To keep him off school?

[Zhomby20]

My youngest DS is 11 and in year 7. He moved to a school where he knew nobody as we moved area just before covid hit.

He was a lovely bright happy little boy until almost 3 years ago when his dad came out of prison and caused us absolute hell. Things are calmer now, we are divorced and his dad has a new woman he is intending to marry (he’s a narc but that’s a whole different story!)
We have a happy safe home, and no real worries. But DS is mentally unwell. He is getting worse over time, he is sad the majority of the time, has panic attacks, has no friends at school and just texts me all day begging for me to come and get him. I have noticed he has started rocking when he is distressed. He hates school and has not settled in at all. But he is still depressed and anxious at home too, although not as bad.

I have home educated one of my other sons and I am not really wanting to do it again, but at the moment I am genuinely worried DS will be a child suicide statistic if this carries on.

He is due to start high intensity IAPT and has a lower level counsellor in place.

I am stressed to bits with it all, and with work pressures too (hate my job!) I am now off sick for a few weeks to try and get things sorted.

Any advice on child mental health, and whether I should pull him from school at the moment would be appreciated.

I don't have any experience but a bug hand hold for you .
From what you described, yes I would keep him off.
My heart breaks for you both and I hope he gets the help he needs.

Big*

Didn't want to read and run.

I have no personally experience but I think if it was my child and I could, I would home school.

He clearly isn't coping at the moment and his mental well-being is more important than attending school.

I hope things start to improve soon for you both

Yes take him out of school if you can. His mental health is more important than school

Yes I would be keeping him at home. No question.

Whether you go down the route of home education long term or not, it sets like your son is not well enough for school now. I would keep him home and call the gp.

Education - it's really important. But there are various routes and timescales on which it can be achieved.

I think if you do home school, it needs to be time limited and there be a plan for him to return to school after the IAPT.

If my child was rocking in distress at the idea of school, of course I would keep him at home.

Yes I would keep him home

I think I would take him out until more is in place to support him.

My dd really struggled in year 7, it was the hardest year for her, she also went to a school where she didn’t know anyone and she has Aspergers so making friends was really hard, year 8 was much better but she still struggled with the social side of things and bullying throughout high school (she’s now 6 form), I think if she had shown more signs of distress such as rocking I would have removed her even if just temporarily until things were sorted for her.

As others have said “his mental health is more important than his education”.

Hi Zhomby

I have been where you are now and understand your pain

In your place I would be and did take a multi line approach

Dd was referred urgently to CAMHS, ultimately she needed medication which is only available from consultant psychiatrists under 18 so needed to be assessed by them

I did my research to find alternative ways of educating her, applied for an EHCP and got funding to place her in an online school which really helped her cope

The whole thing in my head boiled down to where I saw her at 18, dead or destroyed by the standard education system or alive and thriving via a different route. Once I realised this I found the strength to act for her

You say you’ve already home schooled one dc, often siblings have similar needs for genetic reasons eg adhd/ASD etc and that needs acceptance and support so you can help both children

You sound like a really caring mum who needs some extra support herself, if you look in the special needs section there are lots of people in the chat area who can give support with similar experiences

High school is such a huge step. I'd speak to the school - mine kids school have moved loads online so he could work from home if mentally well enough and keep him home for an week. You know your son the best. Do you think its the school or just he hasnt settled?

Thank you so much for your lovely support.

I haven’t sent him to school and he has been lovely and calm this morning. He has done some of his google classroom and is spending some time chilling doing things he likes.

The son I home educated previously is now 18 and in college and although he had no GCSE’s he is now doing a level 3 course in art and design and plans to go to uni.

There are pros and cons and unless I can get a good freelance gig going from home or work part time doing something more flexible It won’t be an option to keep him out of school for long.

I just desperately want my son to be happy and well.

I would also investigate if you have a medical unit near you, basically children that don't go to mainstream for various medical reasons from anxiety to Autism to school refusal - so basically predominant anxiety/Mental Health reasons.

Much smaller classes, fewer GCSE options etc but at least there is structure and they work on building confidence and not moving from class room to classroom and mixing with various groups etc.

YANBU

I wouldn’t be sending him to school, I hope your son starts to feel better within himself soon

YANBU glad you kept him home and I hope he is feeling better and more able to cope soon.