Step Father Worries

[FirstTimeMum882020]

Hi all,

I have a dilemma. My mother and I are very close and I get the feeling my SF isn’t happy about how much time we would like to spend together.

I have recently purchased a horse (we are both into horses) and my mum comes up once a week to see me and the horse. She has always dreamed of having her own again however, everytime I suggest she should or at least get a commitment on another, she mentions that my SF wouldn’t be on board or happy about it.

Am I wrong for thinking it’s her life to live how she pleases? My partner supports me no matter what and my mother is due to retire next year so will have all the time in the world to split between that and him.

I just wish she spends her golden years doing what she wants instead of being restricted by him. I understand it’s a partnership but I do feel he should be more supportive.

Despite being close with her I don’t think you can really know what goes on inside their marriage.

If your mother is happy then just keep out of it.

I love cats, would love to get one but my partner hates them so we wont get one.

Maybe they can't afford it but she doesn't want to say.

Am I wrong for thinking it’s her life to live how she pleases?

You're not wrong, so stop trying to push her into what you want her to do!

It is her life but as others said maybe there is other things happening in their situation you don’t know about:

Are there other issues with the SF? Do you worrying about other behaviour that is controlling or abusive. If not I’d leave it be.

I think it depends. You may be picking up on a dodgy dynamic in their relationship which we aren't privvy to. That said a horse is a big financial and time comitment so I do think it's reasonable that both partners should be on board.

Not enough information tbh. You make out that he’s controlling or possibly abusive but is the case or not?

Horses are expensive AF, I think his input would be valid if they genuinely can’t afford one. She might personally feel okay just visiting you and yours.

Is that the case*

I should clarify that my mum can definitely afford it. I appreciate it is a big financial burden however, she has grown up with horses and wanted to get one until she spoke with him.

He didn’t want us living with them, he gets funny when she spends more than one day a week with me. When I go over he’ll come say hello and chat for a little bit but then go back upstairs. My mum is the complete opposite and very sociable. She is always saying how he doesn’t like hosting but it’s her favourite thing to do.

In no way have I insinuated he is abusive.

It depends why he wouldn't be on board, if its because they couldn't afford it yabu, if its because he wants to dictate how she pens her time yanbu. Either way, not much you can do.b

Ok didn't read the update.

From the update it does sound like there's something strange there. Can you broach it with your mum?