To think husband no longer loves me?

[Ellaandlouisqueenandking]

So my Mum died in April from covid. Dad died nearly 6 years ago. Husband hasn't given much in way of support other than wash the dishes daily and co parent. According to him this is enough and I should be grateful. I am an only child. Husband and I were struggling because every argument ends in him saying I'm too much or I'm horrible and storming off before I've had a chance to speak. So I booked marriage counselling which he wasn't keen on. One session later he told me to cancel it. He stated in that one session that I'm 'too much' and 'jealous' of him because he 'still has a grandma, both his parents and 2 brothers'. I've tried to contact the wives of the 2 brothers and have given up as they often don't reply to my attempts at communicating because they're so busy they forget to reply. Anyway today I left work early to see him and our daughter. I thought I'd make a veggie shepherds pie and veg as a treat and cooked and my slipped disc flares up. My back went into spasm. My daughter called him to help me. He never came. I called him. Eventually he comes down. Complaining the kitchen is a mess. Complaining there's all this washing up to do. Then I found out a colander he'd washed and pointed out it needed a clean... he says 'you wash it yourself then'....I had to get the pie out and my back is killing me. The plates. Serve it. I serve him and my daughter and walk off. He didn't even care that I was crying. Hasn't even come up to say come and have dinner. I'm sorry. He's sniped at me the whole evening. Yesterday he told me he hates Xmas and wtf was I putting up decorations and the tree. I'm tired of him constantly yelling at me. Belittling me. I need to go down to make packed lunch for our daughter and I feel too scared cos hes in a horrid mood. I'm pathetic. I'm in too much pain too.

What makes you think you're a useless mummy?

I'm tearful and very tired a lot of the time. I never take her to school because I'm a teacher at a different school.

OP you need a fresh start away from him. You will be much happier and your self-confidence and self-worth will improve when you get away from the stress and constant put downs. Get good legal advice and use your mums money to get away. From what you've said it sounds like that would be a good use for it.

Hi Op

You don't need this dead weight of your Arse hole of a husband any longer ..

You are much better off without him,
You have managed to be a home maker, bring up your daughter,with not much support around for you.

You have a man child of a husband you have been looking after,

Really have a man child like your husband is like having another child to take care.

Life is far too short to waste any time with this loser of a man.

Rember even in regard of work you have transferable skills that you can bring to the world of work, or go back to college, courses online, a home keeper and as a mother .

There are charities out there that can help you too.
Also you can make new better friends out there.

Also please take care of yourself too, such as ensure you eat healthy ,treat yourself to holistic therapies, such as hot stone massage etc.

Visit ,have a spar day session session(if its lockdown still where you are..
Create a pamper spa day at home

Listen to good music and good films TV shows that make you laugh on YouTube etc.

@Ellaandlouisqueenandking

I wish I could just leave. I've nowhere else to go, I'd also have to leave our daughter behind.

Have you thought about calling Refuge? What you are experiencing is abusive behaviour. Refuge can advise you about lots of things and may be able to help, you don't have to leave your daughter behind. They have a free helpline: Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. They help with ALL forms of domestic abuse not just violence. Please look at their website and call them www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/. Please look after yourself xxx

I am trying to call them but can't get through. Just went down to get some water. He acts all normal and asks me 'everything alright?' It's so confusing.

That's gaslighting op, he'll pretend he was never horrible to you and it's all in your head. It's all designed to trick you into believing your nothing, your so lucky to have him, you're the one with the problem. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if they really know him they'll be wondering why you are still with him. People honestly see through the cracks. Where abouts are you? Maybe we can help with recommendations of who to call? Please make a plan to get out and try to detach from him if you can. He counts on the fact you love him. His words mean nothing, he means nothing, you're going to get away. If you feel he's a physical danger then go to the police asap.

Speak to Women Aid. They will be tremendous help and support to you. They will counsel you about his behaviour and offer directions to your legal rights. And your little girl sounds lovely but does not need to see her Mum treated in this way. His behaviour probably exascerbates your health problems making you feel worse by having mountains to climb to keep getting through the day. You will slowly start to help yourself out of this situation and get stronger bit by bit.

Doesnt love you? He doesn't even like you. I would help a stranger in the street who had hurt their back. If you can only rely on your spouse to parent their own child and do the dishes and that's the only support they can give you when you lose a parent then there isnt much point in being married.

Thanks everyone. I went for a drive and feel too scared to go back. As I was leaving he says, cool as a cucumber, 'sorry for being horrible'. I still can't get through to Refuge either

The thing that hurts the most is today I was already feeling crap, it's my first Guru Nanak Dev Ji's birthday without Mum. We'd all go to the temple with her. I miss her so much. He seems to relish kicking me when I'm down. I baked some cakes to distract me the day before Mum's funeral and he yelled at me so much about why was I baking and my weight etc etc.

Can you go stay with a friend or family member? You really can't be with him, if the refuge can't help you, stay somewhere else until you can get a call through. He's vile.

I’m sorry your husband is so horrible. This inheritance is your chance to escape, he’s proved that you need to, and this is the right time for you and your daughter to leave and build a lovely life together. It will be hard at first but so much better than being with him and scared to go home. You can do this, and your mum would be so proud.

I hope that you can get the support you need to get out of this situation op. I've been there too tbh. I was the one struggling, trying to do everything when he didn't help at all. Wouldn't even drive me to hospital, I had to walk for a few hours. Told me to snap out of my illness, and that I was a shit mum. It's no way to live. Solicitors, women's aid, refuge. Do what you have to do to get away from this abuse.

I’m sorry you’ve lost both your parents, I have as well and understand how overwhelming being alone in the world can seen.
I left my husband shortly after my mother died, his behaviour at that time, when I was heart-broken, I could not forgive or forget. I knew it was not a mutually respectful relationship, knew it wasn’t good for me or the children. You can always start again, honest. It may seem scary and impossible but actually there are ways, you need to be sensible, discuss everything with solicitor and start processes up. Even if it takes a while of planning/saving you can do it.
Leaving my exH was the best thing I ever did, I think you and I both know how short life is - you deserve more.

Look in your heart op .
And then makr decisions with your head
Claim back your life and happiness.