To want to stop giving a gift every Christmas

[Bungalowlady]

About 15 years ago my DD made friends with another girl at school. They are still in touch but both have different lives and friends too. As they then spent a lot of time together friend's mum started buying my DD and us a Christmas gift. We did the same. Now of course DD and friend are adults and make their own arrangements. But friend's mum still buys us a gift and I feel obliged to do the same. It is usually a gift of chocolates or candles etc so not expensive on either side. The thing is I don't socialise with other mum and never have. Probably come across her maybe once a year, usually in the supermarket 😊
Do you think it harsh to suggest as from next year we stop buying and exchanging gifts?
For context she has a very big family and friend network so wouldn't miss the gift.
Quite prepared to be called scrooge here 😂

Just stop. The 1st year is a bit awkward, as she might still buy you, but you have to draw the line somewhere. If she continues to buy for you next year, that's her choice.

send a card early with a 'gift' of an Oxfam goat or similar charity donation. she will probably reciprocate with the same.

voila, now you've downgraded from gifts to cards.

I'd probably just pick up a cheap box of chocolates for the ease of it but if you don't want to do that and you never even see her, just stop

*@Justmuddlingalong
Why just stop? That may make the other mum feel she has done something wrong. That's just unkind.

OP, I would just do as you have said and sugggest not exchanging them in future. I have just made this suggestion to a couple of friends and one was most grateful.

@Calmandmeasured1 because that's my opinion. Ok?

I'd drop her a text (assuming you have her number) and simply say, This year has been so difficult with Covid, etc that it makes sense not to be attempting to buy and exchange gifts as usual. Hope you are all well and have a Merry Christmas. Best wishes .

Why don't you send a card, and write something like "this year we have decided not to buy physical gifts for our wider friends and family and have instead made a donation to XXX charity. We are kindly asking our friends and family to not buy us gifts in return, though of course a small donation to said charity would be welcome if you feel you'd like to"

But you'll have to make a small donation to the charity!

Where do you see each other to exchange gifts- or do you post?

I think covid is a great excuse to stop.

It’s always hard knowing what to do for the best. We had old friends that just didn’t buy for us one year even though we’d bought theirs and that gave us the green light to stop, it was a relief tbh as it had become a bit of a chore and we weren’t that close anymore.

Another One was a family member, she was spending the same amount on me and Dh as we were on her and her Dh. Getting harder to find a present on both sides that would be appreciated so ended up Being vouchers that we were finding difficult to spend!

We decided last year to Stop and if wanted use the money to buy our own presents. Seemed pointless giving £60 Vouchers to them only for them to give the same amount Worth of Vouchers back.

So in your shoes I would either just stop or send a message to say you’re simplifying Christmas this year due to Covid.

Thanks for the replies they are very helpful. I am sending her card early saying I am donating to Cats Protection instead of buying presents. She has cats ( as do I ) so feel this is something she will appreciate.I donate to them anyway so will just add a little extra also to the local food bank.

Spied
One of my relatives works with one of hers so the exchange is fine that way :)

• done not fine :)

Update
Looks like other mum and I were thinking the same thing. I gave the gifts and cards to my relative to pass on to their relative at work. Haven't heard a thing from other mum not even a card. ( know she's OK thankfully) So I guess that's job done 👍😊

I’d send her a card now, early in the year, wishing her well but saying that you’re trying to scale back Xmas a bit so let’s not buy each other gifts. I usually add let’s spend the money on a coffee or something when we next see each other.

If it’s never actually said it can dribble on for years - she might feel bad next year and send something but you won’t because of this year.