To be so over his mumbling!!

[Isitgiroday]

Anyone else in a relationship with a mumbler?! I swear I'm going to erupt! I have to ask him to repeat himself multiple times a day - he does, at the same volume and the same mumbley-ness! I have no issues hearing any of my friends or colleagues so really don't think it's my hearing. He sometimes gets snippy or refuses to repeat what he's said and I just think it's so fucking rude. And why, if someone can't hear you, would you just say something same way again?! I just don't understand the behaviour at all and think it's really lazy and a bit disrespectful to refuse to repeat something and be made to feel like it's you that has the problem! What can I do?

I believe this is a very bad sign. My sister does this with our elderly mother. Whereas I speak up when I talk to her, my sister actively speaks more softly, and my mother really struggles to hear her. They live together and its a toxic relationship - the mumbling demonstrates my sister's contempt for our mother. How does your partner speak to others, or when you are with company?

How long have you been together op? I think it's quite passive aggressive to repeat something at the same volume and tone when you know someone hasn't heard you.

Oh I’ve had this with a certain family member.

I ended up completely ignoring any mumbles. Didn’t hear it.

‘Didn’t you hear what I said?!’

‘No. Were you mumbling again? I have said that I can’t hear you many times. Oh well.’

Yanbu LTB

Stop asking him to repeat himself.

Take that as his answer. And then use it against him.

‘Do you want a cup of tea’
‘Mumble’
Make yourself one only. If he asks where his is ‘you were mumbling again I couldn’t hear you’

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

All situations.

He’ll stop doing it when it inconveniences him.

YANBU. My ex would be angry if I asked him to repeat himself, and then would refuse to tell me what he has said. I found that to be rude, and it was part of the bigger demise of our relationship. Why not just repeat yourself so you can be heard? It’s no big deal.

Ex-gaslighting-H did this ALL the time towards the end of my marriage. You have my sympathies.

As PP mentioned, in my case it was deliberately passive-aggressive. He enjoyed irritating me.

Also worth mentioning my hearing is perfect.

Pretty sure they want you to raise your voice as consequence so you sound like the unreasonable one. Don't rise to it.

Yes my ex did this constantly. He denies it, but i think its a sign of contempt.

You have my sympathy. I have the greatest difficulty understanding what my DH is saying sometimes, he mumbles and doesn’t talk in full sentences so I’m left trying to guess how the two apparently unrelated part words he has run together and whispered could possibly form a complete concept. I actually thought I was losing my hearing until it dawned on me that I could understand everyone else (including many of my colleagues who speak with strong accents and have English as their second language). It’s simply laziness on his part. He can speak perfectly understandably when he tries, I hear him do it on work calls all the time. He doesn’t expect his colleagues to interpret “blbn” as “is today the day the blue bin goes out?”. I now just tell him I have no idea what he’s talking about until he speaks properly.

Don’t ask him to repeat himself, what’s the point - he clearly doesn’t care if he is heard if he continuously mumbles

YANBU. He is being rude.

Treat him like the child he is behaving like - next time he does it, completely ignore him, don't even acknowledge him until he speaks up and talks properly.

I have two db's who mumble, it's as a result of my dm's parenting. She was not averse to hitting us.
Ironically she now complains that she can't understand my db's on the phone.

Urgh as a mumbler I would leave you if you did some of the above like deliberately misunderstanding. I dont intentionally mumble nor is it a sign of contempt. I dont doubt it's sometimes it is but for me I genuinely try

I can be easily understood 99% of the time but There are certain situations where I mumble more that others, so I try to avoid speaking whilst reading, in the car etc, not facing someone. My partner has a harder job understanding if not facing me so it's really frustrating if i start speaking and she starts doing something else because i know i will get a million "what?"

Being misunderstood is really frustrating

I do genuinely try and speak clearly. But I promise you it's difficult to be consciously trying to change how you speak all the times it's like trying to change your accent.
I find it incredibly frustrating that I have to keep repeating myself at times. Its frustrating that I have to think about it, that I cant just start a chat in the car or that I have to repeat myself

I dont always repeat myself because sometimes the moment is gone. If it's an off the cuff throw away comment, a joke or a "look at that" type thing then it doesnt survive being repeated. Especially if I know the likelihood is I wont be heard again eg partner still isnt looking at me.

Obviously I dont know your dp and maybe they are an idiot however in general being unable to hear them is equal to the annoyance of not being understood.

My brother does this, has done since he was a teenager, hes in his mid 50's now and its still as childish as it was then. But now I don't have to deal we with it because he doesn't speak to me at all, happy days.

Wow as a mumbler this is pretty sad!
I genuinely can't help it, it gets worse when I'm tired - if I'm very tired I'll even stutter as well!
my DH finds it annoying but he just asks me to repeat it, then I realise I was mumbling and repeat whatever I've said more clearly.

I even went and had a hearing test as my dh mumbles all the time. It was perfect.

So if he mumbles now l just say ‘ l have perfect hearing if you want me to hear what you say, turn round and face me and enunciate properly’

Or l just ignore it.

DP mumbles. I also have Tinnitus.

It has taken a while, but pointing out to him that mumbling, whispering, poor body language/turning away and not moving his lips so I can't even lipread, leaving out words and then refusing to say things clearly is effectively weaponising my Tinnitus against me seems to have helped.

I started repeating back exactly what I heard to him. Not in an unpleasant way, but instead of 'I'm working 7 til 7 until Friday and 7 til 4 on Saturday', I'd tell exactly what I got from the exchange, complete with hand gestures and an impression of the sounds in my head - 'I'm..SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...bossSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS [wave of right hand]..fffffrrrr...fr....[turning head away] .SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSa'. I did also point out on one occasion that if I needed to use BSL, he would be the person who switched the lights off, sat on his hands and then complained that I never listened to him.

It's good to hear the non-deliberate ways it can happen. Gives me hope.
Not forgetting it does also happen for not the best of reasons.

We can only know ourselves.