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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Home working

24 replies

IronNeonClasp · 26/11/2020 07:19

My school mum friend knocked on her way back from the run yesterday "Thought I'd pop in for a cuppa".
Me "Oh I'd love to invite you in but I'm working and I have a ridiculously busy day"
Cue awkward silence / I'm not moving until you let me in. She seemed really offended. And I had absolutely no scope to let her in.

I get this with my ex-H also. Since March when I was going into the office I wouldn't be home until 6/7 and he would drop the kids off then but now he drops them off at 15:30. I'm on a meeting at 3 every day so they run riot for an hour and I find myself doing breakfast, pack lunch and after school snacks and dinner.

AIBU that I really am working HARD; not sat in my house watching daytime tv with an immaculate house? And how do I convey this?

OP posts:
lovelemoncurd · 26/11/2020 07:21

I've been working from home since March and I would be bloody furious op. What a CF! My DH has started to finally appreciate that I'm busy all day and can't nip here and nip there for him during the day!

Bookworming · 26/11/2020 07:24

Be brutally honest, say "I'm at work", pretend I'm out of the house and give me the same respect.

CaledoniaCatalan · 26/11/2020 07:28

I'm guessing you're not in the uk if you can have household mixing or I'd have been using that.
It's really frustrating though, I totally get where you're coming from

Original poster
IronNeonClasp · 26/11/2020 07:49

Yes I'm in the UK. Ex-H and I share kids in our bubble? Not sure what you mean. Assume friend wanted socially distanced coffee...

OP posts:
Original poster
IronNeonClasp · 26/11/2020 07:50

@Bookworming I did try to insist just felt like she thought I was being so rude !

OP posts:
BullshitVivienne · 26/11/2020 07:51

Your friend wouldn't be allowed in under covid rules anyway.

BigPlanes · 26/11/2020 07:53

Where are you that you can even have people in our house for a cuppa? We haven’t been able to for weeks and weeks? But I’m in Scotland.

ivfbeenbusy · 26/11/2020 07:53

Ignoring the covid police......

Yes I regularly get this - "you're WFH can you just....." or outside lockdown family would pop in and stay for hours

They've never WFH so they just see it as an easy day

lowbudgetnigella · 26/11/2020 07:56

You have perfect excuse as she's not allowed, social distant or not. I'd love to have a cuppa with my Mum or sister even in the garden but it's not allowed atm.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 26/11/2020 07:57

How can you have a socially distanced coffee? We're in a lockdown still...
That aside, I work from home and would be annoyed at this. I think you did the right thing and she behaved badly for making you feel awkward.

Keratinsmooth · 26/11/2020 08:06

I would have suggested a time that was ok then closed the door. You will have 10/15 mins somewhere in your day.

Keratinsmooth · 26/11/2020 08:07

Actually no you can’t have anyone in. My suggestion is for normal times

BullshitVivienne · 26/11/2020 08:08

@ivfbeenbusy

Ignoring the covid police......

Yes I regularly get this - "you're WFH can you just....." or outside lockdown family would pop in and stay for hours

They've never WFH so they just see it as an easy day

Nee naw nee naw 🚔🚨
StCharlotte · 26/11/2020 08:20

@ivfbeenbusy

Ignoring the covid police......

Yes I regularly get this - "you're WFH can you just....." or outside lockdown family would pop in and stay for hours

They've never WFH so they just see it as an easy day

I worked from home for four months. Probably did more than usual and apart from lunch breaks, was at my desk all the working day every day.

Towards the end my MIL (who I love) said "are you looking forward to going back to work after your holiday?"

Closest we've come to falling out in 20 years.

dontdisturbmenow · 26/11/2020 08:22

Not allowed to come in, so working or not, makes no difference. Makes you wonder how many doors she knocked on before someone let her in.

Womencanlift · 26/11/2020 10:58

@BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456

How can you have a socially distanced coffee? We're in a lockdown still... That aside, I work from home and would be annoyed at this. I think you did the right thing and she behaved badly for making you feel awkward.
You do realise that not everyone is in lockdown don’t you...

I know that doesn’t change anything for the OP as she still couldn’t have had her friend in the house wfh or not but yet again we have another everyone is in lockdown thread when we are not!

notanothertakeaway · 26/11/2020 11:08

This has been a bugbear of mine for a while. I've worked from home for many years

I find it helps to say "I can't because I have to do X by 3pm". If people realise you have a deadline, they're more understanding

I also like the suggestion I saw on here to answer the door wearing your coat, so you can say "Sorry, I'm just going out" or "Great timing, I just got home" depending who's at the door

LindaEllen · 26/11/2020 11:37

I've worked from home since 2012, and I'm self employed. My dad was the worst one for this, he'd always call round in a morning for a brew, and got 'huffy' with me when I didn't stop typing.

It's like he doesn't accept that my job and deadlines are real, just because I was completing them in my own home.

I had another friend who used to do this as well, and no matter how many times I told him to please plan it in advance (because to be fair, I could have my lunch break a bit later or earlier if I knew someone was coming!) he would always just knock 'on the offchance', making me feel that I had to invite him in, then he'd stay for ages, and I'd end up working until 8pm or even later to make up for it.

This year has been such a breath of fresh air for me, as I feel like people are finally realising what working from home means, and what it's been like for me all this time.

My mum and brother were never as bad (I lived with them) but even so my mum would act like I was somehow being a really dull person for working when she had a day off and wanted to go somewhere, or they'd say I was unfair for not coming out for lunch (when it would have taken 3 hours in total for the overall trip) and be a bit moody with me, as if I was purposefully checking out of family life. We could have perfectly easily gone at the weekend for goodness sake.

I think that only the people who've worked from home really understand what it's like to do so.

CorianderQueen · 26/11/2020 11:51

That's never happened to me but I'd just say well, no, sorry but I have a meeting coming up. There's not much I can do as I'm working.

sapnupuas · 26/11/2020 12:01

My mum is terrible for this.

My husband has his own business and has worked from home for years. As we've got a small child, the bulk of his work is done at the weekend when I'm home.

If my mum and I went out at the weekend, she would say, without fail, "oh isn't Bob coming? Is he going to have a nap?"

"No mum, he's working"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course he is!"

His self employed- if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid!

SockDrawer · 26/11/2020 12:08

I get this with my ex-H also. Since March when I was going into the office I wouldn't be home until 6/7 and he would drop the kids off then but now he drops them off at 15:30.
I assume there must be a really good reason why on earth are you’re agreeing to this? You’re working. Either he needs to keep them or needs to find childcare.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 26/11/2020 13:46

@Womencanlift

"You do realise that not everyone is in lockdown don’t you...

I know that doesn’t change anything for the OP as she still couldn’t have had her friend in the house wfh or not but yet again we have another everyone is in lockdown thread when we are not!"

Ok well if we're going to be pedantic.... but unless the OP is on Orkney or other remote Scottish island then she can't have anyone in for a coffee...

emmathedilemma · 26/11/2020 13:55

I do wonder what people think we're doing WFH (other than browsing mumsnet!). I can't remember what i was talking about with a friend but she was genuinely shocked that I couldn't do it during the day when I pointed out that i'm expected to be / need to be (because i have work to do) at my desk "9-5" with a break over lunch (if i'm lucky)......interestingly she was also working from home during lockdown.....

CaledoniaCatalan · 26/11/2020 14:08

@IronNeonClasp

Yes I'm in the UK. Ex-H and I share kids in our bubble? Not sure what you mean. Assume friend wanted socially distanced coffee...
You said she wanted to pop in for a coffee. Socially distanced or not this wouldn't be allowed so that would have been the perfect excuse.
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