AIBU to seriously doubt some of the claims in the Oh Crap potty training book, and to find the author's style a bit, um, strident?

[AuntVictoria]

I've never read a parenting book quite like the Oh Crap method. Firstly, the author claims if children aren't night trained by 3 and a half their bladder begins to entrophy - isn't this total rubbish? I thought a hormone dictated whether children could stay dry overnight. Likewise, the author claims if you leave potty training til after 30 months you're setting yourself up for real problems, but anecdotally I know plenty of people who have trained at 3+ without a problem.

I also find the author's style rather abrasive and hectoring. She says in an early chapter (and I'm paraphrasing here) that if you're waiting until your child is ready, you're just putting training off and implies you're lazy and just need to get on with it. She also later literally says don't come crying to her if you decide to skip the commando stage and have lots of accidents. Most parenting books are a bit more supportive and diplomatic?!

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her method, I'm using it myself, but she doesn't sound like someone I'd want to go for a drink with in real life

Yeah dd was 30 months when I read it before starting training at all, and I did feel like I was getting a slap on the wrist But her technique worked brilliantly so I'll let it slide

I wouldn't even read a book on it because my kids were so different. No approach can fit all.

My 3 and a half year old isn't dry at night consistently. His bladder is going to begin to what?

It's horses for courses, some people will find it useful and some won't.

Personally I didn't read any potty training books, I just followed DC's lead and once they were showing signs of being aware when they needed the loo then I gave potty training a go. Two of them went back into nappies briefly as they weren't quite 'there' yet but cracked it on the second go around, two got it on the first round of trying. They all trained at different ages (2, 3.2, 3.8, and 2.11) but they were all reliably dry/clean in the day within a week of starting. Nighttime dryness took a bit longer, six months for one of them, a year for another, four years for another, and youngest isn't dry at night yet. I used pill ups and once they had a run of around 7-8 dry nightime pull ups in a row then we started trying bedtime without them.

I promise anyone reading this that your child's bladder is not going to atrophy if you wait until they're three and you're not going to set yourself up for problems by not trying as soon as possible. I found the opposite to be true in my experience and found that the earlier you start, the longer it takes.

@ironicj DS is 29 months and I have started training on the basis that he will otherwise apparently go to uni still in nappies

@AlmostAlwyn I have never seen this claim anywhere else so I wouldn't worry too much.

The writing style is very cheese America. The chapter where she says you can subtly hint to the nursery that they can PT too and her suggestion conversation was ultra condescending. No nursery teacher would take that seriously.

Buuuut the technique is really good!

I had great success with it (worked in a weekend and dry at night within the following week, has barely had an accident since) but I left it till I thought she was ready and I had a good clear weekend (31 months) and then felt berated by the author as I’d left it too late by her standards. So either the method was brilliant or I just lucked out on the timing, nursery were very interested in the commando thing but were happy to go along with it.

Some of it is a bit silly, like the they’re ready when they know the abc song- don’t know many 2 year olds that do.

Also the never giving up, I think if you’ve started quite early it’s reasonable to wait a month or so and go back. Which is what we did. We started at 20 months, tried for a week, it was too soon and at 24 months it was easy.

I do however, agree that as a whole we are waiting too late. It’s so so awful for the environment, and unless there has been a lot of effort or there are additional needs I really don’t think we should be waiting till age 3.

I have a few friends from NCT who have the potty out and think their child isn’t ready because they won’t start PT themselves. I saw PT as something very important that I wanted to teach DD. Overall I think it’s a great book, and I agree with a lot of what she says.

I read so many parenting books when my kids were little. People with older kids said not to bother but I couldn't help myself. Now I'm older, I say if you have a bog standard kid, chuck out the parenting books and do it on the fly. You'll be fine. So will your kids.

Every generation has bonkers potty training books, they are great fun! I found one which demanded that parents put a potty inside a playpen and TIED THE BABY ONTO THE POTTY! Not before a year old though, we aren't savages!

Take what helps you and ignore the rest. You are unlikely to cause lasting mental or physical damage unless you are my mother (beatings from 18 months, ritual shaming, loads of really good stuff!). I can't remember exactly how I trained my 4, except that the first trained the last when I wasn't looking. I worried a lot about it at the time, but most of that worrying was a waste of time and all can now be relied on not to pee on the carpet. Although the first one is now 18, so once the pubs are fully open again that may change, I suppose.

You need a book on how to teach your child to go to the toilet? Surely you just wait until they’re ready? All of mine got the hang of it the day they decided they wanted to use the toilet instead of wearing nappies, all bang on 3 too oddly enough

The method is reasonably good if you take it as a rough guideline, but apart from that I'd take it with a huge pinch of salt.

Back when my teen was toilet training age, there was a big kick back against early training, and everyone was waiting until about 3. The kids all trained more or less overnight. I remember actual rows between the mums and the older lady volunteers at the church hall playgroups over it

Now the pendulum is swinging back a little but frankly it seems like a lot of hard work.

Grab a child a few months either side of three, keep them sans culottes for a few days, plonk them periodically on the toilet and tell them they have to go on it now. Nine times out of ten the job is done within a week, give or take night dryness which is an entirely different beast.

I currently have a toddler again, and I went on the Oh Crap Facebook group for a look because it kept being mentioned in another group I'm on

Oh my GOD. The author, who as far as I know has no medical background, is promoting the use of suppositories as a regular thing. There are parents on that group at the end of their tether because they've been trying for months and months to train, are cleaning up multiple accidents a day, are basically saying they no longer enjoy parenting their child, are stressed to the hilt- and are being told on no account to "give up" and put a nappy back on the child.

Cruel nonsense which is taking advantage of first time mothers, in my opinion. Honestly there was a woman going on about how her child wouldn't poo on the toilet, the recommendation was give her suppositories so she has no choice. She was then posting because the child was incredibly distressed at the daily suppository and she wanted to stop and return to nappies... The general consensus was absolutely not. I actually find it really upsetting

The book give the kid a little push to do it earlier I think. I was worrying about the mess etc and it was actually really good to get me in the right mindset to just to for it and it's really great with no mess. But most of the parenting books I read are more about changing the parent's was of thinking and giving thrm the confidence

It's a weird book.

I didn't like the way she insists that it's normal/necessary to set an alarm in order to wake up throughout the night and take your child to the toilet. Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

And her pyramid theory about liquids is totally made up and has no similarity to how kidneys actually work.

ABC song also a bizarre milestone I agree - but maybe American parents routinely drill their small children in things like this? Surely any nursery rhyme would suffice?

OP she makes it very clear at the beginning what her tone will be

I read it and thought it was brilliant, my dd is nearly 3 and it was harder because of her age, but we got it cracked in 4 days. And honestly the 'waiting till dd was ready' was me being lazy 🤷‍♀️

I’m so with you, OP. Her style is abrasive at best. I started earlier than I really wanted to with my DD because the book seemed to suggest it was essentially child abuse not to, and we are still struggling nearly six months on. I followed the method to the letter and DD is still totally unreliable. Sometimes dry all day, sometimes, the literal opposite. If I ever have another child, I will be using the pages of the book to wipe their bottom with!

But er, yes, some of us do need books, my first was a nightmare. I read this book for my second but then actually trying the method it became clear he wasn't anywhere near ready (it must be because he doesn't know his alphabet yet, silly me :o) so I stopped and left him in nappies for now.

FB groups can get a bit bonkers at the best of times especially when they exist around some sort of method or belief system. You get weird competitiveness between members wanting to prove that they are the most dedicated person ever and take the method or system to a complete black and white extreme.

I think her book is a load of crap personally. And I totally disagree with the commando stage. All the people I know who’ve done it, have had problems getting back out of the commando stage - as soon as they stayed putting pants on? The kid started weeing in them.

I’ve potty trained 4 kids (2 at bang on 2 because they were ready, 1 at 2.3 and 1 at 3). Apart from an abortive go with my oldest, they all cracked it in 3 days - because if they’re ready (regardless of their age) it’s easy. If it’s hard, it’s too soon and you out them back in nappies and try again in a few months.

The only thing I swear by is reusable nappies - it’s no coincidence to me that my child who potty trained at 3 was the one who wore disposables.

I had it - one of the very few books i actually binned instead of donating.
You could also title it “how to make potty training as difficult as possible- a book to make sure women don’t have it too easy”

What a load of rubbish. My did trained herself when she was just turned 3. She declared one day she wasn’t wearing nappies anymore.

It's over the top. And I think the atrophy thing is probably false.

That being said I have come to the conclusion over the years training my own kids and a few others that we have probably started to leave things a little too late. The pendulum swung from my grandmothers day when she has them on the toilet by 18 months - and they would be in cloth too. And arguably the mother was the one who was "trained" but it seems to have resulted in children who preferred being dry and took to the toilet as soon as their bodies allowed.

Whereas the whole "wait until they are keen" thing on our end isn't great, IME. The kids often are never all that keen, and come not to care so much about being wet - very efficient disposables probably makes a difference as well. And kids who aren't home with a parent enough to really concentrate on training and watching for signals also makes it difficult for parents to get started early.

We have the weird situation now where you get a few kids being taught reading while still in diapers.

I trained one child using that method at 2y10m. It was much easier training the other one using the same method at just over 2y.

It was a horrid book. My DH especially felt that he had failed and that DD would never be potty trained. She hated this method.

A month after her 3rd birthday we tried potty training again, completely dry day and night within a week. We didn't need that stupid book.

Used this method successfully however I agree I was a bit taken aback by some of the claims & her self proclaimed hilariousness 😂