Found out on Facebook first

[Chickenfingers]

I started a new business, nothing big, just art stuff on Etsy, I'd intended on rolling out after new year, I had a change of mind and working until early mornings to see if I cash in on Christmas (worth a try!) And rushed it out this morning.
My dad is annoyed I didn't tell him first. I'm in my 30s, we speak maybe every 2 weeks and not seen eachother for months as I'm in tier 3.

Aibu to think i shouldn't have to tell him first? I've been stressed enough with a baby and also doing this, on top of going through redundancy, the last thing I expected was to be told he was upset I didnt tell him first like I'm a child.

He wanted formal notification that your selling stuff on Etsy? That is crazy.

Some people never seem to realise that their children grow up and become adults. I know. My parents were the same.

It's his problem, you've done nothing wrong. Good luck with your business!

Is he normally this wierd?

I'm going to buck the trend here.... I'd think it odd if one of my children hadn't told me they were launching a business. And I'm not 'weird'. Even just a quick text to say 'just about to launch my site on Etsy'.... takes 5 seconds.

It really depends how close you are. Starting a business is a big thing, if I had a close relationship with my kid and they didn't tell me about a big life event I would be hurt. If you aren't that close then it's entirely different.

Yep I think anyone giving you guilt about what you put on social media before you tell them needs to look hard at themselves. It will come out naturally in conversation as and when if you are close.

There are some really big things (marriage, new baby etc) that merit a call to a few people but beyond that it's ridiculous.

I'm guessing you haven't actually quit your job and you're going to be working on your Etsy outlet on the side. Not a big deal, not worth a specific phone call or text. It's something I would mention to my parents when I called them for a catch up generally, maybe it would be even more exciting news of actual orders taken and a little report of how the first week of launch went. My parents have plenty of their own business to take care of, whatever I do is just nice news and their not knowing my every move doesn't mean we're not a loving family.

Bloody hell, it’s not like she didn’t tell him she was pregnant or engaged. It’s selling some craft items on Etsy.

If the OP had given up a medical or legal career after her parents put her through uni or sold a house they bought for her to throw everything into this, then yes, he wouldn’t have been unreasonable to expect to hear this directly. A bit of a sideline selling artwork online? To me, that’s more of a ‘By the way, did I tell you...?’ on their next phone call.

It’s odd.
Although I haven’t even told my dad I’m pregnant so maybe I’m not the best to comment 😂

Bit of an overreaction.

I sell on Etsy, have ramped it up during Covid (bored) and might actually pay tax on it next year. Still consider it a hobby and haven't really announced it.

I also get the rushing out thing. I made advent calendar filling refill kits for one person; since I had the photos I put it on the shop and spent the next 8 days putting 22 of them together and getting behind on many other things. Still plenty of days to sell stuff. Good luck

Is your Dad usually this controlling OP? Perhaps you should be doing more without telling him! If you want to you could brush it off (to keep peace) with "it's only a little sideline" then go your own way and develop it as you want (and good luck with it), or feel at liberty to tell him it's not his business. It's a weird thing to feel he must be told first!

Quite understandable not to tell him, but for him - this is something he can see is really important to you, his daughter, yet you didn't bother to tell him. Quite an effective way of telling him he no longer has any place in your life. And that's why he's upset.

An effective way of telling him he no longer had any place in your life

Now that is quite an over reach. Do you tell your dad everytime you sell something on eBay or make a gift for your friend?
No one is required to tell their parents every aspect of their life, it doesn’t mean there is no place for them in it anymore. Jesus.

I find it strange people would get upset over this tbh. You've decided to try your luck selling homemade things, not move half way across the world. I'm sure you would have mentioned it once you got an idea of how it's going. Some people dont like the added pressure, especially if they are nervous.

I think I might be the weird one though as I never mentioned when I started driving lessons, in case I crashed the car first lesson and could keep it my little secret.

If he’s not your business partner/financially invested it’s difficult to see why he would be annoyed!

I would find it weird too.
Basically because I would see that as a big thing to do (just like having a new job) and one that takes time to put into place.
So I would wonder why you hadn’t talked about it before.

I find it weird you didn't tell him. You can't be very close.

Unless of course wWhat u mean is that you have a small hobby that you sold as a business on FB, which is what most posters seem to assume.

In that case, it’s easy. Just remind your dad it’s a hobby nothing more and don’t call it a business.

FWIW I’m sad to see that many people seem to think Etsy = not a real business btw...

It's quite literally, none of his business.

Maybe I'm not "getting" it, selling on Etsy is good, but it's not like you've just launched your first shop on the high street or something. It's presumably a hobby moving into a business? Good on you, and I hope it all goes well. I think he is overreacting.

I think your Dad would just like to have been told. It is nice to keep your nearest and dearest in the loop. I once found out my in laws were moving house by buying a local newspaper that had house listings with a picture of their house in it. Felt a bit discombobulating. Would have liked to have been in the loop.

You are not being unreasonable. I wouldn't dream of treating my adult offspring like that. If they start a new job or a business, my response is just to be supportive. Good for them!

I don't think YABU but I think it would have been nice of you told him.
I assume he still wants to be part of your life and share the things going on in it. I don't think its unreasonable for him to feel bad that you didn't share this information with him.
Also what are you planning to sell, is it family heirlooms?

Thanks for the replies, wasn't sure if I was being stubborn.

We are quite close, although things have been rocky recently, he was mad at me not going to visit his house during tier 3 restrictions and I was restricting him seeing his granddaughter, also he was annoyed I painted some rooms myself.

My only explanation is I think 'lockdown' is getting to him.

Also the Etsy thing, is more a hobby tuning into business, it's just to try make a bit more money to make up for childcare costs, Its honestly nothing fancy.

Also thanks to all the good lucks, I'm so stressed right now, I need it! Haha

@TonMoulin

I would find it weird too. Basically because I would see that as a big thing to do (just like having a new job) and one that takes time to put into place. So I would wonder why you hadn’t talked about it before.

I wasn't planning on making it public until after Christmas, I've basically released a basic version of it for now to create a social media presence, I only decided a few days ago. We probably only speak once a fortnight and only just a few short messages. I'd have probably seen him by now had we not been in lockdown so would have brought up as a 'oh btw, I'm thinking of doing this'

I've been so stressed out so didn't want to tell anyone personally because of the pressure.