Texting while in zoom meetings

[ZoomOfDoom]

I'm a manager in an organisation. There is a slightly unusual setup in terms of line management vs task management which I won't go into.

I regularly have zoom meetings with a team of people who I don't line manage, but who I do work closely with. I have been asked to lead certain pieces of work with this team. I suspect they are not all happy with me being involved in this way, and covid has also intensified a general sense of people being unhappy at work. I'm really sympathetic to all of this, it's not my favourite time either.

My main issue is that I can see them all quite clearly texting each other (probably about me and what I'm saying, and probably not all that complimentary!) during our zoom meetings. I find it utterly rude!!

Not quite sure how to address it. Can't stand the idea of calling them out, feels like it would make the general feeling worse.

So, AIBU to feel absolute rage about this? And what would you do if you were me?

What makes you think they are texting each other about you? I’m not saying you’re wrong but it seems really specific. I texted my husband while in a meeting today to turn the heating down because I didn’t want to walk away from the meeting but I was boiling!

But I agree with you that it’s generally quite rude for someone to be staring at their phone throughout a meeting (and it IS obvious!) so can you frame it more like that in general? As they are very likely to deny texting each other about you and I’m not sure how you’d prove it.

If you're not their line manager then perhaps on the next one, just say to them all, "Look, this wasn't my idea I've been told to do it. It's really disconcerting seeing people texting. If you have an issue with the meeting then raise it, with all of us, out in the open, about how to get these done quicker/better".

Dunno OP but I would hate this too. They might be texting each other but not about you. It's still really rude.

I've had this with some junior staff, and I just say at the start of the meeting that I'd like everyone's focus throughout and so I'd appreciate them only using phones where necessary.

It's a bit school teacher, but if they're behaving like teenagers they deserve it.

If they still do it I'd talk to their line manager. But I'd say the problem is that they're not concentrating, not that they're texting about you, which you don't know and sounds a bit paranoid.

I'd start the meeting by saying "right, so today we're discussing x, y and z, and if you could all save the texting until after the meeting that would be great, thanks".

I don’t think that will stop the texting, and I do think they will dislike you more as a result and thus your work will suffer. Try and consider that they probably have more going on than their issues with working with you, and are more likely to be texting about a world of other priorities. If you are feeling sensitive about it, you could talk to HR/get some support for yourself, as working remotely can make people less sure of the cues around them we ordinarily take for granted to interpret emotions

As a manager you should have enough people skill to be able to do this without any "calling out".
Just say that you realised there is lots of distractions going on and so let's eliminate 1 by not using our phones. Like we would do in a meeting room anyway

When someone is clearly distracted and texting ask them a direct question in relation to what you've just said, do it a few times and people will be wary of burying their noses in phones and then looking like an idiot when the either can't answer the question or realise everyone is looking at them with their head in their phone

Oh dear my camera isn't working! So I don't have the issue, but see the point about people not concentrating or appearing to.

Are the meetings going on too long?

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

If you're not their line manager then perhaps on the next one, just say to them all, "Look, this wasn't my idea I've been told to do it. It's really disconcerting seeing people texting. If you have an issue with the meeting then raise it, with all of us, out in the open, about how to get these done quicker/better".

Dunno OP but I would hate this too. They might be texting each other but not about you. It's still really rude.

I think this is a good way to go about it.

Are you sure they're texting? I have to admit to things like checking and answering emails on my phone in the boring bits of meetings or when they're discussing stuff that doesn't concern me.

I'd raise this as a work etiquette issue away from the zoom call. It's not acceptable to be on your phone in a face to face meeting, to successfully hold remote meetings the same needs to be true.

If this can be raised as a general point, in zoom meetings all you need to do is reinforce the message so you become the messenger rather than the instigator. Frankly I'm surprised this hasn't been addressed before.

As for messaging about you, they might be, they might not be. Either way unless someone sends you a screenshot there's zero chance of proving it so I'd just go along with the professional behaviour aspect rather than the gossiping one.

It's part of basic training and part of the orientation process in most organisations that you don't use your phone, or eat or turn up late to meetings isn't it? If it isn't ok in face to face meetings then it isn't ok via zoom/webex/teams either.
I think that a word to management about the issue overall, not just when you are speaking, is more likely to be effective. It sounds like you are working with a group of people suffering WFH fatigue who may need a little refresher on basic business etiquette.

I doubt they are texting about you. In Zoom you can choose in the chat function to send a private message to another participant. They are more likely to be talking about you on that than on Zoom.

On their phone, I meant.

How do you know they the texts are about you?

I feel you but I don't get why people show video in zoom meetings? I meet with my team once a week but video is off. I haven't seen their faces since March. Why the need for video?

Irrelevant if the texts are about OP or not - it's incredibly rude to do that.

They need a good rollicking OP

@shamalidacdak

I feel you but I don't get why people show video in zoom meetings? I meet with my team once a week but video is off. I haven't seen their faces since March. Why the need for video?

@shamalidacdak So they can send text messages without you knowing?!

I've been in zoom meetings where people are clearly texting each other, you can tell by the pattern of person A: head looks down, smile, head stays down for a bit, looks up, process then repeated for person B. If it makes you feel better, ive heard that the people who do it in the meetings I attend are usually bitching about other participants and not the manager but it still looks incredibly immature and unprofessional. I would instigate a phones off policy as you would in a face to face meeting.

Thanks for the responses. You are right of course, they may not be texting about me, it's just my suspicion based on a couple of things: first I am also in other meetings with these people where other colleagues are leading / chairing, and have been included in texts about the person chairing! And I can almost see the chain of one person looking down, and then 30 secs later others then look down and react.

I don't really care if they are talking about me or not, I can have my big girl pants on and realise that's something I can't change. It's the fact that it's happening in a situation where ordinarily it wouldn't be something that people would consider doing if it was a face to face meeting. I guess I find it a bit mind boggling that people would think this is acceptable...

@shamalidacdak

I feel you but I don't get why people show video in zoom meetings? I meet with my team once a week but video is off. I haven't seen their faces since March. Why the need for video?

Uh...

Same reason you don't all sit with your backs to one another in in-person meetings?

Is this a real question?