Since the start of the pandemic my sister has been personally offended by me and others sticking to government rules and socially distancing. I'm not assuming this, she has admitted she gets personally offended and feels hurt and annoyed about it and has said she would prefer not to see anyone at all than to have to socially distance i.e. go for a walk keeping a distance and not hugging hello/goodbye etc. I have seen her with the same regularity as I usually would during the pandemic as before (once every couple of months - we are a couple of hours drive away from each other), either I go to hers for a walk or she comes to mine - more usually I go to hers because I'm a confident driver and she's not, although she is happy to get the train to mine. Until recently I've been pregnant throughout the whole pandemic and so I've always asked that I can use her toilet if I'm visiting her, but apart from that I avoid her house and we walk which we both enjoy. Her husband was very anxious about the pandemic at the start and its possible me using the toilet was awkward for them but they would always sterilise and bleach everything after I went. I would always insist that she can use our bathroom if she came to visit us but she would always refuse. Every time we meet she always mentions how much she hates socially distancing, how isolated and alienated it makes her feels and that she actually feels worse seeing me socially distanced than not seeing me at all. Once I gave her a big hug goodbye because I could see how upset she was, so I guess I've been inconsistent about following the rules myself and perhaps that is even more annoying to her?
I'm not pregnant any more and our first child was born a few weeks ago. My sister came to visit yesterday and she was the first family member to see our son. On the phone she insisted she didn't want to come inside our flat and we would go for a walk. In theory this sounded nice but on the day my son was stuck on my breast constantly and in a fussy mood and after 10m of trying to prepare to leave the house and failing I just said she should come inside. I was happy to have her inside with all the windows open and the heating switched up to compensate, and realistically my son was not going to be able to leave the house happily. She came in but was really awkward about it and refused to sit down until we insisted (we have a huge living room with 2 huge open windows and seating more than 2 meters apart. Then she mentioned that she was going to spend Christmas with our mum which was news to me - we are in a support bubble with Mum and I had thought we were going to spend Christmas with her. Throughout the pandemic she has been careful not to spend too much time indoors with Mum because she is a secondary school teacher and there are always outbreaks of the virus at her school and Mum has heart failure and has a high fatality likelihood if she contracts the virus. She always asks me what I think/seeks my approval if she is going to go visit Mum, but I'm not sure why she does this as they are 2 adults and I'm obviously never going to say I think its a great idea given her job and Mums health. Throughout the pandemic she has admitted that because she hates socially distancing she doesn't do it with anyone else who doesn't want to, and that her and her colleagues at school basically ignore social distancing and mix with the kids and each other. I'm fine with that, it's her choice, but she genuinely seems annoyed that I have wanted to be more strict (although not totally as I've mentioned), despite the fact I have been in a vulnerable category as a pregnant woman for the whole thing.
The meeting yesterday was brief and awkward, she acted wounded and quickly left, and didnt' seem that interested in our son, although I think that was because she was hurt and upset that she couldn't interact with us and him in the usual way, that the windows were open and we were socially distancing etc.
I feel hurt that she acts like this because its not like its my preference that we socially distance - I would never not want people to cuddly my son, or not want people at Christmas if it wasn't for this pandemic - she is acting as though its my choice to be distant and reduce social contact but I'm unhappy about it too - I don't like feeling distant from people and I can't wait for this to be over but in the mean time I am taking some precautions roughly in line with government guidance, sometimes more stringent than government rules (I didnt ever do eat out to help out etc) and sometimes breaking rules like hugging her that one time because I felt it was important as she seemed really sad. But none of this is my choice, its not what I want.
Anyone else having difficulty in the run up to Christmas with family, and how best to deal with someone who takes the whole pandemic situation personally? Am I a hypocrite for breaking the rules sometimes? It honestly makes me feel like I'm a bad person or like I'm deliberately being cold or distant with her when I'm not, it is just the pandemic situation, although after so long of this being taken personally I do genuinely feel weird around her now and she acts weird with me - worried it is genuinely damaging our relationship, but still don't want to break all the rules all of the time for this one person.