Would you/should you delay TTC to attend family wedding abroad?

[BabyOrWedding]

My only sibling was due to get married on the other side of the world (where they live) in summer but obviously it got cancelled. Me and DP were hoping to attend the wedding then come back and shortly begin TTC, as we would also be turning 34 and didn’t want to leave it much longer. The wedding is now planned for next August when me and DP will have both just turned 35. The wedding is in a high risk Zika virus area too so we will have to pay for blood tests when we get back to check we are clear before we TTC. I would be just about to turn 36 when I gave birth if I was lucky enough to fall pregnant straight away, following negative Zika test.
Postponing TTC until at least next September/October makes me feel a bit anxious if I am honest, but I am torn between TTC and wanting to see my only sibling get married - the wedding would also be a trip of a lifetime as we would be incorporating it into a 3 week holiday/travelling as well.

I have a DC (from a previous relationship) so I know everything was working biologically back then but I am that much older now.

YABU - go to the wedding and TTC upon return

YANBU - don’t go and prioritise TTC

Don't wait, it's your life. Anything could happen in that time, the couple getting married could split up, the wedding could be postponed again, you never know. Don't put your life on hold for someone else.

If this year has taught us anything it's that no one can predict what's going to happen next year.

How would you feel if you delayed then the wedding was cancelled, or you couldn't travel because of a pandemic.

I wouldn't put off TTC at 34. I was a little older than you when TTC number 2 but had my first with no issues at 31 and then second (I'm pregnant now) took over a year and 3 mc. If you aren't pregnant by, say July, will it be possible to take a little break and book last minute to go to the wedding or is it essential to commit now?

I'd TTC now, and check the blood test info as I was told they were useless. My fertility clinic made you wait 6 months (for men, less for women) after a zika area visit as they don't pick up zika in the sperm

Don't put it off. You've no idea how long it could take. My SIL had a baby 2 weeks before my wedding.

You would be crazy to postpone op! It can take years for some people to get pregnant the sooner you start trying the better

Do not postpone. I've been trying around a year now (age 35) and had a MC in Sept so trying again. Do not waste time.

Definitely TTC, What if the wedding gets postponed again or they run off to get married quietly. TTC can take months even years I wouldn’t want to wait any longer if I was you, your ready to TTC and want a baby.... go for it! There will always be a reason to put having a baby off, weddings/holidays etc.

I would start ttc now. I might take a short break to attend the wedding if it was possible to book at short notice. I suppose that means I’d plan to go but make sure I could cancel if it wasn’t possible to go.

What they’ve all said,
You don’t know the difference this year will make to you / your health or TTC. I’d start now and deal with it when or if it happens.

I told my sister we were planning to have a baby, she planned her wedding and told me in no uncertain terms that children weren't allowed there and that if I had a baby, my friend would have to look after it. I know it was about her being the centre of attention and I get that BUT it affected our relationship hugely (although I have never said anything.) She married in the July, we TTC in the Feb following and then fell pregnant the following September. All went well - I was 38. Don't worry too much is all I'm saying - your age is not a huge issue, especially if you have had a child already.

TTC should take the priority - I made it clear to our family that we might have to take a backseat when it came to family events/holidays etc whilst TTC and doing IVF. I certainly wouldn't have risked a Zika hotspot and more delays if it came back positive?

Unfortunate as it is it's neither you or your siblings fault covid has got in the way but your life shouldn't be put on hold for a wedding either

We’ve been to a Zika area this year. We can’t find anywhere willing to give us the blood test to see if we’re negative so we can TTC - even the private clinics seem to have switched to Covid testing. We found a few websites advertising it, mostly for London clinics, but they all said they wouldn’t do it right now. You also have to have been home for two months before you can get a proper response, as before that the antibodies might not be detected.

Anyway, I’d TTC. You never know how long it’ll take, and time isn’t on your side. I’d be getting started!

I had the same quandary OP, not a family wedding but a very close friend, with more friends that I haven't seen in a long time attending, and a holiday planned around it.

We decided to crack on anyway as the wedding may not even be able to go ahead, and actually now if our next two cycles are also unsuccessful I'll still be able to go as I'd be 6-7 months pregnant.

You never know how long it could take x

You’re 35, you’re not getting any younger. I’d be TTC.

As someone who took 2.5 years to conceive starting at the age of 27. Unexplained infertility. Don't postpone for an event! Also the advice re Zika virus is to postpone ttc for 6 months due to sperm regeneration. I had lots a big events planned when we were ttc! Made everyone of them and attended 2 weddings pregnant and 2 weddings with a small baby and 1 of them bridesmaid 8 weeks post baby for my sister in law! They were all close family member weddings as well!! Yous sisters wedding at the mo is prob a no no! But when they arrange destination weddings they should expect for lots of reasons that even close family members mightn't be able to attend.

Don’t postpone. I was your age when I found out I had low ovarian reserve and needed ivf. I had regular periods and zero indication there was a problem. I was lucky and managed two dc after this (one via ivf and one lucky natural conception- but also had a miscarriage too), but it may just have easily gone the other way.

I wouldn’t risk it if it was me.

Dont wait to ttc for your sisters wedding. Your baby is more important. Any decent sister would understand

@Lazypuppy

Why cant you just ttc now then take the baby with you?

I don't think the maths quite works there unless she's ovulating right now, conceives first try and hops on a plane straight from hospital!

Do not make your plans around a family wedding. I’ve been TTC since 37. I’m now 40 and still no child despite several rounds of ivf and two miscarriages.

Do you know that you have to wait 6 months for your husband to be clear of the virus before you TTC - it’s different for men?
If I were in your situation I wouldn’t change my plans for the reasons listed above, primarily that you don’t know how long it might take to conceive and none of us knows what travel will be permitted next year so you could have wasted this opportunity to get started!

Next August might still be risky for covid travel- the vaccine probably won’t be widely rolled out. Anything could happen in the mean time. Get on with TTC

You haven't got time to postpone as another poster says. If you were 24 maybe, but really you need to get on with it!

Do NOT delay

You’d be insane to wait. My dp suggested we do this to go to his sisters wedding overseas. My face was a picture. His sister probably wouldn’t go out of her way to make us a cup of tea if it wasn’t convenient either.