AIBU to want to say something

[Howlongcanthisgoon]

My MIL forgets my children’s birthdays every year, without fail. Every year she is prompted by a Facebook post either by us of the child opening gifts or a similar post from someone else, to message me. Every year she tells me to tell the child in question she hasn’t forgotten and she’ll get them a late present when she sees them (which is not often as we live in different countries).
How hard is it to post a card or send an e card or just a text message?
I don’t say anything to the children. They are very little and quite frankly wouldn’t understand why someone would give a late present whilst saying they haven’t forgotten. It makes no difference to their day. They don’t have the expectation of gifts and don’t count them to see if any are missing.
But....I can’t stand the messages and I want to say something to her.

I would completely ignore any message relating to the fact she has missed a birthday etc. If anything is to be said, that is your DH's job.

Is she bothered about forgetting though?

If yes, text her a good couple of weeks in advance

If no, just leave it or ask your DH to say something to her.

I can't quite tell from your message whether it's the not getting gifts you're upset about; or the fact that she messages to say she will.
If it's the former, Yabu, some people don't do birthdays, I personally think that's fine (mil doesn't and it's never crossed my mind to be bothered until mn)
If it's the latter, then yes, that's weird.

My family don't do birthdays. The children get a gift from their parents and that's it. Your DH could text her 2 weeks before and say, just a reminder that it is child's name birthday in the 17th in case you want to send a card.

I would ignore the message completely.

I'd let your DH handle the facilitation of his family's relationship with the kids, less stress for you.

Buy her a calender for Christmas prefilled with everyone's birthdays (family wide including hers) if she forgets again its personal

Is it perhaps a cultural thing where they don't do Birthdays?

It’s the forgetting a text would do.

We are all English

Some people are just like this.

I literally say to my mil are you remembering it's BIL birthday next week? No she will say. She gave birth to him!

We just laugh, she's hopeless at dates.

What do you want to say exactly?

@Mrgrinch

What do you want to say exactly?

I want to say please stop pretending that you are interested in your grandchildren. Please stop guilt tripping us on Facebook that we moved away when you can’t even remember their birthdays. Please stop posting about how much you love them and care about them and then failing to follow it up with actions. I want to say oh just fuck off will you.

Turn your FB page private/unfollow her so she can’t see the messages from others and videos of the Dc and see how long it takes her to get in touch.

I want to say please stop pretending that you are interested in your grandchildren. Please stop guilt tripping us on Facebook that we moved away when you can’t even remember their birthdays. Please stop posting about how much you love them and care about them and then failing to follow it up with actions. I want to say oh just fuck off will you.

If that's the case them why even have her on there? God can she not be interested in her own grandchildren, even if she can't remember birthdays?

What exactly do you mean by failing to show her love with actions? It sounds as though you measure her love in gifts. TBH this whole thread comes across as you being a bit mean.

You should just let this go. Birthdays are not that important. I'm sure your kids get lots of stuff from other people and feel loved on the day, and that's all that matters. Ignore her messages and forget about it.

I don't think that not sending birthday cards or presents is a sign of a lack of love.

You what now?!? Re your post last night.

Not being interested in birthdays or forgetting dates does not mean you don't care about someone, it means, you're not interested in birthdays or are forgetful.