To think this is the problem

[Ohalrightthen]

This came up in conversation with a friend today, and it's something i see all the time on here too...

Difficult teen causing lots of heartache and disruption at home, poor boundaries and tonnes of attitude - someone asks the parent what their childhood was like, what discipline/consequences/quality time they had, etc, because to be perfectly honest it is very very rare that a child with issues like that occurs out of the blue.

And every time, the parent says "I've got XX number of other children and they aren't like this, they were all raised exactly the same way!"

To me, this sounds like it's probably part of the problem. All kids are different, some have different needs to others, and applying a "one size fits all" approach to parenting is bound to have kids falling through the cracks with needs unmet.

My parents had two very different children, who they raised in two according styles, based on what worked for us. If i had been parented the way they parented my sister, i absolutely would have been defiant and angry and intransigent, and vice versa!

Your dc are still young right?

You can have a million discussions about parenting with your friends, but ultimately how you will shape your dc most is as a role model.

You might want to consider whether you hope to raise compassionate adults who can see that other peoples lives may be more complex than first meets the eye or whether you hope your children grow up thinking they have all the answers, know better than other people, and assume worst of people.

Just saying

In my entire life nothing has been as important to me as my children. I have put everything I’ve got into trying to give them a secure home, from which they can grow.

If anything I’ve taken it too seriously, and I know that’s a reaction to my own miserable childhood. Dd18 said to me the other day about Christmas
Why are you such a kid mum? and I said because I wasn’t really allowed to be one.

Most of us are doing our absolute best, and that’s all you can ask of anybody. Of course I’ve made mistakes, of course I’ve passed on the very things that frustrate me about myself, but think god, my conscience is clear, because every single day since they were born they have been my priority.
I’m guessing your children are still young
@Ohalrightthen