Who's the opposite to you with how they've lived in a good/bad way.
I'm getting extremely close to a man in his mid forties. We chatted for four hours last night and he told me story after story about his life. I was sharing my life with him too. But he has had a much badder life than me and it kinda makes me feel like surely I'm not the right women for him.
He's got the kindest heart and is such a gentleman. Had massive respect for women and very respectful about exes. Very caring. Romantic. Talks about the future with me. He is very serious about me. I have children and he's taken all that Into account.
But he's done years of fighting when he was younger. He's got scars to prove it. He was a bad boy in his younger years. He told me how his dad shipped him off to another country for five years to calm him down. Then he had children and a wife. That lasted ten years.
He struggled massively with the loss of his mum and last year it all came to a blow. He ended up in hospital after trying to kill himself. He was drinking and a mess. He was in trouble with the police when he was younger too. But for 20 years he's stayed out of trouble
he's recovered and not drank anything in ,8 months. I will add this is due to chronic pain and now the hospital have got it under contorl. he Got the help he needed and he's back working full time. He's doing really well. He said I've come into his life at the right time. To be honest he has mine too. I feel really close to him.
But our lives couldn't be any different. I've never even smoked a joint. I've never been a rebel. I know that's absolutely acceptable. But I feel abit like why would he want someone so calm and sensible in his life?
I can't shake off the feeling that I'm too boring for him. But when I say it he tells me to behave and that I'm the first women in years he's felt close too.
I hope this doesn't read pathetic and stuff. It's hard to write it all down.
But would you be involved with someone who's dabbled in the badder stuff in the past?
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138 replies
Chasingpavementss · 27/11/2020 08:29
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
113 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
80%
You are NOT being unreasonable
20%
SewingBeeAddict ·
27/11/2020 18:21
@HardlyEver
Now I’m normally one to call out any anti man sentiment on here, but on this occasion I’m with the majority
I’d not see a woman with his past as a viable long term partner.
As with so many 'Let's flip the sexes because Mn is fundamentally misandrist' posts, this simply doesn't work if you reverse the sexes because of gendered ideas about what constitutes a reasonable human being.
Let's all think hard. How many women are considered to be, by the average man dipping a toe into dating, an edgy 'bad girl' catch on the dating market in their 40s, bearing the visible scars of their 'years of fighting' and police trouble when younger, eight months sober after prolonged addiction, and eight months on from a suicide attempt that almost worked, and camping out at a friend's house on a short term let? A woman who dropped their children for a decade with her ex-husband and never saw them, but hey, that's fine because she's there for them' now?
Can we imagine an ordinary man being awed by the sheer rebellious coolness and 'badness' of this scarred, recovering female addict, and coming onto an internet forum full of other men to worry that he's never smoked a joint, has only ever gone out with 'good girls' and is therefore 'too boring' for this woman?
No. Of course we can't imagine this. Because take off the 'bad boy' glamour that the poor, naive OP has so thoroughly bought into, and what you have is a troubled trainwreck of a man, a totally absent parent, a recovering addict with terrible MH and a recent history of suicide attempts.
If this behaviour looks edgy and attractive in a man to you, *@Chasingpavementss*, but would strike you as appalling in a woman, ask yourself what that says.
I’d not see a woman with his past as a viable long term partner.
As with so many 'Let's flip the sexes because Mn is fundamentally misandrist' posts, this simply doesn't work if you reverse the sexes because of gendered ideas about what constitutes a reasonable human being.
Let's all think hard. How many women are considered to be, by the average man dipping a toe into dating, an edgy 'bad girl' catch on the dating market in their 40s, bearing the visible scars of their 'years of fighting' and police trouble when younger, eight months sober after prolonged addiction, and eight months on from a suicide attempt that almost worked, and camping out at a friend's house on a short term let? A woman who dropped their children for a decade with her ex-husband and never saw them, but hey, that's fine because she's there for them' now?
Can we imagine an ordinary man being awed by the sheer rebellious coolness and 'badness' of this scarred, recovering female addict, and coming onto an internet forum full of other men to worry that he's never smoked a joint, has only ever gone out with 'good girls' and is therefore 'too boring' for this woman?
No. Of course we can't imagine this. Because take off the 'bad boy' glamour that the poor, naive OP has so thoroughly bought into, and what you have is a troubled trainwreck of a man, a totally absent parent, a recovering addict with terrible MH and a recent history of suicide attempts.
If this behaviour looks edgy and attractive in a man to you, *@Chasingpavementss*, but would strike you as appalling in a woman, ask yourself what that says.
This is an excellent post.
Just to add there is the added- woman is responsible for fixing/ saving him bonus as well
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