Work are demanding a lot.

[Changeythenamey]

Should I just suck it up and deal with the fact I’m in a demanding role? Or AIBU to want to have a slower pace/ more support now I’m pregnant?

I’m a (mid level) solicitor for a large corporation and I’m 5 months pregnant with our first baby. My direct management know I’m pregnant but not the wider business. It’s not a secret it just doesn’t tend to come up in video meetings.

I found out recently my case load is significantly higher than all my colleagues. I’m also leading a lot of large projects. There has been no mention of getting anyone else in to cover my maternity leave. In fact my maternity leave hasn’t been discussed at all. The suggestion is that I should tie everything off before I go (or it will be lumbered on my colleague)

Work has been very busy this year and I haven’t been able to take much holiday. I’m trying to take the odd day (including today) but so far I’ve been pulled in 2 urgent meetings, made 3 calls to suppliers and had 43 ‘urgent’ emails. I’m exhausted and emotional and I feel like I’m failing in everything. Taking a day off just means I have twice as much to do the next day.

I had HG the first three months of the pregnancy and coped relevantly well, vomiting whilst on mute, making up the time and not taking any time off sick.

I feel I’ve facilitated this by not putting a marker down earlier but I didn’t really know how much sickness was normal, it was only when I went into hospital I knew how bad it was (hospital visit coincided with 4 days of holiday I had booked so work didn’t know).

I’m so afraid of showing weakness or ‘playing the pregnancy card’ but I’m starting to worry that the stress will impact the baby. I feel like I’m terrible at my job and I’m winding up to be a terrible mother too.

Everyone else seems to cope better than me. I feel such a failure.

How long have you been there? Can you stop taking on new cases which go past when your Maternity leave starts? You can legitimately say sorry don’t think I’m going to be able to take this case on as I might be leaving to go on maternity leave in March , though actually it could be February if I use up my leave or something?

I don't understand why you are allowing yourself to get dragged into meetings etc when you are on annual leave? I also work in the legal profession.

Work phone off. Don't look at emails. Take a block of annual leave, five days, not the odd day.

I suspect that if others really are coping much better than you, it is because they have better boundaries.

YABU - you have let yourself come to believe that you are indispensible, a work based superwoman. It is in your boss's interest to have you feel like this and the more you 'just cope' the more it will be expected.

Work out what it is that is acceptable and build your boundaries. You aren't weak or playing any card if you take time out and say no. You ARE being weak now... you are letting them run all over you!

Stand up and say no!

I would:

• take a week off work and provide fulsome notes for your manager so they can hand it over to someone else and turn off your phone. You are not contactable that week
• make a list of the projects which you know won't be finished before you go on mat leave and start asking your boss who will be managing them in your absence (include follow up/post completion type tasks)
• start making a plan for your mat leave. You are 5 months PG but when do you want to finish up? If you are knackered now then you need to plan to end around 8 months as the brain treacle gets worse in the last month (for me anyway). That leave 3 months with Christmas/NY/Brexit in between. Not long
• talk to HR about what they should be doing for you (so that you can chase up your manager and say 'we should have had our 6 month review or whatever - shall I schedule

Basically treat your health like a project you need to manage as they have shown they are not going to do it for you. Don't be apologetic; just be assertive and clear.

Why do you have a higher case load than your colleagues? Are they the same level as you? Has that always been the case or have they piled more onto you since they've known you are pregnant?

That's where I'd start tbh - going to senior management to let them know that your case load is much higher than others and go through how much extra you are working to the extent you are unable to take time off. I'd not even mention pregnancy for now as it sounds like the job could be manageable if you had a normal work load and could take some time off.

Solicitor in my 40s. Solicitors are terrible for employee care in my experience. I’ve witnessed colleagues having breakdowns at desks - distressed crying, panic attacks and firm denying any issues. You need to protect yourself. Document. Raise caseload issues etc by email, keep back up copies. Book leave off - out of office on and do not respond to anything. Whatever you do it will be seen as your fault for not speaking up. You only have to read the Law Society Gazette junior solicitors hung out to dry by their firms. To be honest pregnancy not relevant feeling like you can’t have day off as only double to do day after is a huge red flag.

Is worth asking when they want you to start handing over some of the cases? Assuming that will take time

Are you in private practice or in house OP? If in private practice it should be easy to determine whether you genuinely are working harder than colleagues as your time sheets will evidence that. You can then turn down work based on capacity more easily.

If you are in-house I suspect that they will get a secondee or freelancer to cover your role and I wouldn’t expect them to start thinking about this until a few weeks before you are due to finish. But you can raise workload issues with your line manager and ask for help to juggle priorities.

As others have said try booking blocks of time off rather than single days and on your days off only check your emails once or twice - have an out of office referring people to one of your colleagues - and only deal with anything which is that day critical. Don’t accept invites to meetings or calls on your day off - make them reschedule for a working day.

Also worth speaking to your GP or midwife. Could you be experiencing a degree of pre-natal depression or anxiety disorder?

In my experience the (male) Partners are usually oblivious. They note baby due 27/1 and think it will be like annual leave you there until 26/1. I recall tentatively asking what arrangements were in place when x went on maternity leave and being told oh there’s months to sort and me saying incredulously have you seen x recently (obviously heavily pregnant) You will get no thanks flogging yourself before birth and again from what I’ve seen over the years will be to detriment of your health/baby health and an easy delivery. Maybe me/colleagues all unlucky but virtually all emergency c sections - I can’t help but think working to absolute last minute, working excessive hours sitting at desk, high stress didn’t help.

Why did you not take time off sick? I’ve been off for nearly 12 weeks with HG and hospital admissions. Only thinking about doing a phased return now. Not judging, just wondering