Taking Maternity Leave in a Different Country Without Dad

[Lalaloveyou2020]

A colleague is expecting her first baby and has shared with me that she intends to spend the first six weeks at home with dad and baby, then take the baby home (Eastern Europe) for the remainder of her maternity leave (six months plus holidays). Dad will stay here and work and (Covid allowing) will travel over one weekend a month, every second month, and visit them.

Now, she can do what she wants and they've both obviously decided this is for the best, but is it not leaving Dad out a bit? I mentioned that it might interfere with baby/dad bond but this didn't seem a concern for her.

I am not asking if I should interfere (I won't mention it to her again) but aibu to think that it might have some effect on dad's bond with the baby? Or is this a normal practice in other countries?

Plenty of dads aren't around for all sorts of reasons. Or babies are in FT childcare so don't see parents during the day. Or have health issues so are away from extended family. Or have loads of siblings so less 121 attention.

You might not think those are great either, but you're right, it's none of your business.

I'm very glad you won't say anything, you sound judgy as hell.

A lot of people assumed I would travel to my home country and do exactly this actually. It’s not what I did although I visited my home country quite a bit. As so many assumed I would do it, it must not be that unusual.

Other countries such as?
Italy?
Poland?
Sweden?
Zimbabwe?
Australia?

Behave and wind your neck in.

My dad was in the military. It didn't affect our bond.
In some countries women only get 6 weeks maternity leave then have to go back to work full time.

The baby will still see the dad also and they’ll also benefit from time with extended family who will maybe be able to support the mum more rather than her being home alone with the baby which might be the alternative? I can see why someone would choose to do this.

My colleague did this - actually she went before the baby was born (her DH went with her for a few weeks over the birth). None of my business at all and seemed to work for them.

I think baby will be fine. I would be more worried about their relationship with each other and of course Brexit - if she leaves the country for 6m+.
Many dads don't do hands on parenting with babies and toddlers ...

@Ylvamoon yes I was thinking of the relationship as well, out of sight, out of mind. Mostly though it's the formation of the family unit. She comes back and just goes straight back to full time work, it will be a bit depressing for her.

@TheSilentStars it's a question about if this is normal in other countries, if their attitude to dads involvement in early babyhood is different. Mumsnet is full of people saying dad should be involved from the get-go, do more, participate more. It was just interesting to see someone who thinks differently. Don't make this into what it's not.

@40weekswithno2 I didn't even think of military service!

Well Dad's work all kinds of crazy shifts meaning they barely see their child despite sharing a house, work normal house and don't bother with their kids or work away for the Army etc. Only one of those really gets judged and I'm sure the other two manage to form bonds with their kids.

Would i do it? No. But maybe she needs support she knows he won't give.

yes I was thinking of the relationship as well, out of sight, out of mind. Tbh of either of them can forget so quickly they have a partner and are going to shag the first thing that offers, the relationship doesn't bear much weight anyway

Yes, my colleague did this. Her husband stayed to earn money (rather essential with a new baby and her on maternity pay) and she went to live with relatives for a few months so she had lots of support and family and friends around. He visited regularly. She seemed happy with their plans and I know loved having so much time with her mum.

Honestly, I’d mind your own business! It might not be what you’d want, and wouldn’t work for everyone but it might be the best thing for them.

Mumsnet is full of people saying dad should be involved from the get-go, do more, participate more.

MN often does not reflect reality!

I don't think it sounds great at all, but it's their choice

@Hayeahnobut i know! Maybe i'm reading too much of it and that's why it sounded odd to my ear. Tbh I'd just want someone to poke in the back at night if I was too tired to get up for a nightfeed.