe him. He went into shock and had to be hospitalised himself. He offered to pay everything out of pocket immediately and told me he’d pay for me to have everything done privately. I claimed exactly what I’d lost. He was a good guy that sadly made a very bad decision that ended up being nearly deadly. But hey. He stopped for a while.

@MrsMoastyToasty

I had a running joke with a friend on that theme. Every time you hear the revving of a souped-up engine or hairdryer-style scooter we'd just break off mid-sentence and say "SMALL PENIS" and then carry on.

My DH’s sister ‘K’ was married to a man like your fiancé.
He thought he was so cool speeding along country lanes in his sports car until one day he lost control and K was speared in the chest by a fence post through the windscreen. She died in hospital a few hours later. Her ‘DH’ walked away with cuts and bruises.

This is a serious deal breaker, not just a case of him liking marmite and you don’t like it.

This isn’t just about the driving he clearly has no respect for you. I’m sure there will be other things he tells on you he’s right and your just making a fuss over nothing

Someone that makes his owner partner sick and shake with fear should be wanting to support you and drive differently with you in the car. Let him drive like a reckless idiot by himself full time and find a decent partner

My ex was an arsehole when driving, aggressive and foolish. Turned out he was a foolish aggressive arsehole person. That’s why he’s an ex.
Why be with someone you’re scared to get in a car with?

For once, I'm going to join in the pile on. He's a twat.

If he wants to drive like a 12 year old on Forza on his own time, that's up to him (although tailgaters should be taken away and shot. A's the first warning) but if he's driving so badly with you in the car and it's scaring you and he doesn't care, how much of a red flag do you need?

I won't be jumping on the pile-on given we only have one side of this story. One person's perfectly legal and reasonable stopping distance and 'tiny gap' which is actually more than sufficient to safely join traffic is another person's terrifying white knuckle ride where you hope to get out alive. OP already said that she has a less powerful car and that's part of what motivates her fear, as she can't do the same manoeuvres in hers.

I hate terrible backseat drivers and they're invariably (in my experience) people that aren't that confident while driving or don't understand that a higher performance car means you can do things that a Vauxhall Corsa can't. I wouldn't change my driving style, I'd just stop inviting you into my car.

My DH does 1000s miles/year and is a very good driver. I’ve recently become anxious while driving (thanks perimenopausal anxiety ) and I know we’re safe and we’re not too close/too fast etc but because I have anxiety around driving especially with the DC in the car, he will always slow down when he sees my white knuckles on my seat. He doesn’t tell me I’m being ridiculous (even though I am) he just slows down and doesn’t do anything daft. Your DP is showing how much respect he has for you unfortunately. One question, if you’re planning on having children, will he keep the Maserati? Would he still be accelerating like a numpty and slamming the breaks in with a baby in the car?

@PolPotNoodle

I won't be jumping on the pile-on given we only have one side of this story. One person's perfectly legal and reasonable stopping distance and 'tiny gap' which is actually more than sufficient to safely join traffic is another person's terrifying white knuckle ride where you hope to get out alive. OP already said that she has a less powerful car and that's part of what motivates her fear, as she can't do the same manoeuvres in hers.

I hate terrible backseat drivers and they're invariably (in my experience) people that aren't that confident while driving or don't understand that a higher performance car means you can do things that a Vauxhall Corsa can't. I wouldn't change my driving style, I'd just stop inviting you into my car.

You may be right but if the other person is upset to the point of sickness I’d make allowances and slow down when they’re in the car. Even if you think they’re being overly cautious it’s the right thing to do

I’m no stranger to quick cars. (Some maseratis are 4 door saloons so great with kids). And sometimes accelerate or brake harder than in slower cars. I try and be safe, don’t speed, don’t tailgate, am not aggressive and will only drive to the conditions and visibility. I think I’m safe. If anyone with me disagrees I slow down.

Fiance? I'd think twice about that.

Men who drive like twats... are twats, generally.

He’s pathetic