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AIBU?

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Bloody Elf turns up in a balloon now

437 replies

DressingGownofDoom · 01/12/2020 12:59

I know IABU and a curmudgeon but why does everything have to be such an exhibition at Christmas? Elves can't just appear this year they have to float from Lapland in a balloon with a present Confused I know, I know if you don't like it don't do it. That's fine but I do feel sorry for the kids whose parents don't have £15 to spend on an elf balloon and then a present on top just because it's the first of December. I thought this year might make us all step back and maybe consider a simpler celebration of Christmas but no, the social media onslaught of who can be the most ostentatious Christmas fanatic is worse than ever. I hate it.

Bloody Elf turns up in a balloon now
OP posts:
NeverRTFT · 02/12/2020 07:30

Cringe! We fully embrace the Elf and all sorts of December festivities. I love to string out the season of sparkles and fun from Halloween through fireworks night/Diwali/Hannukah and on into New Year. It's all good.

But the Elf in the balloon is horrid. Official. My Elf told me the other Elves all laugh at them.

DressingGownofDoom · 02/12/2020 07:46

@Waxonwaxoff0

I'm sick of being told I shouldn't do things for DS that he enjoys so as not to upset other children to be honest. Do we extend that to everything in life?
No only for 'magical shit for all the girls and boys' except it's not for all the girls and boys is it but who cares as long as your kids are ok.
OP posts:
PrincessNutNut · 02/12/2020 07:52

No only for 'magical shit for all the girls and boys' except it's not for all the girls and boys is it but who cares as long as your kids are ok.

So I take it you never buy your kids anything that not all children can have? Do you criticise people for foreign holidays, big houses and expensive tech because not all kids can have them?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/12/2020 08:01

@DressingGownofDoom by that logic no one should buy their kids Christmas presents either because some kids don't get them.

PurBal · 02/12/2020 08:02

I have very mixed feelings about the elf in general but the balloons seem overkill. I used to work with disadvantaged kids. One of them had such low self worth and it was made worse by the fact her parents didn't get an elf. She thought she was too naughty for the elf to come. So I'm torn as to whether we would do it when the time comes, on the one hand I love the magic but on the other I hate them. They ruined that little girl, and yes you can get cheap ones but that doesn't mean the parents would engage.

summerstorms · 02/12/2020 08:07

so I've learned from this thread having your TV attached to the wall is a marker of being lower class. And here I thought it was a marker of not wanting it to land on the toddler

jessstan1 · 02/12/2020 08:10

You do realise Santa is made up too right?
So if he features in your Christmas celebrations at all, you're part of the "made up nonsense".

Yes I realise that. Santa never featured except as a story based on what is known of St Nicholas. I never pretended 'he' was real.

TheKeatingFive · 02/12/2020 08:14

No only for 'magical shit for all the girls and boys' except it's not for all the girls and boys is it but who cares as long as your kids are ok.

But not Santa, the Toothfairy, etc.

Just. The. Elf.

Do you go round saying this to all the parents who do Santa?

TheKeatingFive · 02/12/2020 08:17

They ruined that little girl, and yes you can get cheap ones but that doesn't mean the parents would engage.

This is a problem with parenting, not soft toys.

I’d be willing to bet that child didn’t get much in the way of quality toys for stimulation, books to read, nutritious food cooked for her. Yet no one ever suggested others do without those things, because that would be ... crazy.

Woewoewoejoy · 02/12/2020 08:17

Never done it. My friend regressed doing it last year. This year she made as letter saying that as the elf isn't in their bubble he can't come this year due to covid restrictions. Bloody genius!

Whattheactual20201 · 02/12/2020 08:18

Wow the issue with the country is not the elf clearly but our very judgemental class system 😐

TheKeatingFive · 02/12/2020 08:21

Santa never featured except as a story based on what is known of St Nicholas. I never pretended 'he' was real.

Super. You do you as they say. Others have a very different take on it.

PrincessNutNut · 02/12/2020 08:33

@PurBal

I have very mixed feelings about the elf in general but the balloons seem overkill. I used to work with disadvantaged kids. One of them had such low self worth and it was made worse by the fact her parents didn't get an elf. She thought she was too naughty for the elf to come. So I'm torn as to whether we would do it when the time comes, on the one hand I love the magic but on the other I hate them. They ruined that little girl, and yes you can get cheap ones but that doesn't mean the parents would engage.
That's a terrible story, but the once a year soft toy is clearly not the problem. Come on.

What about kids from other religions and ethnicities who don't do Christmas at all? Are you going to stop doing anything Christmassy because they don't get it? I know they might have other festivals, but if they're not getting gifts from Santa, you're somehow going to have to explain why he doesn't visit Jewish or Muslim children. Are you going to stop doing Christmas because of that?

Besides, of all the big injustices and difficult concepts we are going to have to confront with our kids as they grow, including all the expensive middle class trappings that are apparently fine...this is the one people are choosing to worry about? A bloody elf? Don't most kids suss it by a pretty early age anyway?

There's something so nasty about all this, and it isn't those parents who enjoy moving a soft toy around the house in December. Classism is horrible anyway (and actually completely misses the point of etiquette, which was supposed to be to make people feel at ease with each other and respected) but something about dressing it up as moral superiority, as if one is doing it because one actually cares MORE about disadvantaged kids, is pretty horrible.

WoolieLiberal · 02/12/2020 08:39

There’s a lot of Judgeyness going on here.

It used to be the case that everyone accepted that other people live differently.

Now everyone who doesn’t do things the way we do it are lesser beings.

I do wonder whether social media is a factor.

Mine had the elf but it was just a bit of fun, not a Santa Spy Camera.

Small children love a bit of magic. It makes their lives fun and enhances their creativity.

There didn’t come a point in my DD’s lives where I had to sit them down and have a serious conversation about “X not being real”.

They grew up and worked out for themselves that Father Christmas, tooth fairy etc is just a bit of fun.

It wasn’t traumatic for them and they love playing along with younger relatives.

My experience with two DD’s is that if a child feels secure and loved (whatever the living arrangements) they grow naturally.

The only trauma I think I inflicted on mine was to ban black current juice as a miracle cure for bed wetting (it worked).

I guess they’ll let me know when they’re adults whether I did anything else that scarred them for life (I suspect dancing at parties might be a factor...)

Point is, let kids be kids. They’re not that age for long.

And as for the renting thing... I don’t think renting/buying is any longer an indicator of income, class or social status. I know people from relatively humble backgrounds who have bought because Granny left them a small inheritance that was enough for a deposit and others with well paid or academic jobs from posher backgrounds who are still renting because of factors such as not getting on with wealthy parents, high post-grad debt or costly commutes and are still saving for a deposit. Age is also a thing. If you had a modest income but no deposit between about 1998-2008 you were fine with a 100% mortgage, remember.

Peace and love to all at this time of year.

And remember, folks who are still getting riled about the Muslim family in the Tesco ads celebrating Christmas, Jesus was a prophet of Islam too and the nativity features in the Koran!

TheKeatingFive · 02/12/2020 08:41

but something about dressing it up as moral superiority, as if one is doing it because one actually cares MORE about disadvantaged kids, is pretty horrible.

To be totally honest I can’t get past the sheer stupidity of this argument.

So because everyone doesn’t get it, no one does - we don’t apply this to any other nice things we do for our kids. And thankfully so because where does that get us? Everyone pulled down to the level of the most deprived? Ffs.

Yet we’ve decided to apply this absolutely bizarre moral posturing to a freaking elf?

It’s beyond weird.

User5666 · 02/12/2020 08:44

Yes I’ve noticed that to though the lady selling them here is selling them for 12 pounds people seem to be buying them though!

Didyousaynutella · 02/12/2020 08:47

Ours just moved about. The kids seem very excited by this. The don’t seem to expect anything else

PrincessNutNut · 02/12/2020 08:52

@TheKeatingFive

but something about dressing it up as moral superiority, as if one is doing it because one actually cares MORE about disadvantaged kids, is pretty horrible.

To be totally honest I can’t get past the sheer stupidity of this argument.

So because everyone doesn’t get it, no one does - we don’t apply this to any other nice things we do for our kids. And thankfully so because where does that get us? Everyone pulled down to the level of the most deprived? Ffs.

Yet we’ve decided to apply this absolutely bizarre moral posturing to a freaking elf?

It’s beyond weird.

They now seem to be trying to get round it by saying "oh, it's only for the things that are supposed to be MAGICAL for ALL THE BOYS AND GIRLS"...well, if you're telling your kids that it's magic and happens for all children, when you know fine well it doesn't and that they'll figure that out as soon as they talk to their friends, that's on you! Tell your kids something else! Tell them there's a lot of magic around at this time of year and it happens in different ways in different houses...oil burning longer for the Chanukah story, Rama rescuing Sita for Diwali. Sometimes there's an elf, sometimes there's something else. Find a way to make it inclusive rather than berating parents for doing something fun, harmless and really not expensive at all unless you want it to be.
Cocomarine · 02/12/2020 08:52

@PurBal

I have very mixed feelings about the elf in general but the balloons seem overkill. I used to work with disadvantaged kids. One of them had such low self worth and it was made worse by the fact her parents didn't get an elf. She thought she was too naughty for the elf to come. So I'm torn as to whether we would do it when the time comes, on the one hand I love the magic but on the other I hate them. They ruined that little girl, and yes you can get cheap ones but that doesn't mean the parents would engage.
@PurBal I find it hard to believe that you worked with disadvantaged children, yet would have no understanding at all that the single factor of not having parents “doing” an elf, would not in itself be the cause of low self esteem. I hope your role reflected your lack of understanding.
TheKeatingFive · 02/12/2020 08:55

Tell them there's a lot of magic around at this time of year and it happens in different ways in different houses...oil burning longer for the Chanukah story, Rama rescuing Sita for Diwali. Sometimes there's an elf, sometimes there's something else. Find a way to make it inclusive

Exactly. It’s not difficult.

Tingalingtortoise · 02/12/2020 09:26

It’s nice to know I’m one of the great unwashed because I take 5 minutes out of my evening to move a cuddly elf around the house Grin

Janegrey333 · 02/12/2020 10:48

@LobsterRavioli

I agree, it's so cringe.

From my social media it tends to be people renting/lower salaries ironically that have done this.

Utterly bizarre.

Do you mean cringeworthy?
Janegrey333 · 02/12/2020 10:49

I think you must mean that. Cringe is a verb and you are trying to use a noun.

Cocomarine · 02/12/2020 11:16

@Janegrey333

I think you must mean that. Cringe is a verb and you are trying to use a noun.
To be fair, she’s successfully using it as a noun 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I suppose it’s no surprise that a thread full of snobbish comments would attract a linguasnob too. If you can cope with that portmanteau neologism? Let me know if you want me to explain it to you, as you struggled with cringe as noun.

I don’t use cringe as a noun. I cringe in fact when my child does. But I fail to see the point of your pulling this poster up on it, in this context.

rc22 · 02/12/2020 11:24

@TheKeatingFive

Tell them there's a lot of magic around at this time of year and it happens in different ways in different houses...oil burning longer for the Chanukah story, Rama rescuing Sita for Diwali. Sometimes there's an elf, sometimes there's something else. Find a way to make it inclusive

Exactly. It’s not difficult.

If children attend a school where everybody celebrates Christmas and everybody expects Father Christmas to visit, they see the Elf on the Shelf as an extension to the Father Christmas thing that some children are getting and they are not.

In the past, I have quietly told upset children that the elf on the shelf doesn't visit them because Father Christmas knows how amazingly well-behaved they are so hasn't had to send an elf to their house to keep an eye on them. Really cheers them up and it has never yet got back to those who have visits from the elf!