AIBU to be getting desperate that we’re having daily family trouble over phone/tablet use with 14 year old DS?
Problem is him neglecting all else (homework, any minimal help in house, instrument practice, getting his stuff ready for next day etc) to be on the phone ALL evening from minute he walks in door after school – well that’s what WOULD happen if we let him! It’s the fact that we push against that that causes trouble. He is high functioning autism and struggles with friendships. He has not been in his current school very long and is trying to make new friends. We can’t simply cancel him having a phone, it would be too cruel because 100% of friends interactions in this age group (based on all teens I know) require a smartphone, all meet ups, chats etc ALL are arranged via various social media platforms. When they are not looking at their phones they are talking about what they’ve seen or showing each other stuff. I just don’t think you can function with peers as a teenager without one these days – which I fucking hate but that’s how it is.
'Taking the phone off him' doesn't work (it gets physical as he won’t just hand it over). We do have it cutting off at his bedtime so he can’t be on it late at night but this caused trouble as his friends are still on theirs ‘chatting’ and video calling at the time we make him get off. From what I can see, some kids are allowed to be on them all the time. As DS he gets older he needs to learn to moderate himself. As well as causing loads of strife, us being ‘strict’ about it as he sees it compared to other parents, is not going to help him learn to manage life with a phone!
So – I’m desperate for some MN wisdom from those with teenagers now, living in these gadget dominated times - what advice does anybody have for what works in their family for teens to function and not neglect essential life stuff without being the odd one out ‘weird kid’ not allowed a smart phone?