Am I obsessed?!

[Axlcat]

My mum is giving me the rage.

My OH and I have agreed for her to come for Christmas. I really want to see her, we live 200 miles apart and I haven’t seen her since Feb.

I have asked her to be extra careful and not take unnecessary risks before she comes (and of course I’ve been saying this to her throughout covid for her own safety!) because I was diagnosed with a serious medical condition in March which puts me at risk of exacerbating it if I get covid.

This includes me asking her to make sure she is wearing a mask when she goes to have her nails done (she doesn’t usually because she’s a friend and she trusts her) and to not visit a family member just before she comes to see me and sit in the house with her for the day (other person in the household works in retail)

I’ve been told I’m obsessed. All I’m doing is following guidelines. I probably am more cautious than some (still wiping my shopping) but I do go out and about to the shop and hairdressers etc (masked of course) so I’m not hiding away! I guess I’m still coming to terms with my condition and am fearful probably more than most of the future.

I’m just at a loss - I really want to see her at Christmas but I feel she is not respecting my wishes and I just don’t know if I can trust her to at least try and be careful before she comes. She will be working in a school up until the 18th so I know there’s going to be some risk, I’m just asking her to minimise it where she can.

Am I obsessed? Am I being unreasonable?!

Trusts her?! Trusting her doesn't stop her having covid.

You sound relaxed compared to most folk OP.

@Wheresmykimchi I get that. And it does make me nervous - clearly there is risk. But she can also try and prevent further risk. But I’m being made to feel unreasonable.

You are not obsessed or unreasonable. However your mum thinks you are, and is just not going to adhere to your requests. You know this really. If you want to see her you will need to accept this, or not see her.

@Purplecatshopaholic I know you are right but why can’t she bloody be careful? It feels so selfish!

The level of risk she chooses is entirely her choice. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't see her. She's entitled to manage her risk and weigh up her decisions as she sees fit, as are you. I don't think you sound 'obsessed' though!

@bluebearss Good point. I guess I just hoped she would want to try and protect me from as much risk as possible but you are right. I just need to make the decision based on the fact she will do what she wants (as is her right)

If she's working in a school then she is at risk anyway. You're slightly obsessive (I've never wiped down my shopping nor have my family) but you are allowed to be. Decide whether, for you, the risk of seeing your mum is too great and, if it is, tell her you've changed your mind and why. You can't control her life but you do have a choice.

@Wheresmykimchi

Trusts her?! Trusting her doesn't stop her having covid.

You sound relaxed compared to most folk OP.

Actually I think the opposite the op is much more concerned than most people. I don’t know anyone who washes their shopping.

Op. You need to make a decision, if you feel she’s too much of a risk then don’t see her until you feel safe.

Just to be clear @bluntness, if I didn’t have a serious medical condition which was newly diagnosed just as we went into lockdown, I probably wouldn’t be wiping my shopping. It does feel insane but given I risk long term disability if I catch covid I figure it’s worth the extra time to keep myself safe.

Op, sorry if it wasn’t clear, I was responding to the poster I quoted. I fully understand why you’re cautious.

@lifetooshort we all do what we feel comfortable with I guess. I know plenty of people with the condition that I have who wipe their shopping. I am still getting used to a life changing diagnosis so probably more cautious than the average person with no health issues. I imagine a year from now when it’s not so new I’ll be more relaxed.

@Bluntness100 sorry had misunderstood.

I'm not seeing mine for this reason. If they don't listen and put themself at risk why should we then be at risk?

Ok well the mask during nails sounds pointless as they protect the non mask wearer. If the woman doing her nails has Covid a mask won’t stop it. I would ask her to minimise risk though and so not seeing the friend the day before is a good idea.

@LiG123 I maybe need to follow your example. It’s painful trying to get her to understand I’m just asking her to follow the bloody guidelines!

@Dollywilde neither she or the beauty therapist usually wear masks - crazy!

@Axlcat I have really put my foot down and decided it's just us this Xmas. Just because rules are eased doesn't mean you have to ease them, the numbers are going to be so high in January because if these 5 days!

@lifetooshort we all do what we feel comfortable with I guess. I know plenty of people with the condition that I have who wipe their shopping. I am still getting used to a life changing diagnosis so probably more cautious than the average person with no health issues. I imagine a year from now when it’s not so new I’ll be more relaxed.

Sorry, I wasn't having a pop and you must do what feels right for you and this also applies to who you see over Christmas. If you feel safer wiping down your shopping then mixing with others who are less concerned doesn't sound a good idea.

I'm torn on this

We are older, WFH, shopping delivered so might be said to bring sensible and minimising the risks of getting infected. Socialising consists of walks with one person at a time. I do realise that without the delivery people, this very cautious approach would not be available to us.

I absolutely understand that people who are teaching, people working in retail etc are exposed to a much higher level of risk every day and thus feel differently about what level of risk they can tolerate for the sake of their social life.

Having said that, our rules currently prohibit social mixing indoors fir visiting friends is out anyway. Apols if you are somewhere else that allows mixing indoors.