Feel like I'm an awful person

[needsleepbadly]

I get the feeling that I'm an awful person and don't deserve happiness in life. I'm 22 and around 5 months ago split with my long term boyfriend.

Since the split I've just felt disgusted with myself, I slept with someone I know not long after and felt shit about it. Me and my ex have kind of started speaking again but I'm wracked with guilt over the fact that I slept with someone else even though we weren't together when I did it.

I went to the pub last night (I'm not in lockdown where I live, and I followed all the social distancing measures etc) and after getting quite drunk I was speaking to one of the workers there who I vaguely know and I was talking so much shit I feel so embarrassed today, I dread to think of what I was saying to him. I was probably flirting and he was obviously sober so I don't even want to go there again now to face him.

I just feel like I'm a horrible person and that I'm an embarrassment. I feel like I ruin everything for myself really don't know what I'm looking for by posting this but just feeling a bit crap tonight and wanted to vent about my feelings.

At 22 if we weren’t in this pandemic loads your age would be going out and getting drunk. Tell the guy down the pub you don’t remember what you were saying and feel embarrassed. He’ll have seen it all before and not be bothered. Re the ex boyfriend, you weren’t together when you slept with the other person. So rather than “ I slept with someone else” you mean “ I had a 1 night stand”. Really that’s not uncommon at your age either.

@LouiseTrees thank you, I think it's because I was with my ex since such a young age and he was the only person I had slept with I'm not used to doing this type of thing. I can't help but feel guilty and shit about myself even though I know I shouldn't

I get it. I’ve been with husband since we were 16 so I totally totally get it. You seem like you have your head screwed on. Just scale back on the drinking and all will be good. Don’t avoid talking to people though. Nothing to be ashamed of.

You've got the ohmygods. It will wear off along with the hangover.

The man at the pub will be vaguely amused at most and it won't have been half as bad as you think.

As for having sex, you didn't cheat so why feel guilty? You're an adult, you get to choose what you do with your time. Have confidence (and a pint of water, a coffee, some vitamins and some toast )

You were on a break!

And everyone gets “the fear” after talking shit when they’re drunk. I always think “would I think worse of someone if they spoke shit to me when drunk?”, and the answer is “no”, so it’s fine. I doubt they’ll even remember, or if anything think “ha, that was funny” and then moves on.
People spend way less time thinking about other people than you realise, as they’re all thinking “I wonder what shit I also said”

You need to take this as a life lesson for yourself.
This is not the person you want to be so learn from it, don’t do it again, and forgive yourself.

Hangovers always make me feel like doom.

Give yourself a break!

Right, come on give your head a wobble. You’ve done nothing wrong here. You aren’t with your ex, you can sleep with whoever you like. So you got drunk and talked to someone in a bar, we’ve all done it. He works in a bar, he’s used to drunk people talking rubbish to him!

Why are you talking to your ex? Are you missing him or is it just out of habit? Think of the reasons you broke up, there must have been some good reasons you aren’t together now.

Don’t do what I did (and I’ve been where you are now, long term relationship, broke up at the age of 23), and mistakenly get back with the ex. I did this, biggest mistake ever! It quickly made me realise why we had broken up and then I had to break up with him all over again! It was awful. But we had been together for such a long time it was habit. Comfortable, like putting on an old pair of slippers. Only I didn’t need an old pair of slippers at the age of 23. You need to learn some independent and gain some confidence. Work on yourself rather than relying on someone else.

I met my now DH about 5 years later and realised how wrong my ex was.

Give yourself some time, maybe set some goals for yourself, and if you’re worried about getting drunk then don’t drink as much. You are not betraying your ex by having a ONS, how do you know he isn’t doing the same? You aren’t together, as long as you’re safe you can do what the fuck you like. But start working on your self worth.

Thank you everyone your all so kind and have made me feel better.

Regarding me and my ex speaking again, I broke up with him because I felt like I had outgrown the relationship after being together so young. But being apart has made me realise that I do miss him and how good of a person he really is I honestly can't say a bad word about him.

I still don't know if we will get back together again as I wouldn't want to go through the break up again if it doesn't work out. I just feel as though I owe him some sort of loyalty even though we're not together so I shouldn't feel like that

What you're suffering from is a shameover. Everything has got drink and chatted shit and no one else cares.

You and your ex had split up, so sleeping with someone else is acceptable. You've had a one night stand, not cheated.

Oh to be in my early 20s again. This is what this age is for, making mistakes (safely!!) Give yourself a break: you were single when you slept with the other guy; the bloke in the pub probably thought all of his Christmases had come at once.

Yes and if you were flirting with the pub worker he was probably really pleased! Men love it when they think someone likes the look of them (who wouldn’t like to be chatted up?)

Oh OP don't be so hard on yourself, you've done nothing wrong! So you slept with somebody when you were young free and single - nothing wrong with that. And chatted to a bar person who was probably glad of a bit of friendly banter and probably thought you were lots of fun. The whole societal frowning on anyone enjoying themselves at all at the moment might be making you feel self conscious, which it shouldn't because human beings are meant to be together! You sound like a lovely girl, don't repress your friendly happy personality because you don't need to.