To ask how 'ghosting' is defined?

[Lauroliiee]

Inspired by the thread about ghosting friends, what actually counts as ghosting? Some of the replies on that thread seemed to be more around reducing or not initiating contact?

I've never knowingly ghosted a friend and would be horrified if anyone felt I had, but I've definitely stopped contacting friends who never contacted me...and they haven't got in touch either so we're effectively not in contact anymore. That's not ghosting, right?

I class ghosting as disappearing completely - not replying to messages and calls. Not a gradual fading from contact.

Yes I would too.

Just being cut off abruptly for no apparent reason.

I've known someone for years online through mutual friends and have briefly met them in person once. We were chatting more during lockdown as we are both single and felt lonely. We were planning to meet up for a cuppa and a cake and proper chat once things settled down and cafes were open again.

They just stopped replying to my messages and unfriended me on Facebook. There were no arguments or incidents and the last conversation was just a normal chatty one about work, family etc.

I've seen them online commenting on mutual friends posts and I did send a message asking if they were ok and could we sort things out, but they never replied.

It really hurt and I've still no idea what I did that was so bad that they had to cut me off completely.

Sudden disappearance and failure to respond to texts or emails for no obvious reason (like an argument or something).

I'd say it differs from a simple growing apart where contact has dwindled and gradually ceases.

Ghosting just happens out of the blue. Someone just stops talking to you and won't reply to your messages for no apparent reason

I agree I have seen the phrase used to describe what sounds more like a mutual drifting apart of two people due to them going in different directions. I think ghosting is more deliberate and one sided.

I classify it as not responding to at least 2 messages sent.

There is also fading out, which is less abrupt but is still a form of ghosting.

I absolutely hate ghosting. I was brought up partly in another country and I still have friends from school, uni and hobbies there that I'm still great friends with, even though we might not see each other for a couple of years or message every week.

Yet in Britain, pretty much everyone I've been close to has quietly dropped me once I've moved away from the area or stopped doing a particular hobby for a bit.

There seems more emphasis somehow in the UK to be a certain kind of similar person to be friends with, to fit in, and if you deviate from that, you are liable to get dropped.

I befriended a new single neighbour and got quite friendly through chatting in the street. She then started coming to my house to talk problems over. I felt a bit pressured by her. The last straw for me was when she came over and I told her we were having our tea but she came in anyway. From then on I strove not to catch her eye and walked away quickly with a small greeting if we met. I realised I had ghosted her but no way was she getting into my life!

I would argue one person's fading out is another person's choosing to focus on those who are both willing and able to spend meaningful time with them.

It's interesting - I think different people will see it in different ways. I've never considered myself to have been ghosted before, although I have friends who have always been crap at replying to messages and never initiate contact and in the end I've just given up and stopped contacting them too, but I wouldn't consider them to have ghosted me or vice versa. Maybe some people would see it differently though.

I think of ghosting as sudden and deliberate, rather than a gradual fading/drifting of contact. It’s also different to actively falling out with someone in my view. I saw a lot of comments on the other thread along the lines of ‘She sent me mad messages telling me I was the whore of Babylon and then shat in my lily pond, so I never contacted her again’. To me, that’s not ghosting - that’s a friendship ending and everyone knowing exactly why.