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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to wonder if this inheritance is more hassle than it's worth

27 replies

TickTickClock · 28/11/2020 21:46

An elderly, distant relative living in the USA has asked me to be the executor to his will. I'm his only living blood relative. The other executor will be his wife's daughter from her first marriage (I've met the wife many times but never her daughter who lives hundreds of miles away from her mum and stepdad). The two of us will also be the main beneficiaries to the estate.

There would be a house to sell and contents to dispose of, plus all affairs to be wound up.

As things stand I imagine I would be set to inherit around $100k so a very nice windfall - but not enough to retire on! I'm honoured to be offered it but it also sounds like a huge amount of hassle and expense (in terms of legal costs - I can't see myself managing it without paying an American lawyer! - and time spent over there sorting things out when the time comes).

Torn between accepting gratefully (YABU) - and gently suggesting it might be easier if they find a trusted US friend or lawyer to sort out the will (YANBU) - even if it might mean forfeiting any potential inheritance.

What would you do?

OP posts:
AveEldon · 28/11/2020 21:50

The expenses will come out of the estate

Sheepareawesome · 28/11/2020 21:53

I think it sounds like too much hassle tbh. How on earth could you manage all that from another continent? And financially probably not worth it. If you have a good relationship with your relative maybe ask him if you can talk things through with him as you aren't sure how much help you can give, and see what he thinks.

wirldsgonemad · 28/11/2020 21:53

Are you honestly asking if you should just forfeit £100k because the paperwork and effort will be a pain in the ass? You must be pretty loaded already to ask that.

Original poster
TickTickClock · 28/11/2020 21:59

@wirldsgonemad

Are you honestly asking if you should just forfeit £100k because the paperwork and effort will be a pain in the ass? You must be pretty loaded already to ask that.
It's $100k so £75k in British money. Might be less if they have medical bills or care costs to pay.

Not sure how much an American lawyer would cost - a lot I suspect?! - and what import duties I'd have to pay bringing it legally over to England?

Plus the expense of travel costs and time to clear a house.

OP posts:
ButterMeUpScotty · 28/11/2020 22:00

What she said, seriously don’t be so lazy!

lifestooshort123 · 28/11/2020 22:01

It might be different in the USA but when my mum died all 3 daughters were named as executors. It would have been nigh on impossible for everything to be countersigned by all 3, so 2 of us signed something from the solicitor giving my oldest sister the authority to act for all of us. Might the lady in the USA be persuaded to do the same when the time comes. Are you in touch with her to guage her feelings? As you're his only living relative it obviously means a lot to him. Presumably his wife's finances are separate from his.

Original poster
TickTickClock · 28/11/2020 22:12

@lifestooshort123

It might be different in the USA but when my mum died all 3 daughters were named as executors. It would have been nigh on impossible for everything to be countersigned by all 3, so 2 of us signed something from the solicitor giving my oldest sister the authority to act for all of us. Might the lady in the USA be persuaded to do the same when the time comes. Are you in touch with her to guage her feelings? As you're his only living relative it obviously means a lot to him. Presumably his wife's finances are separate from his.
No I think their finances are together and I think being his executor would also mean being his wife's too (in the UK we would say "mirror wills"). I know the wife fairly well so I suppose the idea being that half their total estate would end up with his family and half go to her side (obviously that could change if my relative dies first and his wife then changes her will in her family's favour). I've never met her daughter so don't know how reliable or trustworthy she is. She and her mum are not close. There is also a son who is estranged from the whole family (including his sister) and expressly written out of the will (they don't want him to get his hands on anything), so that complicates things slightly.
OP posts:
CraftyGin · 28/11/2020 22:16

I don’t think you need to worry about American taxes with that amount; same with British taxes.

Personally, I would decline being an executor out of the country, especially if there is another obvious person.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 28/11/2020 22:19

This is utterly bonkers.

How long would it take you to earn £75k (take-home) from your job? I'm guessing it would take you a lot more hours work than this.

Original poster
TickTickClock · 28/11/2020 23:31

Yes, the money would be fantastic but I think as much as anything I am worried about biting off more than I can cope with or afford.

I know nothing about the American legal system (except that lawyers are expensive!) so I don't know what I'm letting myself in for. What if I end up liable for any debts they might have, or emergency room bills? Yes, it should come out of the estate, but what if there's not enough to pay? Or if the estranged son takes out a legal case against the estate?

In England I'd take it on with more confidence as I know a bit about the system here, but in the US, I know literally nothing. At least we have a common language I suppose, that's one positive.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 28/11/2020 23:34

Can you be an executor if you don’t live on the same country? My brother can’t be as he lives abroad.

lifestooshort123 · 29/11/2020 07:45

Yes, I can see now why you're hesitant as it probably won't be straightforward, will it? I think your gut reaction is right and you should very politely decline.

instanthistoryy · 29/11/2020 07:55

I can see why you would hesitate. I would decline in your position and explain your reasons.

lesleyfish · 29/11/2020 08:06

A quick google seems to indicate that executors have much more personal liability than here in the U.K. If I were you I'd look into it carefully! It seems you can give up your executor status within 9 months of it starting

Splodgetastic · 29/11/2020 08:22

It can be tricky. IIRC there might still be some tax filings to do in the US even if there isn’t much tax to pay and when you sign US tax forms there is a scary penal statement on them. Generally it’s hard to be an executor if you’re not on the ground in any country. I don’t know how the US system views employing an attorney to sort it out either.

notanothertakeaway · 29/11/2020 08:29

If your relative instructs a solicitor in USA to draft the will, I imagine they could advise whether it's feasible for the executor to do the role from a distance

Over here, house clearance firms can be instructed to clear a house for sale. You pay for the service, and I guess they won't put aside items of sentimental value, but it can be done

I think you could do this, if you wanted. As executor, you may have to pay for professionals to do some tasks for you

Charleyhorses · 29/11/2020 08:41

Give your head a wobble.
Agree.
When the time comes, hire Some one to do it. It must be feasible. The very nature of the USA is that large numbers of people emigrate there
There will be specialists. And house cleaners. These costs can be taken out of the whole estate, not just your half.
Agree then forget about it till the time comes. And say thank you.

MsTSwift · 29/11/2020 08:44

Mental. Ask the other executor to appoint local reputable lawyers task then with doing all the work they bill the estate and you get what’s left . Can’t understand your attitude unless you already very wealthy

Igmum · 29/11/2020 08:46

Absolutely. Say thank you and hire specialist when it happens. This clearly means a lot to him and he's leaving a lot of money to you.

Pechanga · 29/11/2020 09:10

What a strange attitude you have.

You won't be liable for any of the deceased's debts. All costs will come out if the estate.

Between you, the other beneficiary and a good lawyer you can get it sorted easily and simply.

You don't actually know your relatives real wealth, there may be more investments etc. than you think.

Besides all that...it's what your relative wants and you should honour those wishes.

popshops · 29/11/2020 09:14

@Cherrysoup

Can you be an executor if you don’t live on the same country? My brother can’t be as he lives abroad.
Yes you can, I am an executor and have POA for somebody overseas.
Coughsyrupsucks · 29/11/2020 09:20

From reading on Reddit. American estate lawyers do all the hard work for you and sort the taxes out of the estate - as always with America certain things can be written off against the estate. I think you should google what they can do for you. It might be you do next to nothing and still get £75k

CunnyLingus · 29/11/2020 09:26

You need to appoint a US CPA or lawyer to assist. Not only is that sensible in making sure there is no dispute, you might also be able to hide behind the FATCA registrations and requirements. There should be no taxes on that level of assets. The $10m exemption reinstated a few years ago will more than cover that.

CakeRequired · 29/11/2020 09:27

You know, there is this wonderful invention that came out a few decades ago called email. It means that you can contact anyone around the world very quickly, for free! Amazing isn't it?

Email an American lawyer and let them deal with it. Or just be an idiot and say no. Hmm

JackAndJillsBucket · 29/11/2020 12:19

Being an executor to a will Vs being a beneficiary are 2 complexly different things.

You can be an executor to a will and not benefit. Or be a beneficiary but not execute it.

You need to be clear if you decline one role or if it's both - maybe he thinks you need to be both? (Incorrectly)

Fwiw. I would never, ever do execution of someone's will in these circumstances. I've done it as a layman on 3 occasions, two where I wasn't a beneficiary.

One was simple because it was a straightforward estate with an engaged, locally based co executor who knew the local legal system (Scotland).

The others were a fucking nightmare over several stressful years involving debts which had to be paid by the estate, missing assets by criminal relatives who thought they could just take what they wanted because "that's what's fair / she would have wanted" (despite there being a legal will in place stipulating what should happen clearly), involving having to engage the police / forensic accountants. The other one was just impractical, involving a sibling co executor but neither of us lived close then there were some inheritance tax issues on top.

So.. I wouldn't touch this ask to become executor on an international estate with someone you've never met with a barge pole!! It was some of the most stressful, thankless unpaid work I've ever stupidly signed up for!!!