To be sick to death of FaceTiming relatives

[Helpwithfacetime]

Have name changed for this. I’m at my absolute wits end with FaceTiming relatives for them to see my children. I have parents not together abd a childless aunt who want to FaceTime three of four times a week each. No amount of time is ever enough for them, they are constantly asking to do it, my children are sick of it and have to be forced into doing it and they always ask to see me. It’s such a massive intrusion into your day if you’re at school and working and I’m trying so hard to be generous because they have nothing to do but the weeks are horribly stressful at the moment and the weekends are taken up with trying to fit in Facetimes. I feel awful but it’s starting to really get to me as every time we can sit down as a family and do something nice someone if ringing to try and arrange a FaceTime and then it’s hanging over us.

I know exactly what you mean. I really didn’t like FaceTime to begin with, I’d much rather just ring someone on the phone. I find FaceTime intrusive and the children quickly lose interest.

I also find that we are busier than ever with school and work and family life etc but the grandparents are retired and have all the time in the world and don’t get that we don’t have loads of time free to be in constant contact.

Just say no it's not convenient. Repeat as often as needed.

I know what you mean, I hate face time even before the pandemic. It’s so much more intrusive than a phone call and kids just can’t keep interest up for any sustained period.
4 times a week is massively excessive, can you not suggest it be once a week which is a lot more reasonable?

I’d refuse to do it. Set some boundaries. Turn your phone off when you don’t want to be face timed. If you forget, don’t answer the call.

You all need some time to yourself to relax too. I also have demanding parents constantly wanting videos and photos and I keep reminding them that I spend my time running after two hyperactive under 5’s, with a baby who grabs at any screen she sees and try to eat it.

If the children don't want to then don't do it. How old are the kids?

Four times a week is ridiculous, I’m not surprised you’re stressed. My kids have a very short fuse for FaceTime and only want to say a quick hello / have a two minute chat, and that’s on a good day!

I would try (I know it’s easier said than done though) to gradually drop it down until you’re doing one call a week max. Try and drop down by one call per person per week and just ignore any other requests - don’t answer the FaceTime call, then send a quick text message afterwards apologising that now is not a good time but would x day work?

You could also soften the blow a bit by sending emails and / or regular pics of the kids, maybe some photos of drawings or craft they’ve done or perhaps a short video (depending on their ages of course). I send mine long chatty emails with news / funny things kids have said or done etc which helps keep in touch without the stress of FaceTime. My elderly relatives also quite like this because they can go back and look at photos and emailed notes over again whereas once a FaceTime is finished that’s it.

I have felt guilty at keeping FaceTime to a minimum sometimes but you have to take care of yourself too.

3/4 times a week for each of them-that’s bonkers! Once a week is too much! I’d just stop overnight!!

When you say your relatives have nothing to do, is that because their lives are usually pretty empty, or because their usual activities have stopped due to Covid, or because they are unable to go out or do anything? I think what you should do should depend on your answer.
I am trapped Skyping my parents every single day for 30 mindms to an hour. We used to phone 3 or 4 times a week, pre-pandemic. BUT they don't ask me to do it and recognise I am working. But my parents are in their 80s, mum has dementia, and my dad is her carer and is himself shielding. My mum gets more out of seeing me than on the phone, and I know what a difference it makes to have that call as something to look forward to and a part of their daily routine as they can't see any of their many friends or do any of the activities they used to do.
If your relatives are not in that position and whatever you do is not enough, then pull back.
At the end of one call, say 'So we look forward to seeing you again on Sunday at 3pm - we'll have lots to tell you then!' Breezy and positive.
If they ask to talk on Friday, say 'No, sorry, this must be a bad connection, I said SUNDAY'
If they ask what you are doing in between that means you can't facetime them that means you can't facetime them then, try 'Just all the usual things with children - it's relentless' or 'We hardly seem to be off facetime with one person or another - Till Sunday then! Love you!' Or (laugh disbelievingly) 'This sounds like an interrogation! If I tell you now what we are doing, we won't have anything to talk about on Sunday will we? See you then - 3pm. Love you!'
Establish the new normal of twice or once a week, possibly one child on each occasion.
And try to get over the guilt... You cannot fill their lives.

Say no then.

Remove any and all video calling apps from all tech. Tell them that your phone/PC/tablet/whatever has something wrong with it and can't do video calls.

Or
put some black tape over the camera and feign ignorance before declaring, "must go, have to investigate the issue".

Or
Learn to say no.

can you face time while the kids are playing and just let your relatives watch them play?

or video the kids playing and send that through.

Agree 3 times a week would be dull dull dull for a child

@Scarby9

When you say your relatives have nothing to do, is that because their lives are usually pretty empty, or because their usual activities have stopped due to Covid, or because they are unable to go out or do anything? I think what you should do should depend on your answer. I am trapped Skyping my parents every single day for 30 mindms to an hour. We used to phone 3 or 4 times a week, pre-pandemic. BUT they don't ask me to do it and recognise I am working. But my parents are in their 80s, mum has dementia, and my dad is her carer and is himself shielding. My mum gets more out of seeing me than on the phone, and I know what a difference it makes to have that call as something to look forward to and a part of their daily routine as they can't see any of their many friends or do any of the activities they used to do. If your relatives are not in that position and whatever you do is not enough, then pull back. At the end of one call, say 'So we look forward to seeing you again on Sunday at 3pm - we'll have lots to tell you then!' Breezy and positive. If they ask to talk on Friday, say 'No, sorry, this must be a bad connection, I said SUNDAY' If they ask what you are doing in between that means you can't facetime them that means you can't facetime them then, try 'Just all the usual things with children - it's relentless' or 'We hardly seem to be off facetime with one person or another - Till Sunday then! Love you!' Or (laugh disbelievingly) 'This sounds like an interrogation! If I tell you now what we are doing, we won't have anything to talk about on Sunday will we? See you then - 3pm. Love you!' Establish the new normal of twice or once a week, possibly one child on each occasion. And try to get over the guilt... You cannot fill their lives.

THANK YOU ALL BUT THIS IN OARTICULAR.

4 times a week??!!!!!

YABU for not setting some more sensible ‘boundaries’ on this!