Can someone offer advice? I’m struggling

[MagicCurses]

My 17 month old daughter has in general been a fab sleeper. Occasionally will wake through the night usually just needs a little hug or dummy which I don’t mind. Sometimes she wakes early and that’s fine too. My problem the past three nights she has had a stuffy nose (I’ve done everything I can for this as well as teething. We have canines coming in). She doesn’t seem sick during the day but when it comes to night or nap time I’m having a terrible time. I know she’s sick but it seems awfully like it could be behavioural as she asks for the bottle & then won’t drink it - she has been drinking less and less the past few days and eating is hit and miss. She has enough always to get by. Her routine is usually this;

6am wake has 4oz back to sleep
7-7:30am wake
9:30 breakfast
11:30-12ish 4oz and nap for around an hour and a half
Lunch when wake up rarely eats much with or without a bottle before nap
3ish afternoon snack and 4oz (I dropped this bottle but she woke hungry)
6:30 bath and bed 4oz

She usually sleeps around 6:50-7:30 but the past three days it’s taking over an hour to get her to sleep. She’s asking for dummy bottle everything then refusing it. I know it’s teeth but she’s never been this bad before and I’m really struggling as I also have a 2 month old and a partner that works lates 4 nights a week and goes to one on one training sessions twice a week so 6 nights he isn’t here to help with bedtime.

Today I gave up the fight and she didn’t have a nap. Tonight she took over an hour again to get to sleep past two days has had an hour half nap and same with bedtime. It’s been a battle. What can I do?

Am I being unreasonable to be struggling to cope?
She can self settle and after she kicks off she gets drowsy after I’m in and out and I’ve tried cc 3,5,7,9,12 mins etc and it doesn’t get any better she just decides she will be settled now and I put her down drowsy but awake (I don’t usually have to do this but she’s screaming as soon as I put her down).

Am I unreasonable to think it’s behavioural? I don’t know what to do I’m exhausted and I’m having to go in to one baby and to the other back and forth for over an hour. Please advice?

No advice other but solidarity instead.

I've heard there's a sleep regression at 18mo and there's anecdotal evidence in my social circle/other nursery mums that lots of the babies are struggling - DS has a bad week the other week but this week ok again.

My DC is a few months older but we went through similar and it is hell when you usually have a good sleeper. It doesn’t help you now, it this stage will pass. It might be that she is learning new skills and her brain is in overdrive so she can’t settle. For us it as about 10 days or so of protests before things got back on track again.

Someone told me don’t make long term habits for short term problems, but that’s easier said than done. I think it is important to be consistent so they know what to expect from you too, it can confuse them if you suddenly start taking them to your bed for example, if that’s not something you’ve done before.

Thanks for your replies. Yeah I tend not to rock her but on occasion she has needed it for teething but she’s never been consistently this bad this long usually it’s a day or two with the nap or bed not usually both.

Sounds like it's the stuffy nose and teething to me. They hate being stuffy and they can't blow their little noses. The dummy makes it worse as they really notice that they can't breath as usual. My son is 2 now and can now blow his nose. That's a game changer.

It will pass. I promise. Give calpol for the teething and comfort her at night. I found sitting my son up for half an hour if he woke up to let the snot run out helped along with viks vapo rub. If you can get her to go to sleep without the dummy that might also help.

You have a lot to deal with with 2 under 2 not surprised you are finding it hard. Sending ❤️

It’s the initial getting to sleep that’s the problem. Once she’s down she usually has 12 solid hours it’s just the battle before she sleeps that’s the problem

2u2 is hard, but from what I gather, she sleeps for 12 hours straight, and your gripe is that it takes her an hour to go to bed for the last 3 nights, when she's been feeling a bit poorly if I'm right?

Honestly, most parents I know of toddlers that age, would kill for that. I mean, my slightly older toddler had me up at midnight for half an hour, 3.30am for 90m and 5.20 am for half an hour, so maybe I'm biased, but a (currently short term) longer bedtime, is frustrating yes, but it's also normal.

My first used to have a pretty short bedtime routine (although didn't sleep through until 3...) until about the same age as your daughter, them it went a bit tits up. An hour was a great time to get her down, often it was 2, or 3. And then her waking during the night...

I think your struggle comes from it not being your norm, and juggling the two children rather than your daughter doing anything particularly unusual. If she's teething and in pain, give calpol (my insomniac toddler is also cutting canines, they are really painful for her), but there is an aspect of behaviour kicking in. Of course she doesn't want to miss out and go to bed, and she'll fight it. It's the toddler way. No self respecting toddler enjoys going to bed whilst the world is having fun. There's just too much playing and exploring to be done.

Ps, am I right in thinking your partner does excercise two of e a week, so misses bed in those days? Work can't be excused but that can be out in hold for a while. Can you imagine sauntering off to leave him to do bedtime with both, twice a week? He should be pulling his weight when he can and a training sessions can wait. That way he can do bedtime for 3 nights (and depending on how baby is doing, possibly have new baby in a sling at the same time, unless it's new baby bed time too.

Thanks for your reply @Thespottytortoise yes that is my issue right now. I’m not claiming she’s perfect by any means and I am grateful that she sleeps through mostly. We do have the occasional night where she wakes several times but doesn’t usually take long to get her to sleep. It’s hard yeah, me and my partner have argued about the twice a week training sessions. He wants to go because it’s something he enjoys and reiterates I can go and do whatever I want at any time (apart from the training times). It’s not worth the argument to be honest because I’m happy he has a hobby he likes. I just was curious if it is in fact behavioural as she will ask for bottle then say no then ask for dummy and say no then will scream and scream when I put her in bed but usually doesn’t then she eventually reaches a stage where she will go down drowsy but awake and she usually sleeps. Before this she will stand scream and throw dummy then cry for it.

Fundamentally, you have a partner problem, not a toddler problem, as he chooses to leave you to bed time virtually every other night. Does he at least do the 7th night? Let you have lie ins? Get up with them sometimes in the night? Because from his attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if he's leaving you to do all the work, which is very disrespectful. I can see why it's not a fight that you have the energy to fight, but his behaviour is very wrong, and you deserve better. Two small children is much more tolerable when both parents work together on it.

Toddlers are like little dictators that have no logic. They'll ask for square sandwiches then scream because they aren't triangles. Ask for food and then act as if that same food is trying to poison them. It's a very frustrating stage. It's hard to know though where the boundary is between behaviour and things like teeth, because they can be very linked.

@Thespottytortoise yes he is very good with them and me all the time. He gets up more than me in the nights if either need it and I stay in bed in the mornings. They rarely wake at night if I’m honest - I’m currently trying to get her down for a nap now. She’s had her bottle and is saying bottle but won’t take any more. She’s resisting me soothing her and keeps saying get down which is what she has also started to do. She’s crying currently on and off in her cot after having nurofen half hour before I put her down. She’s having long pauses in between crying and I don’t think she’s thrown her dummy out of the cot yet but I also don’t think she has it either. She’s too lazy to look for it and sometimes can’t find it under her blanket anyway. She doesn’t want the dummy in her mouth at the minute but hasn’t progressed to screaming just yet. I know she’s tired because of her behaviour and she wanted initially to go to bed. I understand her teeth are hurting and she’s probably not feeling great but I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise her sleep in future so I’m
Offering reassurance as I usually would but I won’t rock her to sleep or any of the other. I doubt she would let me even at the minute. I’m doing 3,5,7,9 mins and keeping it at 9 because I think that’s long enough. She’s also not crying the whole time there are gaps which sometimes does happen on a normal day but she is usually okay with having her dummy and keeps it in. She’s okay with laying on me or the couch just seems to be bed that’s the problem.