To be feeling overwhelmed with all I have to do

[Westside1]

I’m not sure if it’s the thoughts of Christmas with all that needs to be done or the Pandemic but I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted.

Now tell me straight out if I’m being unreasonable but I’ve come to the conclusion dh does little or nothing to help with house/childcare. I work part time and he has two part time jobs so would have bits to do most days but tends to leave the majority of looking after our child and house up to me. Because of Covid our child hasn’t been at any of her usual activities so that’s hard as I find I can’t get much done when she’s here. He will help when I ask him but not otherwise.

I’m hoping things will return to more like normal in spring but I need advice on how to make things easier now. I’m going to try to get someone to clean once a week from this week.

Am in being unreasonable having such a moan.

If he doesn't notice when things need doing you have to tell him. Family clean up time works for me when everyone is being lazy. Everyone has a job to do. Delegate!

I think this depends on how part time you are and how old the dc is.

If you have a day when the dc is at school then you have time to do family admin and cleaning. Cooking and cleaning up after dinner etc should be shared.

How many hours do you each work?

And how old is the dc?

We both work full time and have a DC, just need to be organised, one of you baths the baby while the other runs the hoover round and sticks dinner on, bung a load of washing in while DC is having breakfast in the morning/while the kitchen over when you go to make a cup of tea etc. If your DH is not pulling his weight, say dinner needs starting, the washing up putting away and the floors hoovered, and DC needs to be bathed, teeth brushed and into his pyjamas which do you want to do? Make it so doing nothing isn't an option and very quickly a routine develops, that 45 minutes in the evening while one does bedtime routine and the other tidies up/gets bits done, keeps you on top of things.

How old is your dc? Do they go to school yet? What hours are you working? On the face of it, one dc and a part time job shouldn't be too unmanageable.

How old are they? To be honest you shouldn’t be struggling with a part time job and one DC.

How old is your DC? How many hours a week do you work. That no might help answer your question.

That info!!

You should have plenty of time only working part time but I suppose it depends how old and demanding your child is doesn't it.

I work 30 weeks, child is 5. It’s the fact that all food shopping meals cleaning and everything related to child falls to me. I don’t feel like it is shared. Look I know reading replies I need to have chat with him. It’s small things like I’d love him to sort dinner one day etc. I suppose Covid isn’t helping as there’s no holiday/meals out etc to give a break. Thanks for all replies

DEf talk to dp and explain that you don,t feel the house work/childcare is equal and that you feel overwhelmed.

30 hrs per week is 75% of FT.

You need to tell him straight that he needs to step up. And then you will probably need to prompt him on specific tasks, not that you should have to.

How many hours does your DH work?
Howabout having a weekly planning meeting where you write down what needs to be done and allocate the tasks between yourselves?

I work 30 weeks, child is 5.

Do you mean you work 30 weeks of the year, or 30 hours a week?

I recommend that you calmly explain how you're feeling and ask him to take ownership of something that he might be good at/enjoy...I did that and my dh took over the (online) shopping and (gradually) most of the cooking. The cooking happened gradually because dinner often wasn't ready when he came home, and he was hungry, so started making it ... so I made sure dinner wasn't ready more often. And also praised his dinners and regularly said what a good cook he was, much better than me. And I try hard not to criticise his shopping mistakes.

Also "please will you empty the dishwasher" works well in our house, as well as "would you mind ironing the boys' school shirts?". Little and often is the best plan. And eventually he may do it without being asked.

Just to add, you can use the same approach with the kids as they grow up. Don't wait till they're 15 then shout at them for not helping ... gradually get them to help with small tasks from now onwards... "Please will you make your bed" .... "oh wow, you've done a really good job of that" and repeat regularly until they do it every day ... then move onto the next small task. It's worth the effort in the long run.

30 hours a week is virtually full time...I also suspect that if you worked 60 hours a week, he'd still expect you to do it all.

Of course he should be pulling his weight.

I announced I was going to clean the bathroom. Emerged at one point and Discovered dh changing the sheets and then when I had finished, he was dusting downstairs . No need to ask or nag or direct operations.