homeless people on doorstep

[LeggyLoo]

Recently a group of ?homeless people have been meeting on our doorstep and spending about an hour late at night (loudly) talking to each other, seemingly catching up? and swapping/taking drugs. This isn't every night, but has been becoming more frequent over the last month.

We've had 2 break ins in the last 3 months. I don't think it is this group of people responsible- just for context of feeling uneasy about strangers congregating outside our front door and bedroom window.

I am completely sympathetic for the situation they are in, particularly in winter and during a pandemic. I also understand that living in a city there will always be homeless people- in no way am I 'looking down on them' or blaming them for their situation (If you find this relevant, we also make a yearly donation to a local homeless charity- I know AIBU can be brutal...).
There are various parks close by (including one on our road) with benches where they could meet, but I'm not sure why they have chosen our house?? For this reason I don't want to tell them to go away as it seems mean in the circumstances.

But I also have a 1.5 year old DS who has been woken by them and scared by loud strangers' voices and hasn't wanted to be away from me even after they've left as he is scared.

Any idea what I can do?! Can I contact anyone? Should I approach them myself to ask them to move on? Let them get on with it and accept my doorstep has become some sort of meeting place?

The number is 0300 500 0914 if you'd rather talk to someone.

[quote LeggyLoo]@WorraLiberty yes, of course it matters what his take on it is.

I know you've spent many many thousands hours of your life on mumsnet and have been here many years, but it doesn't give you the right to be so rude and judgemental. You don't know everything.[/quote]
I don't need to know everything.

You've told us your child is scared by a bunch of people hanging around on your doorstep and waking him up. So scared that even after they've left he doesn't want to be away from you.

What your DH thinks should be neither here nor there.

It's quite simple - get them moved on.

Oh gosh I would be horrified. It's very quiet here I'd move!!

This has got to be the very best advice on this thread. Just move house, op - amazed you didn't think of such a simple solution yourself

@Lepetitpiggy thank you that is really helpful! I will contact today

@user1471565182 I'm 100% sure they don't want to cause trouble, agree when you have nowhere to go I can imagine those boundaries can become skewed. I hope your life is much improved now!

@Bluesheep8 the most simple solution, clearly

If you're going to try be edgy BiggestBoy at least make an effort

PRoBerlY ImiGRunts eh

They're taking drugs on your doorstep and scaring your child. You've said you aren't intimidated by them, so ask them to move on. 'Excuse me, you can't meet here. This is my house and my baby can't sleep. Please could you move on.'

@Lepetitpiggy not with their accents! propah landan

House across the road from us had similar when we lived in Edinburgh. People sitting on their wee wall that was about three feet away from the front of their house.

Turned out the newsagent round the corner was selling butane pretty indiscriminately, and the wall was just convenient.

Someone reported the shop to the police and then it changed owners pretty quickly. New owners ran the shop a lot better and do the people just kind of dissipated.

We live in a large town, this is going to sound bad, but it isn't and it's very much the truth. We have professional homeless people who have a shared house, place themselves in specific areas with the largest footfall. They often take drugs behind our garden gate, and have pushed needles through the gate into the garden. They all have asbos, or similar. Yet it seems the polices hands are tied. I physically hate these people, they are threatening, drug taking parasites. We spent a weekend in the summer filling up a jam jar of needles, many of which had no safety cap on. These people have no regard for others at all. They've even used very young children to exploit money out of passerby's.

I volunteer with the homeless. We’ve had homeless out on our doorstep

Go out. Speak to them. Ask them if they’d like some food. I used to leave food pqrcels outside for them. So if they were asleep they’d wake to some good. Maybe ask if they’d like W cup of tea

Chat to them. Sit with them. Then say. I’m glad I can help. But I have a child and if you could not make so much noise

Homeless is a gorwing problem. Many are entrenched within addictions

The more nicer you can be (as life in general).

That’s what I would do. But pah. I’m a dying breed

I strongly doubt they are street homeless, more likely to be in temporary housing with rules on what time they can return and/or no guests, most have drug and alcohol policies too. Oddly it is these marginalised people who have prevented break ins and even "arrested" a couple of guys who broke windows at church and called the police. It's worth talking to them and saying they are being too loud as they are most likely to be reasonable and respond better to you being polite. Yes strictly speaking they are doing wrong but they are humans who often have been failed by society, politeness is free

Ps it isn't bizarre they sit on a private doorstep, they do it regularly here (no front gardens)

I promise you. They encounter people shouting at them. People urinate. Vomit on them. They beat them Up they kick them. Split on them. Some have even had people shit on them. The stories I’ve heard is not what I expect from one human to another.

If they truly are homeless. Truly truly homeless. Then they react so well to someone actually being kind to them. I often sit down and spend hours chatting to them. We’re a stark comparison. I’m usually well dressed. Clean. Washed. They aren’t. They smell. But I don’t care. Some are high. Some don’t want company. Some don’t want food. But not yet have I ever ever encountered one be rude to me. Not once. I’ve been volunteering with them for 10 years. I’ve worked in hostels. I’ve worked in shelters. I’ve worked the streets. I still do. Not once. Yet the actual disturbing way some humans behave to others. I understand why these people have a thick skin.

I’ve met through my work some of the kindest. Warm hearted people who’ve just lost their way. Of course I’ve met some hardened women and men. Who it takes months to break down the wall that they’ve built to protect themselves. It took me a good year to get through the wall this lady who had been trafficked had built. She’d been abused most ways that were humanly possible and it took me all of my courage to not burst into sobs when she finally told me her story. It’s haunted me ever since

The moral of the story is most people react wel to kindness. Homeless people. Because they do very rarely are shown it.

If you were near me. I’d come and sit and chat to them.

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Once of the issues is that a lot of nightshelters and sit up services aren't open at they usually would be because of social distancing and Covid regulations. The most transient and often those who use class A substances don't want to be in a hostel or B&B with a 10pm curfew, no alcohol allowed etc, DH has had cases walk out of that kind of provision recently because these are not people who find it comfortable to live with a routine/regime of sorts and addiction is powerful. These are people with complex needs, often dual diagnosis of substance addiction and mental health issues. They won't sit on a main Street as they'd get spotted by local police or homeless outreach. DH & I both work in the criminal justice sector and don't find these groups of people intimidating, (DH often knows them and had intervened in various incidents in our greatest big town) but I can fully understand why lots of people would. They can be noisy, unpredictable and when that's on your doorstep and they know where you live you might not want to go in all guns blazing. IME OP underneath the chaotic lifestyle, most are perfectly reasonable people, a quick 'sorry baby keeps being woken up by the chatter do you mind taking it elsewhere?' will likely get you a 'sorry love' and a move on, which is the outcome you want.

This!

@Happyheartlovelife

Glad to hear I'm not the only one, ok it is work not my home but I let them in to use the toilets in the morning and fill up their flasks with tea in winter, sometimes we make soup for them, I have got to know them and their backstories, it breaks my heart that we treat people this way, what most need is long term residential rehab followed by sheltered living before those who have mental health issues not compatible with living in mainstream society, it's simply so rare, they can't cope with making good decisions when living in an environment with so many temptations

@movingonup20

Me and my mother became homeless. Only for a. Week. When I was a teenager. If it hadn’t been for some people. We’d of starved. Fortunatly because I was a child we were prioritised. That’s what’s made me continue to do what I do. It’s my passion. Pure passion. I’ve just got in touch with someone who is going to help me distribute sleeping tents.

I’ve worked with the most drugged up big men who could rip me in two. I’m a very tiny lady who worked on my own on occasion. I’d have a radio. As per the rules. But I never used it. Unless I encounter someone who had overdosed. But I’ve never felt scared.

As someone suggested. They just don’t have the social pathways needed to make social decisions. As someone stated they like to work with the police who also work with them. The answer isn’t to spike then or throw boards at them. Or beat them up. 80% of homeless congregate in groups. They look out for each other. Most are just people who’ve fallen on hard times. I met a guy in town whom I offered to get lunch with him. Did he want to accompany me. He cried. He hadn’t had a person talk to him. Engage in conversation with him. I work with a very well known homeless guy who advocate for shelters etc. He said to me we did a survey and all they want is to be treated the same as others. So we changed our tack and started asking that. We’ve had conversations with the most amazing people. It’s sad because when they go into an establishment. They get judged. But go in with us and it’s fine. They get a bad rep. But they really are just us. But without a roof over their head. We vilify them. Yet the famous saying goes. We’re just one pay check away from being in the same position. So many of us live hand to mouth. So many of us don’t have savings to be able to be jobless and keep living in the house. We’re in high renting and high mortgages that if we lost our jobs. That we could so easily be in the same position. Add in addictions and boom

The homeless don’t work well with restrictions. Being out on the streets means no rules. So when they are placed into accommodation it doesn’t sit well with them. There are also some homeless who are voluntarily homeless. They don’t want to have a job. Don’t want to have a house. Be a nomad as such. Not all are drug fuelled addicts who lose everything to their addictions. It’s a fine line

But like most. They react well to someone being polite. Kind. Just say. I’m sorry but could you move on please.

Sadly we don’t have the space. The money. The resources as of right now. You can’t get a job without W fixed abode. Can’t get benefits without W fixed abode. These guys are inebtween a rock and a hard place.

@Meepmeeep

I’m just amazed nobody has told you to invite them in, make cups of tea, use your facilities and maybe even let them stay the night.

Me too! Even checked to make sure I was definitely still reading MN

I would hate that OP and would feel intimidated even though I'm sure they are nice people. Would send my anxiety off.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Op kick off your fucking shoes and take out the guitar for a singalong.

The was sarcasm obvs

Do not let them in your house for the love of christ. I work with these people now having basically been one and your boundaries have to be rock solid. No giving out your private number and never, ever let them in your house.

People are doing drugs on your siorstep
, whilst your 1.5yo is inside the house and have been for a while now??? How is it possible you havent take any precausions yet? Call the police/ get security cam/ etc.