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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with teen sneaking around with phone?

33 replies

alwaysupdating · 01/12/2020 08:06

So dd is 13 and I have a rule that the phone must be left in the living room around 8pm (this hardly ever happens and is often 9 / 10)

Last night she had her phone until 10. 30 then put it in the living room and went to bed. Well so I thought!

This morning I went to wake her up and found her tangled in her charger and earphones and realised she put an old phone of mine in her phone case to trick me.

I'm disappointed but not sure how to deal with it. I saw a phone jail in asda a few days ago I'm really thinking of getting it.

I know alot of other people allow their teens to self manage phones etc, but my dd won't and will stay up all night with her phone and ipad if she gets away with it.

She has school work to do and I don't want her being over tired! I also feel she is disrespectful by purposely tricking me.

So this is a what would you do?

OP posts:
alwaysupdating · 01/12/2020 12:32

@Nottherealslimshady

*Your daughter isn't going to stop sleeping entirely if she doesn't hand her phone over every night. And she's not going to sleep at school either so she will sleep at night.

I would discuss how dangerous it is to wear earphones at night. That's the most important thing.

I think the phone jail is a ridiculous and demeaning thing to do to a girl that in three years can live alone and have her own child.

Let her be tired a few days and learn to manage her own phone use.

Yeah the sneakiness is wrong but if you make silly rules then expect them to be broken.*

What do you think are silly rules? the fact that I have to limit screen time as I know dd will not do it herself?

OP posts:
Kakiweewee · 01/12/2020 12:32

I downloaded an app and basically switch my 12yo phone off at certain times, that way there is no way they can sneak it later than their allotted time. I think it's called FamilyLink

alwaysupdating · 01/12/2020 12:33

@CircleofWillis - I asked dd qwhat she was doing she said watching videos and stuff. I went through her messages and found out she waited up until I went to bed at 12 and called a boy that she likes and messages all the time

OP posts:
BlooperReel · 01/12/2020 12:34

If it were my DD she'd lose the phone, for at least 3 days. 2nd offence it'd be a week, third strike and you no longer have a phone.

alwaysupdating · 01/12/2020 12:41

@bluebluezoo - i do not use an iphone now and dd does, I did put the screen time on before but she couldn't access anything so I let her take it off

@Jerble - glad to hear it worked for your dd. My dd has lost her phone for months at a time before and it has not solved the issue. She has now downloaded snap chat knowing she isnt allowed it.

@SebastianTheCrab - thank you for the recommendation, I will watch it tonight with dd as she will not be using her phone or ipad.

OP posts:
alwaysupdating · 01/12/2020 12:41

@Kakiweewee - thank you for the info, is it a free app? I will check it out

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 01/12/2020 12:42

You'll have to compromise a bit more. 8pm is very early to leave her phone down, yes it might be later some evenings but this is because she is breaking the rules. If you're too rigid and don't listen to her she may push back a lot more the older she gets.
You have to go through her messages to find out about her life she maybe feels she can't talk to you. You're concerned about cyber bullying but how would you know about it (and the many other things that happen even with no phone) if she doesn't tell you things.
Yes you should limit screen time etc but talk to her about what she wants and find middle ground.

Kakiweewee · 01/12/2020 12:44

It was free.

I have youngest on a schedule, so it automatically comes on and goes off. But I can also switch off access from afar, see where they are via GPS and they need permission to download things.

It shows you how long they spend on certain apps and you can outright ban certain apps groom being accessed on their phone.

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