To expect husband to show some affection?

[Libertyfree]

Really upset.
It’s been like this for ages. DH shows no affection. I’m always the one kidding him goodnight, reaching out to hold his hand on a walk etc.
The other night I tried to broach subject by asking “does it never occur to you to kiss me?” And he just turned around said good night and went to sleep.
Have barely spoke to him other than house/child stuff.

You need to decide if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life.

Following with interest. I could have written your post word for word.

That's rubbish OP.

You need to work out I guess whether its a blip caused by external factors (COVID hasn't been great for relationships) or if its something more steady state.

You need a proper talk about it: he's brushed off your question but you both need to tackle it.

You should be open to the fact that there may be temporary reasons for this: he may be depressed or distracted and talking about this may open thing up. But you shouldn't have to put up with this indefinitely.

How is he otherwise? Is he affectionate with the DC, if you have them. Has he always been like this, or a gradual decline in affection, or did it happen almost overnight?

tbh “does it never occur to you to kiss me?” sounds quite accusatory, could you try asking him how he is, and stating that you're concerned about him.

He’s never been the most demonstrative person but now it seems particularly bad.
Isn’t especially affectionate with DC either. He’ll return hugs but never initiate.
Don’t know why but now it’s really bothering me.

Does he show you affection in other ways, bringing a tea in the morning or whatever?

Some people just aren't touchy feely I guess. Is this how he's always been, or is it new?

This is like my ex dp. Once I was in hospital for an operation, I have bad anxiety around hospitals so I was literally shaking.
The nurse came in the room to say it was time to go into theatre..my dp patted me on the shoulder and walked out! Not even a light hug or 'you'll be ok"...nothing.
The nurse looked so sorry for me..she held my hand and said dont worry I won't leave until the anesthetic kicks in,ill be right next to you.
He had been like this most of our relationship and I decided I didn't want to live that anymore. He'd had so many chances.

Have a read up on love languages.

It sounds like yours is touch or physical affection. Maybe he shows his love in other ways?

I am your dh!! Well not literally but that's exactly how I am. My kids are the same, don't like touching, don't like being touched

Yes he brings me tea, defrosts car, irons my stuff, does lots of housework etc. But I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. I take a hot water bottle to bed for warmth.

@Libertyfree

Yes he brings me tea, defrosts car, irons my stuff, does lots of housework etc. But I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. I take a hot water bottle to bed for warmth.

It just sounds to me like you have very different love languages. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, but you could well be incompatible in that respect.

How does he react when you hug or kiss him? Will he respond or does he push you away?

What other pp have said - read up (both of you!) on love languages and have a chat about how you each display love to each other and how you'd like to receive it. As much as you feel bereft of physical touch, because that's your love language, he might feel like you don't love him because you don't do enough acts of service, which seems to be his love language.

When me and my dh read up on this (we are the same but opposite of you), it's given us such a better understanding of making sure we are giving and receiving love in each others' languages. It doesn't make you incompatible at all! You just need to be a bit more intentional that's all.

@Libertyfree I could be you as well. My STBXH was very helpful and brought cups of tea, ironing, gardening etc. He just couldn't deal with any of the "people facing" stuff. This gets harder to disguise when the kids get older and they need parents to talk to/listen. Doing it all on my own and sleeping Alone got too much. Now he's moved out and funnily I don't feel quite so sad and rejected...