Are you not supposed to talk about yourself in conversations then?

[grannyinapram]

Inspired by the derailing thread

I always talk about my experiences if they relate to the conversation and so does everyone I know (bar a few shy people who don't get involved and a few over the top people who really do do a me me me)
I live for conversations about peoples experiences. I certainly can't stand the people who ask constant questions to be polite but only give short answers. I love long stories!

Am I a me-railer and I just don't know it?
how else is there to converse?

As long as you don't see every conversation as an opportunity to tell an anecdote about yourself that's fine. Some people are clearly just waiting for an 'in' to tell a story, or instead of really listening to a person and developing their story or listening to their worries or whatever just give an example of when similar happened to them.

If you are telling your story to demonstrate that you understand what the person is going through and for your experience, I think it’s fine. If it’s to compete with their grief or worry or achievement etc, then it isn’t.

Theres a massive difference between "we've just got back from holiday we went to America" "ohhh how was it where did you stay I've been there before and loved it"

To

"My nan has just sadly died" "yeah mine did aswell years ago, then my cat got run over and my goldfish drowned"

Most people join in a conversation with their own experiences, I know I do.

@IndecentFeminist

As long as you don't see every conversation as an opportunity to tell an anecdote about yourself that's fine. Some people are clearly just waiting for an 'in' to tell a story, or instead of really listening to a person and developing their story or listening to their worries or whatever just give an example of when similar happened to them.

^this. Some people are so busy thinking what they want to jump in to say that they aren’t even really listening to the person talking.

As others have said, it depends on the situation and how you approach it - there’s a time to let people vent and/or be sympathetic and concentrate on them (immediate crises/bereavement etc); and time where sharing your own experience can help.

Also how you do it. For example if someone is dealing with bullying at work don’t just jump in with your own experience, that would be a time where it’s more helpful to say something like “when it happened to me I did X Y and Z which really helped escalate it to HR/management/whoever; would that work in your situation?”

I think everyone wants a connection so wants desperate offer their own anecdotes. At a funeral today, even the priest did it! It’s human nature, but if it overwhelms the conversation or you’re ignoring someone’s distress/experience and making it less valid because yours is oh so important, then you need to shut up, frankly. My mother is dire for this. I ask her questions about her experience and listen to her, she blatantly waits to talk when I’m telling her something.

I've met a new friend recently and she loves a full in and and out story as me, it's so nice 🤣