I don’t know what to do I need help!

[Leigh13697]

I really don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or completely over reacting. I have been with my husband for 5 years (married for 2) and we have 4 children between us I have a 15 year old daughter and 2 sons 11 & 8 and he has a son 10 (5 months younger than my son. Well to be honest we have had trouble with my stepson the whole time there is way to much to put in this one post but some of the main issues is he has hurt my children on several occasions and all he says is well I wanted to hurt them and when ask why he just says I just wanted too so as you can imagine I’ve been wearying watching closely whenever he is here, he has broken their belongings before and he just says the same thing he wanted to he’s scratched my face out of a photo, he’s told he’s mom a lie about my that could have caused a lot of trouble for me and to be honest he’s gone to school and told several lies about he’s mom aswell and because of this I’ve not ever alone with him so he can’t lie about me again. I forgot to mention that my daughter is severely autistic and not very verbal the reason I brought this up is because we are now faced with an impossible situation and I could lose my husband over this but I spoke to his mother the other day and she told me that my stepson was caught in he’s sisters bedroom (she’s just under 2) naked and playing with his privates he is fully aware how wrong this is however, he continues to carry on and is getting it out In front of others aswell well I’m deeply concerned and quite frankly terrified because a couple of months ago I woke for the toilet and found him about to go on the landing completely naked and couldn’t give me a straight answer as to what he was doing so I’m now thinking the worse because of my daughter he’s also pulled my youngest sons pants and shorts down repeatedly until we heard and told him that’s completely wrong and mustn’t do it again he also has stole a lot of money of his stepdads card and several occasions and there is so much more I’ve told my husband that I’m not comfortable with him coming here anymore and I honestly don’t know if I’m being over the top of if I have a good reason to be acting like this I’m just so scared I was abused as a child and over my dead body will my babies ever, ever go through that I’m just so stressed and confused and any advice would be amazing and so sorry for the long post xxx

Your children should not be living under the same roof as, or having any unsupervised time whatsoever with, your step son due to his behaviour.

Your step son needs serious support and his parents clearly aren't stepping up so you must report it to SS and / or school safeguarding lead.

Your husband is a poor excuse for a father who hasn't shown appropriate levels of care for his own troubled son or your children's safety.

Your husband is a poor excuse for a husband for the above reason.

I couldn't be with someone who was such a shit dad they weren't wanting to get all the help they could for their son before he hurts someone or himself.

You and your husband need to live apart. You can’t inflict this disruption on your children which you seem to know not need to now act on. He can’t be in your home, he poses a severe risk to your children and to you. Handwringing is one thing and I feel for you very much but you have to act, now.

Coco, what I mean is he’s phone is never hear he only has it at his moms house and he has a tablet here and It’s on a kids safe mode that shows on my husbands phone how long he’s on it what he’s been on downloaded or played he’s not even allowed you tube on the one he has here. But yes I agree he’s not doing enough at all but every says to me that I’m to over protective and over the top but the way I look at it being over protective and over the top keeps my kids safe at the end of the day

All I am reading is what you are doing to protect the kids. Sounds like your husband needs to step up here.

Its a safe guarding issue sounds like he is being abused somewhere down the line that's why he is acting up ......
.your husband sounds like a wimp......
As much good as fish out sea

Contact social services yourself. Tell them his Mum has told you about him playing with himself in his 2 year old sisters room, tell them about him puling down your children's pants, and tell them about the internet porn. I know it sounds harsh, but if it was me, I wouldn't have him in the house. He sounds disturbed, and he needs help.

The question that needs to be asked is why he's acting this way. Is he a victim of abuse? Has he had regular access to online porn and why? Someone should be getting this boy to speak to professionals. What's happened to him to have him act this way?
He's a child, so should be treated as such. He sounds quite disturbed for whatever reason, be it the emotional upheaval with his parents splitting or something else.
To treat him like a monster could have enormous repercussions in future.
It must be a very difficult and frightening time for you.

Please don’t say anything else to me about him because reading all this has seriously made me think and I am currently writing everything down and I know this is it our relationship Is over because your all right and I’ve been so so stupid why hasn’t been doing things I’m so angry at myself for not seeing this sooner it’s only took reading this for something to snap in my stupid head I mean I knew that they was taking the piss getting help but why is it only me doing all this worrying and stressing that’s wrong so please don’t have a go at me I have woke up and I’m going to do what I have to do and he also has till the end of tomorrow to call ss himself or I am simple

I'm so glad you're acting on this now. I wouldn't have the boy near my children and wouldn't have any respect for your husband, either.

@Leigh13697 you are doing the right thing. Calling social services is absolutely the right thing to do. Tell them everything as calmly and factually as possible. Your step son needs professional help.

Ignoring these kind of situations puts a lot of people at risk, including your step son- so don’t let anyone talk you out of taking the appropriate action.

Facing the problem and asking for help can only be a good thing, for you, your children and your step son.

It’s also incredibly important that this is all documented properly by social services. They need to be fully aware of the history and time frames in order to provide the right support.

Yes, it’s important not to over react. But it’s also very important not to under react.

Think carefully about all the incidents you can recall, write it all down, factually, objectively. Make sure you give them as much information as possible. Include everything you’ve said here, and mention the harm towards your dog.

I’m sorry your having to go through this

Good on you - you are doing the best thing for ALL your kids by contacting the authorities about this - it's very hard but you are doing great. Hugs.