Terrified my 22mo has ASD

[Luke2019]

Hi everyone. Writing this from a pretty low and desperate place. My precious DS is 22mo and I am thinking he may have Autism. Up until a week ago, I had no concerns whatsoever. Didn't really pay attention to the little things and just thought he was speech delayed, like most of the boys in my family were. He has recently started spinning in circles whilst looking out the corner of his eyes which at first, I found absolutely hilarious and adorable. I ended up Googling it and lots of scary things came up about Autism. When I looked in to Autism further, I realised my DS has lots of the early signs and he even got a high risk score on the MCHAT test. He doesn't point to share attention or even point at all, he doesn't bring me toys or engage me in his play and his eye contact isn't great either. Sometimes he looks at me when I call his name, sometimes not. He doesn't put his arms out to be held (although he definitely did this as a younger baby). Every now and then he sort of will if I go to pick him up myself. He has no words but did pretend cough the other day after I coughed (I did it twice to make sure, and he copied again). He does babble and make sounds "da da da" etc. He also still puts things in his mouth a lot and licks things, which I know can be normal at this age. Other things I've noticed are he jumps up and down when excited, again, I know this can be normal and sometimes laughs to himself. I honestly am driving myself crazy from analysing his every move. I must admit, in the past I've sort of just let him do his own thing and maybe not got down and played with him enough. He does also love the TV. 😳 In the past few days I've tried to get him to help me put the laundry in the machine to assess his understanding. I put a top in and said "DS do it" and he did pick something off the floor and put it in, but I don't know if that is just copying/him wanting to do it anyway rather than following instruction. I did the same with getting him to put bath toys in the bath which he did copy/do. He is very affectionate, always has been and loves cuddling. He is also happy, smiley and easy going. I've started reading to him and pointing to pictures in very simple terms for example "cat, flower" then turning the page. I also move his finger to the image as if making him point to try and teach him to. The same with playing with him, I will say, "Apple please", put the toy apple in his hand and guide his hand to mine, then make a big fuss of him (even though he isn't actually doing it himself). Does anyone have any more tips for me? I've terrified myself from Googling so much and am now convinced I am going to end up with a severely disabled son, in a special school and maybe even non verbal and aggressive towards me and I won't be able to control it as a single mum. :( I suffer badly with anxiety as you can probably tell. I'm only 28, on my own with 2 kids (DD is 6 and NT), on benefits and I can't afford all the therapies they talk about online. I've phoned my HV and she said to keep an eye on it but wait until his 27mo check. Should I be doing more? My family think I'm going insane and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him, that he is just delayed like all the boys in our family. My DB and both of my nephews did not speak until they were 3. And my sister said my nephew was also not pointing or responding to his name until 2.5. Please help me. I'm not eating or sleeping. I love my DS so much but am looking at him feeling like maybe I don't even know him which is tearing me up inside. Sorry this is so long.

Honestly I think you might be getting yourself worked up for no reason.

He has recently started spinning in circles whilst looking out the corner of his eyes which at first, I found absolutely hilarious and adorable. I ended up Googling it and lots of scary things came up about Autism.
I think this is normal toddler behaviour. DS who just turned 2 does this a lot, as does a friend's boy of the same age. DS does not appear to have autism and likes to laugh and talk about getting dizzy when he does it. Isn't it natural when spinning to look in the direction you are turning?

He doesn't point to share attention or even point at all
DS only started doing this recently at around 2.

he doesn't bring me toys or engage me in his play
I don't this DS did this until after his second birthday.

his eye contact isn't great either. Sometimes he looks at me when I call his name, sometimes not.
DS is sporadic with this too, although I think it's because he's just not paying attention.

He doesn't put his arms out to be held (although he definitely did this as a younger baby). Every now and then he sort of will if I go to pick him up myself.
DS never did this and went straight to verbally asking to be picked up.

He has no words but did pretend cough the other day after I coughed (I did it twice to make sure, and he copied again).
That's adorable.

He does babble and make sounds "da da da" etc.
My DS is a massive talker at just over 2 years but my friend's son is still babbling. There seems to be a lot of variation at this age.

He also still puts things in his mouth a lot and licks things, which I know can be normal at this age.
Yep. We used to say that we would take his to playgroups just so he could put new things in his mouth. He still likes to this kid of things (albeit at home now due to lockdown) at 2 years+.

Other things I've noticed are he jumps up and down when excited, again, I know this can be normal and sometimes laughs to himself.
Yep. That sounds pretty normal.

I honestly am driving myself crazy from analysing his every move.
I honestly think you might be. I mean he could have autism but what you've described sounds like normal toddler behaviour to me. Possibly slightly behind average on the speech front, but you could talk to a health professional if you are concerned.

This is an awful thread to read. I get you're concerned but some of the things you have said are really hurtful. I have an amazing 6 year old daughter who was diagnosed at 2 years old and attends a specialist school. She is smart, funny, affectionate, kind and she told me I was her best friend a couple of days ago.

Autism really isn't the end of the world and your Son will still be the same child even if he is Autistic.

Horrendous thread. Truly awful to read as a parent of an autistic child and I can't imagine how an autistic person will feel reading this. Absolutely hysterical too.

@MissBaskinIfYoureNasty The only horrendous thing about this thread is people like you who want to kick the OP when she is down.

Autism is a massive spectrum, and whilst at the high-functioning end it can be viewed merely as a “difference”, severe, classic autism can be one of the most difficult disabilities there is - it can make the life of the child who has it or the parent of that child a living hell.

Now, from what OP has said, I would bet my bottom dollar that her DS does not have severe autism (if he has autism at all), but that is clearly what she is worrying about. And likely she won’t know what she is dealing with for a number of years.

Don’t you dare invalidate her feelings when she is going through this! This right-on, you can’t say anything bad about autism attitude makes me sick.

I must admit, in the past I've sort of just let him do his own thing and maybe not got down and played with him enough
I think this is significant. If you've only started to really interact with him, it's understandable that he would be a bit behind his peers at this age.

You say he is already starting to respond more to your interaction so I would just continue this. Oy time will confirm one way or the other but do discuss it with a professional as health anxiety is horrible.

[quote Fr0thandBubble]@MissBaskinIfYoureNasty The only horrendous thing about this thread is people like you who want to kick the OP when she is down.

Autism is a massive spectrum, and whilst at the high-functioning end it can be viewed merely as a “difference”, severe, classic autism can be one of the most difficult disabilities there is - it can make the life of the child who has it or the parent of that child a living hell.

Now, from what OP has said, I would bet my bottom dollar that her DS does not have severe autism (if he has autism at all), but that is clearly what she is worrying about. And likely she won’t know what she is dealing with for a number of years.

Don’t you dare invalidate her feelings when she is going through this! This right-on, you can’t say anything bad about autism attitude makes me sick.[/quote]
Ur right i been wanting to write something similar, but as im knackered as daughter woke up at 3 ive not found right words. Its so infuriating to think that if a parent carer who has a child who at the severe end and they cannot do anything themselves. Like my daughter that somehow our feelings and situation isnt acknowledged due to offending a autistic person. The OP felt the exactly the same as me aty childs age. Obviously she doesnt know what will happen and i hope her child doesnt get effected as my has but i will not apologise for having my feelings. u can not want to change anything about ur children having autism but that doesnt mean other families shouldnt be allowed to think otherwise

Autism is a massive spectrum, and whilst at the high-functioning end it can be viewed merely as a “difference”, severe, classic autism can be one of the most difficult disabilities there is - it can make the life of the child who has it or the parent of that child a living hell.

This is bollocks. The autistic spectrum isn't a side to side slider in terms of where people sit:

@MissBaskinIfYoureNasty

Horrendous thread. Truly awful to read as a parent of an autistic child and I can't imagine how an autistic person will feel reading this. Absolutely hysterical too.

It's awful. The little snippet last night about how posters who are autistic are obviously high functioning as they are able to post just highlights how absolutely ignorant people are.

I am so fed up of posters shutting people down. Autism isn’t a walk in the park. No disability is. That doesn’t mean people with it aren’t entitled to all the love and dignity in the world, but it does impact them and those around them.

I understand the OP's worries. I have a son with autism and severe learning difficulties and my life isn't the life I thought I would have but as a pp said, you adapt and get on with things. The hardest thing has been the fight and battle to get him the support and provision he needs.I never realised how much fight I had in me until I had to do it, although it is 'wrong' that I have to do it.

I wouldn't worry at all about the things you say he DOES do - they all sound like typical toddler behaviour. The things he DOESN'T do that you feel he should be doing are things to keep an eye on, but it's still early.

I would also say that this age (of child) is quite a typical age for a mother to realise her mental health is suffering more than she thought, so look after yourself.

Just to clarify I wasn't trying to shut anyone down, of course the OP has the right to feel worried and concerned for her child ~ I'm not disputing that at all. That said, of course it is going to upset people from the autistic community, parents of Autistic children etc. Are our feelings not valid too?

He does have traits and it is likely but you are acting like autism is a life limiting illness by saying you are wondering if he won't progress further? My brother has autism and he's great - there is really nothing to be scared of. He attends standard state schools, plays for a football team, loves xbox like his friends, bog standard.

I don’t think it is really about feelings being valid, or not. All feelings are perfectly valid, but there’s a time and a place to express those feelings and a way to do so which is supportive of others.

You say that it is going to upset people from the autistic community and parents of children with autism. That is possibly true, but nonetheless, life with a child with autism has a very different texture to life without. And that’s particularly true if you’re facing it potentially as a lone parent without very much money.

I think it is possible to be honest and say that even when you love them so much life is tiring and it’s hard to adjust. Being pounced on when voicing fears for the future about a child with a potential life changing disability because it might upset someone with that disability isn’t in the spirit of mn to me at any rate.

When you have a child with SN you have to adjust to the life you are leading rather than the life you imagined, that’s a process and it’s not on shouting someone down when they are starting that process.

And that's great for @ErickBroch but if you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism,my son also has autism he's in a special school,non verbal ,he won't ever be independent etc he will need full time care for the rest of his life ,I love him more than life of course but I wish people would stop minimising the affects autism can have on some people and their families.

Read what I said in my initial post, I just said that some of the things that were said were hurtful and that was it. I understand that life is hard when you have a child with SEN, my daughter is severely Autistic.

I would also add to that x2 that a child at school is far from a finished product, as it were. I absolutely hate sounding all doom laden but I do think sometimes posters look at a reasonably well adjusted 15 year old with autism and think that’s the finished product, it isn’t, any more than you were a finished product at the age of 15.

@ErickBroch So what if autism isn’t a life-limiting illness? You can only be sad if your child’s disability is life-limiting, is that what you’re saying? That’s bull crap. You sound like my mother in law who, when I was crying after my son’s ASD diagnosis (having been told it was “very significant”), snapped at me that she didn’t know why I was upset because it’s not like he had cancer.

These are utterly hurtful and ignorant things to say. I can think of very few more devastating things than having a child with severe, classic autism. And that is what the OP is worrying about.

@x2boys ah yes I am minimising by giving my personal experience, of course! Not to mention that I volunteer for my regions Autistic care network every weekend and support classes and activities for people all across the spectrum. I don't think the OP needs to be told that if her child is autistic then her life is over? The traits she was describing were very similar to my sibling.

@Fr0thandBubble Um no, I was responding directly to the OP saying she thought her child would never progress past this point of being 22 months old.

Some don’t, erick, you must know this, if you have the breadth of experience you claim you do. Autism is not akin to an extra freckle, something that is there but makes no discernible difference to someone’s life.

I have ASD and so have my kids and probably my dp as well(he has no diagnosis and is not interested in getting one)
Its honestly not a death sentence so please dont catastrophise.
If you think he possibly has autism, then tell your HV. They can refer him for assessment, as then they can identify the help he might need at school before he gets there.

Your little boy sounds lovely and perfect as he is. Try not to worry too much

ErickBroch my son will never do any of the things you mention. He can still have a happy life but it won't be a 'normal' life. And that is fine. But to say that he can join in with lots of activities when he most definitely cannot would be wrong. We have activities for young people with autism here but none are accessible to ds.

I hate all this it’s just a different way of thinking crap! It may be for some but for many people it is debilitating.

My children will likely never live independently. I’ll be caring for them until I drop dead unless I put them in a residential home.

I saw an advert for a job working with autistic adults, the listing said that the candidate didn’t have to speak English how bad is that?

I’ve come to terms with it now and I try not to worry too much about the future but if I could change things so that my children didn’t have to struggle with everyday life I would.

Yep same here @Underhisi ,we have groups and activities in my area for children with autism too,but rather than acknowledging that children with autism and severe learning disabilities will have very different interests and needs to children with autism and no learning disabilities ,it's a one size fits all approach and it doesn't really work tbh .